Only child??

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Colleen1988, Dec 8, 2016.

  1. Colleen1988

    Colleen1988 Well-Known Member

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    My little boy is 16 month old and everyone keeps asking when he's going to have a little brother or sister... so annoying!!!

    Anyway to cut a long story short I had an awful pregnancy and really traumatic birth that ended in an emergeny section under general anaesthetic as I had maternal sepsis and very nearly died as a result, so as you can imagine I'm not to keen on risking going through that again.

    Not only that I'm happy with only one child, I don't actually want another and if I ever did I think I'd adopt but people keep making me feel really guilty about the decision to not have anymore children, a few have even said I'm being selfish leaving my little boy as an only child, I don't understand how I'm being selfish though?? My LO has everything a child could ever want and need and will have that for the rest of his life. He will have friends to play with, family and we always take him places to interact with other children.

    What are other people's thoughts on "only children" ??

    It's always playing on my mind because of other peoples' comments =\
     
  2. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    If it's what you're happy with try to ignore other people's comments. It's your life and your decision whether to have another child, they don't have to go through the pregnancy and bring the child up! I really don't get why people are so keen to impose their ideas on others. I don't believe it's selfish to have an only child, you've obviously given it thought and will ensure your child has a full life with family and friends xx


     
  3. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    I would say it's not selfish, I want to make sure my child has all she wants and needs. As you say there will be friends and family. Id say financially one child is enough as you want to be able to give what him what he wants and if you have 2 there will be times they will have to go without. X
     
  4. YorksLass

    YorksLass Well-Known Member

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    It's entirely your choice and your business! It isn't selfish at all, there's happy only children and happy children with siblings - their happiness isn't dependent on that! People are just rude lol
     
  5. 5Element

    5Element Well-Known Member

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    My lo is now 3 1/2 and an only child. We always wanted only one and for us it is the best decision ever. We are so so happy with it. We don't have any family to help us but he gets so much social contact with nursery and I include him in everything I do in the afternoon (I am a very very happy SAHM) If he ever asks why he doesn't have a sibling then we would tell him the truth. I have been bombarded with people telling me to have a second one but it is up to us. I am sure you will have second thoughts, we did a couple of times when we watched him cuddling a baby but you will know what is best and everyone else should whistle dicksie!
     
  6. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    I used to get this as soon as my son was 2, asking when I was going to have another. I have always wanted more than 1 but the point was, it wasn't their business (and I was single!!). Its up to you how many children you have, you are not selfish at all and its just plain rude to suggest it. Its your family, your choice xx
     
  7. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    I agree with all the others, it really isn't any one else's business.

    Our little one hasn't arrived yet but he is likely to be an only child. We had a very difficult time getting this far. I think it is pretty rude of people to judge, if anyone says anything to me I will most likely say we struggled to have one and can't have any more. Hopefully that will make them think before saying the same thing to someone else.
     
  8. Lucyboo

    Lucyboo Well-Known Member

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    It's defo no one else's business, a while back I found this Facebook post and summed this up nicely basically saying it's our womb so stop asking about it. my little girl is more than likely going to be an only child, not out of choice but because having her was such a miracle, for it to happen twice, well if it happens, it happens. People defo need to butt out.
     
    #8 Lucyboo, Dec 9, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2016
  9. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    If anything it's more selfish to have more than one child just for the sake of it! Sometimes children need more emotional attention than others which becomes harder to oversee with multiples. Not to mention the cost, financially, mentally, physically. And to assume that children come easy is also just so so rude! Now my son is three and a half people have stopped asking really and if they do I'm straight with them any more children will cost me too much for my liking financially, mentally and physically!


     
  10. Colleen1988

    Colleen1988 Well-Known Member

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    Ahh thanks so much for all your replies, I honestly started to believe I was actually being selfish. Totally agree about the financial situations, we pay £600 a month now in childcare so to have another would be double that! It would be double everything! I do get broody but I'll never forget the birth and the couple of months following it, it was so hard and I was lucky to survive, imagine if it happened again but I didn't make it this time, I'd be my babies without a mum :( so many of my friends are pregnant at the moment so I think there has been an influx of people asking if I'm going to be next, I don't understand why people don't just respect your decision instead of thinking it's ok to tell you that you must have another, it's not fair for a child to not have a sibling, blah blah blah!!

