Oh, you're young!

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by Lauren92, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. Lauren92

    Lauren92 Well-Known Member

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    That's what I keep getting from people recently.

    I'm 19, and I have two kids with one on the way (obviously), and everybody who I talk to always says how young I am to be having so many kids, and looks at me like I'm some tart who throws herself at every man around.

    I don't! I'm married, and all three babies are by the same father - My husband.

    Okay, 19 maybe is considered too young to have three little ones, but is it really any of their business when both I and my husband are mature enough to decide how many kids we have ?

    It really pisses me off, as when they see I'm pregnant, they are fine about it until they find out it isn't my first.

    Oh, and for the record, they aren't all "accidents", we planned the first two (even though I was 16 at the time), and although this one was technically an accident, we planned another one anyway, just not this soon.
     
    #1 Lauren92, Feb 9, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2012
  2. babyelmo

    babyelmo Well-Known Member

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    People are so judgemental. It doesn't matter how old you are, what's important is that you can provide a loving, stable environment for your children. I know it's hard but try not to take any notice of these people xxx :hug:
     
  3. Lauren92

    Lauren92 Well-Known Member

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    I can usually take things like that and forget about them, but recently everything has been getting to me :sad:

    Another thing is they think I'm living off the government. Well I'm not, my husband works his arse off to bring money in, he isn't some guy who sits around claiming to be disabled or something.
     
    #3 Lauren92, Feb 9, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2012
  4. BellaRiven

    BellaRiven Well-Known Member

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    Just ignore them honey, I get the oh but your older comments or the oh aren;t you getting too old to have a baby, i'm 31 so I mostly take offense at it lol!!

    Liek I say just ignore them, I know it's harder with hormones and stuff failing that punch em on the nose :) just don;t say I told you to do it lol :lol::lol:
     
  5. babyelmo

    babyelmo Well-Known Member

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    You must feel like going around with a placard telling people that. We live in such a judgemental society, no-one has the right to judge anyone. We don't know their story and it's so wrong to assume. My partner works away during the week but I work part time in a job I had to get a degree to do. People assume I'm single, young (I'm 34 but get asked for id buying lighter fluid!!!) and it's annoying, I just want to shout at them to mind their own damn business!!

    Being so tired probably isn't helping how you feel. I don't know the answer to that on either. I've being having a horlicks while i'm sitting in bed, but I wake up around 3/4 and that's it. It's probably yet another 'side effect' of pregnancy!
     
  6. Lauren92

    Lauren92 Well-Known Member

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    31 isn't too old at all, what the hell are they talking about ?

    I think I may have to take your advice if somebody else says something.
     
  7. starstruck2011

    starstruck2011 Well-Known Member

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    my best friend had her 2 children at 16 and 17. she now has a life as they are both at full time school age! Im jealous because she can carry on and sort herself out at a young 23 yrs old and im 28 and havent even started!
    Sod em I say! x
     
  8. Karate Kid

    Karate Kid Well-Known Member

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    Well I can completely relate to this! I am 24 and married.... If one more person says 'but your so young, don't you think you are wasting your life' I am going to smack them! I work in an office where none of the females have had children before the age of 32 and they are all so career minded.

    I also keep getting asked if our baby was a mistake!!

    I feel for you though hun because people just make assumptions, clearly you and you husband have thought things through so screw the nasty comments.

    xx
     
  9. EmmaN27

    EmmaN27 Well-Known Member

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    You are young but like you say you are married and the husband is the father of all of your children so who are people to judge you. Jealousy could be a reason for their comments, just ignore them. Aslong as you and your little family are happy that's all that matters. x
     
  10. pregpixie76

    pregpixie76 Well-Known Member

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    ouch u dont like being judged for being young so dont assume that every person on disability is claming fraudulently.disabled people get enough stick as it is for living off the gov and from the condem gov ( yeah cause long term disability is really a lifestyle choice :roll: ).
    most people get benefits these days ie tax credits, child tax credits ect even if they do work.
     
  11. babyelmo

    babyelmo Well-Known Member

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    Oh my goodness that's so rude!! We don't ask these career-minded women if they think their biological clock is ticking do we!!
     
  12. babyem

    babyem Well-Known Member

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    Hats off to you! It takes a brave woman to have 3 children, and to have 3 at 19 is a massive achievement! I say go you! Fuck all those who want to judge!! I'm sure you're a wonderful mummy! x
     
  13. Em91

    Em91 Well-Known Member

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    I can relate am 20 & expecting my first, we're not married but been together 3 years. Yes this baby wasn't planned but it doesn't mean we wont be decent parents, we both work full time (although yes i do claim disability living allowance to because i am disabled)... But i work hard for my money and if the goverment top it up because of my disability it all comes in handy.
    I think i see where your coming from though, they see your 19 with 2 children and a 3rd on the way and they assume because of this 'judgemental society' that you have kids for 'benifits and a council house' as i seem to hear so often about people. This may be true for very few but unfortunately it seems as thought people tar all young people with the same brush! Is that what you meant about benifits etc?

