oh the irony!

[BumbleTumble]

a couple of weeks before i got pregnant, i had been soooo broody for the last 3 years! yes, since i was 17, think it was all the meds messing up my hormones!!! lol

but a couple of weeks before i got pg, the feeling suddenly stopped, and i decided i wasnt ready for a baby, i wanted to do this, do that, id been in hospital for 2 solid years, and couldnt do anything, couldnt go out, go to college/uni. i had just got my freedom, and now, its kind of gone.
my mum said 'my life was over before its begun'

i know i shouldnt think like this, and dont get me wrong, im really happy. but you know.....

whenever i see a baby, like on the street in a pram, i have to look away or i will burst into tears.

sorry, just ranting a bit really.
i just wish i had more support around me, one of the staff here is going on maternity leave soon, so cant talk to her anymore, mum is too far away.
feeling a little alone and sad.

xx

 

[leesey]

Sorry you're feeling this way hon, it's hard when you're a bit muddled and have no one to talk to. I know it's not the same but we're all here to support you xx

 

[BumbleTumble]

thanks

PF has helped me a hell of a lot, especially when i have panicked about pain and stuff, because all the staff here, if i went to them, would just tell me to go to a&e! so i would have been at the hospital at least once a week if it wasnt for you ladies!

everything just seems so uncertain, im going to have to leave here, as its not set up to deal with babies/pregnant women. and i havnt got a clue where im going.
knowing mental health teams and funding, it will be cheap, and i wont have a choice.
so, yet again, im being 'passed on' and i have no control.

gah! sorry, just need to get some of these feelings out. its never worked well for me to bottle them up.
aplogies
x

 

[misscrazycooki]

vent to us hunny we don't mind x

Your hormones are all the place so you will have times of uncertainity I did with leo as my OH is not the best partner in the world. I threated him many of times to give my baby up knowing full well I didn't want to x Just felt so trapped and alone that noone was on my side to stand up and tell him straight x

Hugs x

 

[Maria1977]

Yes defo vent to us. What you're feeling is so natural, I would guess most woman go through it. Hormones are killers. All your worries and fears are normal, we all get them xxxx

 

[chantilly]

ahhh hun you will have thesse feelings on and off ...i think hormones kick in and so does realitty ..the fact that bam your life is actually going to change and ohhhh no i should have done this this and this ...i had my kids young so that when i reached this age i could go have fun and just as i was starting to bam im preggers again ...so scared of losing the new bits of my life i had started to gain .....but even when its really hard you always know they are worth it at the end of the day

 

[BumbleTumble]

thanks everyone
i definatley understand about feeling alone and trapped misscrazycooki, are you feeling better this time around?

stupid things make me upset, i suppose its the same with everyone at this point.
i watched Juno last night, and cried, i was looking at the photo of my first BFP that i have on my phone and nearly had a heart attack, like i usually do when i see it.

i spoke to my gp yesterday, he was really nice and said if i was ever having a crisis, i could see him.
but im going to have to leave here next week, go back to hertfordshire until i can find somewhere else, or until they find me somewhere else.

how the hell am i going to bring up a child if i cant even cope with this. i just hope my mum lets me come home to herts, otherwise, i dont know.
x

 

[Naomi D]

Im sure your mum will help you out honey, try not to worry, you will cope and you will bond with your little baby, and instinct will take over.

 

[misscrazycooki]

I'm feeling better and excited about my scan at the moment but I have had a few downs with my partner with this new pregnancy. Both him and me have threatened to get rid of it. But I couldn't ever bring myself to do that EVER! x

I had a shrink to talk to as I ask my doctor for it instead of pills as I looked at the side effects and I have to take enough crap for my diabetes so wanted to give me baby better chances of less risks of bad things happening to him/her. Hoping talking to someone out of the box will help x

I got my first assessment day after my scan >.< lol x

 

[BumbleTumble]

glad you're feeling better misscrazycooki
when is your scan? im really excited about mine!
good luck with your assesment

ive been seeing shrinks since i was 12-13, have been mostly in psych wards since 14, only been out about 3 months, so im already a little emotionally fragile. plus my diagnosis has the words 'emotionally' and 'unstable' in the title! lol!

the thing is, now im not sectioned, but still in 'care', my mental health team have backed off, when i need them most, they are actually being negligent.

im worried about going home next week, i havnt spoken to my step-dad since i found out im pregnant, he never spoke to me much anyway, apparently hes not happy.
i guess ill just have to cope with him either ignoring me or calling me a slut/tart etc