    Thanks girls, feel much better now :)
     
  11. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    We had it more the other way around lol. Because I was 33 when our 1st was born and we had already been married for over 10 years everyone assumed we wouldnt have more. They were totally shocked when we anounced our 2nd and then 3rd! When our 3rd ended in a MC we even had "it's just as well because you will be able to look after the two you have properly". We started TTC again right away and are expecting another any day now. For us we loved the idea of having more than one to grow up together but I think its totally personal. Having one doesnt make you selfish. Honestly I would have more but I feel like that would be selfish because I think we have reached a sensible limit for what we can deal with. I am 37 now and I also had a difficult pregnancy with HG and almost died during the MC so I think my body has had enough.
     
    #11 BunnyN, Dec 9, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2016
  12. Eryinera

    Eryinera Well-Known Member

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    It's only really your choice. I had that when my son was little and I had an awful time mc after mc. I always wanted 2 because I was an only child as was my hubby. Not that bring an only child doesn't have its perks like... (morbid but think of the inheritance!) It's totally up to you and I admire the decision to be content with giving and devoting all your love to one (possibly adopting is a great idea if you want to and do very very kind). Stick to your guns and do what's right for you. I swore I'd never give up for my second despite people telling me I should. Your not selfish for putting your child and it's needs first!
     
    #12 Eryinera, Dec 10, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2016
  13. Rooster30

    Rooster30 Well-Known Member

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    It's obviously no one else's business and you should just follow your heart with how you feel on the subject. I think half the time people just ask it as a conversation starter without thought of whether it'll cause offence. I seriously considered leaving my son as an only child as I suffered PPD and he was a really tough baby to look after.

    On a side note, I'm mighty impressed that your 16 month old can ask/comprehend a brother/sister. I can't imagine my 19 month old requesting siblings... She does well requesting a drink or food! Clever little lad :)
     
  14. Colleen1988

    Colleen1988 Well-Known Member

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    He hasn't requested a sibling?? I don't know what you mean by that Hun? oh eryinena I truly hope you get your wish :) bunny that sounds terrible, you have to listen to your body and do whatever is best for you and your family, thanks for your replies xxx
     
  15. Eryinera

    Eryinera Well-Known Member

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    Thank you hun x I'm 18 weeks now so I hope I'm finally getting my dream and again on more morbid note lol. I'm happy that after me and hubby are gone son will still have some family left as he won't have any aunties uncles or by extension cousins! So I'm glad he's finally getting his sibling :)
     
  16. Colleen1988

    Colleen1988 Well-Known Member

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    How lovely for you Hun :) and I totally get what you mean, I wouldn't want my son to have nobody but luckily he does, I just hope I don't regret the decision not to have more later in life, but you can't go through life thinking like that can you xxx
     
  17. Rooster30

    Rooster30 Well-Known Member

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    Oh sorry, my bad! I completely misread what you wrote. Argh.

    Another reason why you should stick to one - having two really makes your head go to mush! So sorry!
     
    #17 Rooster30, Dec 12, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2016
  18. babybee

    babybee Well-Known Member

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    Unless you have 2 kids - a boy and a girl, you're going to get so many opinions on your choice of family size. You only have 1 and people think you're selfish. You have 3+ and people think you've gone mad. You have 2 of the same sex people will say things like 'you sure you're not going to try for a boy/girl'?
    Basically take it like water off a duck's back as people will give you their opinion regardless and they can quite frankly, sod off.
     
  19. Colleen1988

    Colleen1988 Well-Known Member

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    No worries rooster, I was so confused for a moment :) thanks baby bee, your so right, a friend of mine said the exact same thing the other day actually, doesn't matter what you do someone will always have something to say about it xxx
     
  20. Pambi

    Pambi Well-Known Member

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    I read this yesterday and didn't have time to send a reply. You shouldn't ever feel like you have to explain why you want to have children, don't have children, have one child and not more, it makes me so mad! Whoever asks, it seems like it is loaded with judgement. Grrr! :wall2:

    I was at a wedding a couple of months ago and asked a couple who were married if they had a little one at home, just making a silly assumption because there were no children invited to the wedding. I felt bloody awful when they awkwardly said they didn't. I think what I'm trying to say is, some people just say stupid things and you have to try to let it go like water off a ducks back. If they are being deliberately judgemental, my advice is to just answer with non committal answers like " I don't know" or "I'm not sure" and then have an immediate question in your weaponry to fire back like do they wish they had children / more children?, they'll soon get the message.
     

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