Officially Bitter and Twisted

[LouiseB]

Just a rant really about how bitter and twisted i think i am becoming...

I watch a lot of YouTube IVF vids and everytime someone goes "OMG it's BFP!!!" in a video and everyone gets to comment - everyone else says things in capitals about how amazing it is for them to have finally done it and congratulations and all that kind of stuff.

Me on the other hand, i find myself commenting my congrats but with a negative spin like "Congrats! I hope it's sticky!" or "I hope the test looks more positive tomorrow" and i really hope that it works out for them but i feel the need to remind them that shit happens and i even find it annoying that there is no doubt in their mind that they are suddenly go from hell on earth to happy ever after.

Obviously it's a reflection that i'm 99.9% convinced it's never going to happen for me but i used to at least be 100% convinced it would work for everyone else but now i'm starting to think that everyone else is doomed too.

I think i want everyone else to feel as shitty as i do so that i can relate to someone because i am definitely on a downer at the moment

 

[Naomi D]

Oh Lou, I'm sorry you feel so down, and its perfectly understandable after what youve had to go through. I really wish there was something I could say that would make you feel in any way better. I know you dont like the idea of it, but have you considered counselling? You and hubby are both under unimaginable stress and maybe its worth a go? If not that, then perhaps an ivf support group where you could meet people in a similar position to talk to?

I really hope you find a positive vibe soon, and try and remember that youre not at the end of the road - you still have options that could lead to much happiness for you so try not to lose all hope.

 

[sarah1]

Hi Louise

I will officially join your bitter and twisted club. I haven't even posted on here for ages for fear of sounding horrible. We had an awful week last week trying to get a quicker appointment for genetics with no luck, so sick of waiting for crappy appointments where they tell us the things we already know. Like you, I am now very sure it won't happen for us and have really given up....please don't feel bad for reminding others of reality- I think what we feel is a great feeling of unfairness, why should everyone else get what we want? We are good people. I'm sorry I don't have any uplifting advice but I know that it's just a crap situation. Hang in there lovely xxxxxx

 

[maybe baby]

Aww Sorry your feeling stressed Lou...

I think if you watch vids and read comments then you're bound to get more stressed.

I think you should take a break and forget about everything and get relaxed for next cycle, you are in a much better position than you were before last cycle, you know you can get fertilisation and you know you will be protected from any immune issues now too.

Yes it's sensible to be realistic but it's also great to stay positive too.

I think you have the best possible chance this cycle and in just a matter of weeks you could be looking at a BFP!

Keep the faith lovely it will happen!

Xx

 

[Olive]

love yooooooooooooooooou x

 

[cosmicgirl]

I've always been bitter and twisted so no chance for me now xx

 

[Spinneygirl]

Sending you big hugs hunni xxx

 

[Princess81]

Lots of hugs Lou xxx

 

[Tara1985]

I really feel sad you feel this way and that you then feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Of course you are happy for other people but completely understand why you are looking at all of this pragmatically. It's not wrong to be a realist but hope that you can still believe it will happen for you because it can, even if you think it's 1%.

I would have suggested a support group like Naomi said because although it is good to be positive you also need to blow off steam and be able to relate to others so that you don't feel like the only one. It's no good bottling it all up so let it alllll out hon.

 

[hayels]

big hugs lou. i feel a little like this myself. xxxxxxxx

 

[laurat]

Oh Louise, I dont see you as bitter and twisted at all. I see you as being a very well imformed and realistic person who I value advice from greatly! Almost like a bit of a 'guru'! Im sorry that you are feeling low. It all gets so hard at times! I do really hope that you will get your BFP in ths future and sooner rather than later! Big Hug!!!!