    I work with children and to be honest sometimes you see young parents doing a far better job than older ones!. I certainly see enough parents of all ages doing an awful job!.. Age really doesn't matter what matters is giving your children a loving home.

    Sorry rant over :)
     
    #13 Em91, Feb 9, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2012
  14. Karate Kid

    Karate Kid Well-Known Member

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    LOL I know, the thing is because I am qualified they think I am wasting my qualification....Children just mean so much more to me than a piece of paper though! Just because I take a break to look after my baby it doesn't mean that it is the end of the world as we know it.

    I nearly burst into tears when I was asked if our baby was a 'mistake' mainly because I was so angry and shocked that someone could ask that.

    I am just so thankful that others can relate.x
     
  15. babyelmo

    babyelmo Well-Known Member

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    That's just disgusting. What are these people thinking? I'm not surprised you were so upset. I'm qualified in what I do but I manage to balance my job and my family and I see nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't dream of judging someone because they choose not to have children, I just can't understand those who do. For me, when I became a mother I felt more fulfilled than I ever had. By the time she went to nursery full time I felt ready to go back to work part time and I enjoyed the mixture I had. I'll do the same this time around too. SOme people don't understand why I wouldn't want to come back to work straight away, and depending on finances I may have to straight after mat. leave, but I just let them think what they like, it's not their business!
     
  16. masonowen

    masonowen Well-Known Member

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    It does my head on how judgemental people can be. I had my first when I was 17, my second at 19 and I,m now 21 and having my third, I didn't want my first to be an only child,or have big gaps inbetween so we got preg when my first was 1, we weren't planning anymore, but my sil had a baby girl and I thought I like 1 more try and hope for a girl, me and my mum have never been close and I,d love to have the mother/daughter Bond I never got, so we gave it another go and thankfully it worked!!. All of them were planned and with my oh, we have our own house and are currenly engaged.

    People don,t think that a 17 yr old can be responsible and being up a child, but I,ve had to grow up fast coz my mum is an alcholic and hadn't been the best of parent. I,ve always had my head screwed on and when I got preg by accident that sadly ended in m/c, it got my thinking about when I,d want to start a family. I decided I wanted children before I got my career going properly, I don't want to get to where I want to be, then have to stop for a while to have children,

    I don't want to be the sort of parent who leaves my child in nursery so I can work and miss the developments, tho I totaly understand that some have no choice. So my plan was to have kids first and enjoy them fully before they went to school. Now I have the rest of my life to get my career going Age is just a number, it,s how you look after a child and giving it the love they need that matters xx
     
    #16 masonowen, Feb 9, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2012
  17. BumbleTumble

    BumbleTumble Well-Known Member

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    im 20 and expecting my first.
    little one wasnt planned, and im not with the father, but there is a lot more to it than that.

    whenever people ask me how old i am and was it planned and if im with the father, i automatically feel the need to explain the entire story to them, just so they dont think badly of me!

    as others have said, we live in such a judgemental society, full of people who jump to conclusions.
    xxxx
     
  18. katietateypot

    katietateypot Well-Known Member

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    i can sort of relate to this. Im lightly older than you (22) i'm married with a daughter who is 18 months who wasn't planned at all but was the best thing ever :) We also have a son on the way :)
    My husband is the same age as me and has a daughter who is 6, :oooo: although he was so young to have her we are totally sorted now!

    My husband goes to university full time and runs one of my dads pubs FULL TIME. We own 1/2 our house out right with the other 1/2 mortgaged and we get people judging us thinking when we say we have our own house its a council house and all the money we get is off the government which really is not true.

    I dont see a problem if people do need help off the government but when its people judging you thinking thats why you have kids and what not it really offends me.
    I am a fully trained HCA level 3 and am hoping to start work again once this LO is born so me and hubs both have an income coming in and recently i feel i am having to explain this to everyone even though i don't see why i should.

    I have had a few people telling me that i'm young but i don't feel that young and i dont think all things need to go by age. All you need to remember is you are in a stable relationship giving your kids a great life. If people want to judge i think let them, although it is frustrating they are the ones in the wrong at the end of it all :)
     
  19. FirstBabyEek

    FirstBabyEek Well-Known Member

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    Hats off to you I say!! to have achieved to many great things in your life already. My life was no way as together as yours is when I was 19. You should be bloomin proud of all your accomplishments xx


     
  20. BellaRiven

    BellaRiven Well-Known Member

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    What she said :)
     

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