OH's family headache whilst we are trying and failing with TTC

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by broody2013, Mar 13, 2016.

  1. broody2013

    broody2013 Well-Known Member

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    AF showed again today. On to month 19 TTC. I ended up having a huge argument with hubby today after he really pressured me to help him look for toys and clothes for his 5 nieces and nephews for Easter.,I gave in but was moody so he got in a strop with me and ignored me for some time. He can't understand why I can handle seeing my friends kids maybe once a month for 2 hours but I can't cope with all his nieces and nephews! Maybe because we are stuck in the Midlands all weekend at his mums house when we go down and the kids are there for much of time and it's hard because I feel his family judge me because we are the only married couple to have any trouble concieving and they are all Catholic and they all have loads of kids with no trouble. We're meant to be going down again next weekend I am absolutely dreading it, there's too many kids running around and screaming all the time, his family's parenting style is a bit different to how mine would be but of course that's completely up to them but it doesn't help with my misery (kids aged between 6months-6 years) and his SIL is pregnant again! she fell pregnant just 3 months after her last child was born. I can't explain to him why it hurts so much. He's normally so sensitive but he really doesn't get it on this issue at all.

    In the past I have usually managed to suck it up and try to keep myself in check but I am coming close to having a breakdown whenever I'm there now. I don't think there's a right answer but it's putting a huge strain on our marriage and I am worried it might break us up if we keep failing at TTC. Seeing BFN after BFN is setting my depression off badly again as well but I can't stop trying as it's keeping me going.
     
    #1 broody2013, Mar 13, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2016
  2. Tina18

    Tina18 Well-Known Member

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    Aw Broody :-( big hug xxxxx

    Sorry to hear your feeling like this, it's so hard seeing others pregnant and kids running around.

    You can't avoid it though and I know it sucks but everywhere you go you will see it.

    When I see people with kids or preganant women I get Jeleous but then I think you don't know somebody's personal story and how long it took them to get to that point.

    Try to change your way of thinking and try to be strong, think that it's sweet that your OH wanted you to help him pick our presents for easter as you have good tastes. If you dont agree with the way his families parenting skills are (I.e if they just let them run arpund and don't bother with them) go and play with kiddies and have some fun! I know it's hard and easier said that done but what other option do you have? Try not to worry what his family may or may not think it's none of their business just concentrate on yourself but if you are worried what they think have a chat to them about it (if you feel like comfortable) it's amazing when you talk to people as you sometimes realise the struggles they may have had and may be able to help you.

    Don't let TTC consume you is it really worth risking your marriage? Do you have anything else you can focus aswell like a hobby or maybe going for walks when your feeling down?

    Hang in there Broody, you will get your baby xxxx
     
    #2 Tina18, Mar 13, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2016
  3. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Great advice Tina xx

    Big hugs xx I know how difficult it is with finding out relatives are pregnant and I cant imagine the pressure you must be under from a Catholic family. Acupuncture really helps relax me and I asked to go when I found out about my sister -.I think you've started going to reflexology haven't you? That should help xx think positive, your time will come. For now, think of the fact you can spend money on the house, go out when and where you want and go on expensive holidays. Maybe even book one (you can always cancel it if you get pregnant!) xxx
     
  4. Aries29

    Aries29 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry you feel this way. It's hard when you see other women who seem to get pregnant at the click of a finger!
    My sis has 4 ! And I never see her cuddle them or take them to park or for picnics . I have 1 and he's 10 this year . He's the apple of my eye and so handsome, we have loads of fun together. I'd love to have another but proving difficult so far .
    I can't tell my sis as she's very competitive . If she knows I'm trying for a baby she will be pregnant just to rub it into my face !! .

    My sister in law and brother have 5 ! Again she is very competitive. My sis in law and sister were always bitching about how each other couldn't have certain names or prams or cots because sis or sister in law wanted that specific name , cot etc

    So sad .

    I really hope you get your bfp soon, it takes more to being a parent then just popping out kids. I'm sure the husband is just as distraught as you as his brothers/brother in laws are gettin their girls pregnant and he must also feel like a failure ( but your not failures ) it takes some people longer

    Your not failing to ttc until you stop trying. I'm not religious etc but I do believe in a higher power , I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe God is just saving an extra special baby for you guys

    Have you sought help ? Dr , blood tests , Soren count tests etc ?

    My cousin tried for 2 years and never got a bfp, found she had something wrong with her tubes. She had ivf first time and is having TWIN girls ( fraternal as 2 eggs ) !!!
     
  5. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Sorry things are so hard for you at the moment. My husbands family are exactly the same- it was even mentioned in the wedding speech that they expected us to have a honeymoon baby. Anyone other than you two really should not have expectations or put pressure on others to have a family.

    If it gives you heart at all, it took my parents 19 years to get pregnant, they didnt think it would ever happen but here I am. Might it help to stop OPKs and take a couple of months to just 'be' and take the pressure off yourself. Perhaps a weekend away somewhere with different scenery might relax you enough for it to just happen without trying? I do hope you have some good news soon
     
  6. broody2013

    broody2013 Well-Known Member

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    Tina - thank you. I will try to change my thinking. I normally manage to muddle along doing that but with my depression and anxiety flaring up it changes the way I perceive and cope with things and makes me less resilient which I think isn't helping. Thanks very much for your kind and well worded post I will reflect on it and I do agree with you it's just easier said than done to tackle my thinking at this minute but I will work on it.

    phenoix - good point I will try to book another massage soon and we do have a holiday booed for September but will think about other holidays we can take after that one to try to have something to look forward to.

    Aeries - thank you. Oh dear your family situation sounds much harder to navigate than mine! I will have to hope it's worth the wait. I used to have a strong faith in God but I must admit with all my health problems and the TTC my faith has took a huge hit. I might try to rekindle it again if I can. My doctor won't refer us to consider our options ie IVF for another year but I am going to beg for him to see if he can arrange further basic tests now as it is really affecting my health and making it hard for us as a couple, as I'm sure it will do for lots of other couples in a similar position. I might not get anywhere but I'm feeling desperate so I will try.

    Sparkle girl - sorry to hear of your family pressures, it must be difficult :( oh that's nice to hear, thank you

    Xxx
     
  7. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    The important thing to remember is you are a good person going through a rough time. There will be times where you are less able or willing to cope with other peoples children but please make time to care for yourself. Both mental and physical health are so important so take some time for you :friends:
     
  8. Mar_15

    Mar_15 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry you are having a hard time Broody. It's so difficult when TTC puts pressure on your relationship. I feel sometimes like my OH is the only person who could possibly understand but we can't talk about it together as neither of us wants to upset the other. Last time I tried to talk about it we ended up fighting all weekend. I hope you guys have made up now.

    Does your OHs family know that you are trying? Once we told our families I found that things got a bit easier as it feels like rather than putting pressure on us, everyone is cheering us on. OH's mum makes a big deal of making a toast to us getting pregnant soon and talking about our future family and its nice to have that support instead of feeling judged.

    hugs xxx
     
  9. Shazza86

    Shazza86 Member

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    I totally get where you are coming from. Our families are putting pressure on us too, and my hubby doesn't understand why I'm feeling so down about not getting pregnant. Really wished men would see it from our perspective, it's so hard for us ladies. I feel really down right now too and was crying the other night, but he just snapped and went crazy! We end up not talking to each other and it's a viscous circle...

    BFP to us all xxx
     

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