OH is frustrating!!!

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by sunnyland27, May 29, 2013.

  1. sunnyland27

    sunnyland27 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for the following rant :/

    This weekend I said to that he should start to look after his health more as he has put on at least a stone in 3 weeks and has been drinking/smoking a lot while he's working away (he HAD to shmooze with the big bosses in the last 2 weeks and that involves buying rounds every night because of the industry he's in :/ and you don't drink much you end up an outsider)

    Meanwhile I've been taking supplements, eating v healthily and thinking about getting pregnant constantly. I'd bought lots of nice M&S food and all he would eat was takeaways this weekend!

    He said he'll get healthy but for his health, not for babymaking reasons as we're still not "trying" for a baby as we won't technically be trying until were old enough to seriously worry about our fertility. I said I wonder what he thinks we are doing if were having sex everyday with no protection for 3 1/2 years and Im talking about ovulating/cycles/infertility all the time. I have only just got to the point where I feel jealous of pregnant women etc, but that's because now I feel like it'll never happen and cant see us ever conceiving naturally. He doesn't want to use protection or for me to go on the pill, never pulls out and says he would be really happy if I got pregnant. I know he would be over the moon as his eyes light up when we talk about it! He's right when he says were still young enough to not be worried, but as a woman i can't help thinking that we'll never get there if he doesn't make long term changes now (were 27 & 28). Can't sperm problems take years to recover after stopping smoking etc?
     
  2. coz78

    coz78 Well-Known Member

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    I have the problem here, oh is a smoker and drinks loads when he's away. His sperm test came back fine so he's not seeing baby making as a reason to stop either. He drives me crazy with u turns about ttc. I think most of it is male pride and I've got to have trust in him that he'll do the right thing in the end. I'm 34 and he's 28. Do spend half my time feeling I'm in this alone though because I'm the one who doing all I can to help us while he just looks like he's not bothered. What can we do? x
     
  3. sunnyland27

    sunnyland27 Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, how come we have all the stress and disappointment from ttc, then they'll just get the nice excitement when you get a bfp! I think he does feel the strain but manages to push it aside, but because I feel all the random things my body does, I can't bury my head. He's agreed to have the sperm analysis because i need to know whats wrong, but said he suspected his sperm count is low and didn't want to know until he has to. He has to now to keep me sane!

    I sort of get where he's coming from- we could get pregnant next month and he'll have had the maximum amount of fun in his youth, but if he stops drinking/smoking now he'll miss out if we spend the next 10 years fretting about it and being boring and health-obsessed.
     
  4. naomip

    naomip Well-Known Member

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    Ahhhh I can totally sympathise with this! I've cut out caffeine and alcohol plus I'm exercising and dieting while my oh just carries on as normal! To be fair he has cut down on his drinking and takes his vitamins but it sometimes feels like I'm the one putting all the hard work in!
     
  5. sunnyland27

    sunnyland27 Well-Known Member

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    ... but I bet they'll take the credit for the bfp lol
     
  6. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    Oh im with you on the smoking thing, I dont smoke but OH does, he has low sperm motility but even though he has been told that smoking affects motility-he doesnt think it does....I get so angry. I explained calmly the other day that I am making loads of sacrifices and that he is being selfish by possibly making the journey a longer one. He's still smoking!! MEN! X
     
  7. sunnyland27

    sunnyland27 Well-Known Member

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    Aw dear lisey. Wish we could all bury our heads this much. It's well known that smoking affects male infertility especially and it's amazing that they can pick and choose whatever is convenient. Does he believe that you smoking would affect a baby's health, or is that just the government making it up?
    My OH believes his smoking is the reason we haven't conceived but still doesn't want to stop yet. He uses that to reassure me, like it would make it easier if the problem is his. He also tells me the reason is because we have sex too much, so sperm never gets a chance to be made. I said he would still be producing sperm and if its all going in (lol) it shouldnt make too much difference. I explained that people have sex every day to TRY harder for a baby and it works.

    I also find it amazing that he's so relaxed about our infertility when he'd be so neurotic if I was pregnant (would feed me nothing but health foods and not allow me 1 glass of wine, just incase). Once it was born he'd be checking the baby every 5 mins during the night. Once, we forgot the dog's water bowl after a long walk so he started panicking that he'd die of dehydration before we got home (he was panting for 5 mins but nothing out of the ordinary)!
     
  8. Milly76

    Milly76 Well-Known Member

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    Men are seriously on a different planet when it comes to TTC.

    Sunnyland27 - how does your OH think he knows he has low sperm count - this is not something he could know without getting tested!

    My OH is not the healthiest eater either (I only cook us healthy, fresh , from scrach dinners but its what he "snacks" on in between, and he has stopped going to the gym since he got a new job in Jan! Whenever I tell him that my age (37 next week) will be a factor, he rolls his eyes like I'm talking rubbish, and says I shouldn't believe all the hype in the papers and on TV!! It's fact - not hype!! HAHA!

    He would not take kindly to me suggesting he might need to get his sperm tested, but, if we go down the route of me having to be tested, then he bloomin well will be too!

    He doesn't smoke, or drink much - so at least that goes in our favour!

    It's so hard, and they really dont have a clue!!

    Haha!!

    xxx
     
  9. megsmeadow

    megsmeadow Well-Known Member

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    If the focus on ttc isn't enough, my oh changed at the thought of the responsibility of being a dad, and being healthy enough to enjoy our child for years to come. Find out what really motivates them, not you! Still, men!
     
  10. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    Oh my OH will be the same, he has told me when I get pregnant I have to eat loads of fruit and eat healthy. I told him I will eat what I want to eat and what I am able to eat. When I was pregnant with my son I went off everything and found it v hard to eat in the beginning so I wont be having fruit shoved down my throat.
    I need to have another chat with him but he gets so defensive, I think its cos he knows deep down it could be affecting things x
     

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