 

[Gizzy Kelly]

Hi Lou I agree with the other girls this is not bitter you are entitled to rant and feel the way you do. I have to say I always find you calm and realistic so in a weird way I am glad you have shared your out burst. I feel so frustrated and f%%CED off myself and I have yet to start IVF so I think it is okay to feel like this. Hugs Love Gizzy. Ps going to you tube now had no idea you could view things like this! Xxxxxx

 

[Kay Kay]

I'm sorry you're feeling down and so defeated Lou. It is good to get it out as I'm sure each and every one if us on here has felt like that. I def get annoyed when some folk are so confident with their pregnancies as we all know the things that can go wrong. Not much else I can say as the ladies before have already said it bit just know you're not alone in how you're feeling. You've been thru such a hard time, as we all have. Hope you feel better soon Xxx

 

[mrspc]

Sorry you're angry and down Lou, I think your reactions are to be expected.

I think you know so much about everything that can go wrong with fertility that it makes you wary of letting people get carried away - it's a kindness in a way. When my auntie got pg, my other auntie told her not to get carried away with excitement too early and everyone thought she was being mean because she had had mc and no kids. First auntie went on to lose the baby early on and we could then see where second auntie was coming from - she was just being a realist and talking from experience to try to avoid her sister being devastated because she didn't anticipate mc.

A lot of people are lucky enough to have kids without knowing much more than what goes where. When you get your sticky BFP you will appreciate how miraculous it is.

You've been through a lot more than me and I can only just about muster a congratulations at times!

Chin up, kid

xx

 

[LouiseB]

Aw you girlies are so sweet :'(

Love you too Laura

Tara, i like the word pragmatically

Gizzy - search for IVF and then you can set how recent the search results are like one day, one week, one month etc and then you'll find the poeple that are posting recently

I feel a bit embarrassed now. You ladies always cheer me up

 

[MissJuly10]

Big hugs Lou. x x

I can't say much the others haven't already. I've learnt loads from you on here, you always give fab advice and I always appreciate it.

I agree that some people are blissfully unaware of all the things that can go wrong but I guess being in LTTTC undergoing tests has taught me a lot of miserable things about TTC and the baby journey so it's understandable that we would see the bitter side of it (and long to see just the sweet side!) so don't worry - you're definitely not alone! I get so jealous of the ladies who never have to think about the what if's and the things that could go wrong but it means when our beans arrive, we'll value and cherish them that much more.

I think we all have days where we feel this way and there's nothing wrong with that. Besides that, I get face ache from the fake smiles I give people when they ask how TTC is going.




x x

 

[Nurse 26]

you are not bitter and twisted at all lou you are a very strong lady full of great advice for others. xxx

 

[Drummers_wife]

i think i fall into the bitter and twisted catergory also!!
someone in work was OMG i got pregnant 1st cycle and i couldnt even say anything i just got up and walked out of the room - how bad is that@!? nevermind if only she knew what knife she had dug in!!

we all have our down days and its ok to feel those things!! we are human afterall cant be smiles and laugh all the time with what were all going through!!

big hugs hope you feel better soon

 

[bexjane]

Hi All

Im really new to this forum but your post stood out straight away!

Me & My Husband have been TTC for over 4 years now. I have pretty bad PCOS and do not ovulate on my own.
I have completed three cycles of 150mg Clomid (highest dose the hospital give) and ovulated on two of the three cycles but no BFP. This cycle is my first after the clomid, and Im awaiting AF to arrive next week so that I can start another 3 months clomid. If this doesnt work then IVF starts in July

I felt just like you described the other week, well to be honest, I feel like this most of the time recently, and I feel like a total cow! My mother in law is getting married at the end of the year and me and my sister in law are being bridesmaids, whilst looking for dresses she announced that hers would have to fit in her bump as she's hoping to be pregnant by then, it really got to me, I thought how dare you go on and on about it and be so matter of fact that your going to get pregnant straight away and our dresses have to be dependant on the fact she might be pregnant. I know it sounds totally crazy, but I just wanted to smack her. I felt like saying, Iv been waiting for 4 years so dont be so sure of yourself.. but I kept my mouth shut.

However knowing my luck, she'l fall pregnant straight away!

Keep your chin up...

 

[LouiseB]

Hiya Bexjane

That's exactly the kind of situation i'm talking about! I completely relate, except for i'm not sure i can quite keep my gob shut at the moment

It just ticks me off xx