Not sure how to feel..

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by BKR123, May 2, 2016.

  1. BKR123

    BKR123 Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone,

    I'm really not sure how to feel right now and I have no idea who to turn to or what to say in the first place... Last week I had a positive test and was over the moon, we've been trying for 6months or so now so it was a happy moment. However I started bleeding lightly.. Brown the pink then brown again. Very light but cramping alongside.

    I went to the doctors who referred my to the hospital and in turn to gynaecology. I had a blood test and a scan - scan showed nothing and blood results of 50HCG..

    Had repeated bloods 48hours later, bloods now at 55hcg but progesterone of 0.8.. Doctor was emotionless over the phone and told me, 'levels are too low for this to continue. I suggest you stock up of sanitary towels and wait for the bleed, this pregnancy is never going to survive'

    I was heartbroken about the whole thing. This was Saturday and I was at work, I didn't know how to react or what to do. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, I had to run the store and it was very busy.

    Now I can't seem to snap out of how I feel, I'm still spotting and still getting cramps but also still getting positive tests. I know I've lost this little bean and I really am devasted.

    I just don't know what any of this means, the levels, the tests, all of it😭

    Any advice or information on anything would be great.. Or any ideas on how long spotting like this lasts, it's been around 10days now but I didn't test till the Tuesday. My head really is all over the place, I suffered with PND with my daughter and I'm petrified I'm slipping back there now.😭
     
  2. Clover

    Clover Well-Known Member

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    Hey sweetie
    So sorry nobody has replied, it's such an awful thing to lose a pregnancy however far on you are, as soon as you get that positive test your pregnant and carrying a child , and even if it's only a few days it's tge most heartbreaking thing to lose it

    Dr's can be emotionless and cold, I've seen a lot of Dr's and nurses in the past few weeks and got told one time by a Dr that 'it's only a miscarriage ' (they thought it was eptopic) and I should be happy!! :(
    They don't understand the emotional hurt we are going through and it's really sad as they should, I'm a nurse and I always try to empethise with my patients, it's bad practice not to

    I hope you prove that Dr wrong and your Hcg rises but please stay strong, if it doesn't and you end up having a m/c just know I'm here for you, sending you lots of love and hugs

    xxxxxxx


    Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk
     
  3. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to read this. Hearing such awful news must be bad enough without the doctor telling you it with such lack of tact or thought for how you are going to take the news. Were you given any support with the PND, if you saw someone at that time could you make an appointment to go back and see them? I dont know if this would help at all but this website might be a source of support if you dont have any other as there is an option to email so you can do it without others knowing if that might help x https://www.uk-sands.org/support
     
  4. BKR123

    BKR123 Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou for you replies, they were both very welcome! I've got to have another blood test on Friday but from what I can gather from what's been told to me that's just to confirm that the pregnancy has ended :( they said that my progesterone levels should have been over 10 and at 0.8 she was certain that this pregnancy is going to end�� Friday seems a long way to go ����
     
  5. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    It's such an awful experience and I am so sorry that you're going through it. So many of us have been through it and can understand some of what you're going through. It's one of the worst experiences of my life, but it's possible to get through it and you will.
    The blood tests process is hellish as, as you say, it feels like it's just happening so that they can tell you bad news :-(
    Try to contact the Miscarriage Association if you would like support. They are superb. You can call or just get advice from the website.
    Also, remember, there is always hope for the future. Xx
     
  6. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    Just wanted to send hugs. So sorry for your loss. I had a loss at 4 weeks and one at 10. Both were heartbreaking. My advice is dont be afraid to grieve. It is a loss and letting yourself be sad will help you heal. Also dont bottle it up, find someone to talk to. The ladies on here are great because they really get what you are going through. Try to tell your OH how you feel and talk to a close family member or friend if there is someone you can confide in.

    I'm still clinging to a little bit of hope for you that they are wrong, it has happened before. But I understand that you dont want to get your hopes up too much also. Waiting is awful. When we confirmed our loss it was heartbreaking but there was also a sense of relief that we knew what was happening.
     
  7. Blackcat

    Blackcat Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry BKR, and so sorry that the doctor behaved the way they did. I think it becomes so routine for them that thy forget how devastating it can be for us going through it.

    I completely sympathise with how you're feeling, I'm all over the place from one moment to the next. Definitely give yourself time to grieve, you're going through so much. How's your partner? Is he looking after you?

    Limbo's the worst; I hope you get an answer soon. Good luck xx
     
  8. Blackcat

    Blackcat Well-Known Member

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    I second the miscarriage association, I think I've read almost their whole website over the last few days
     
  9. Petit Pois

    Petit Pois Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss BKR, so insensitive of the doctor as well. Thinking of you, and hope you're doing okay xx
     
  10. BKR123

    BKR123 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks everyone, bleeding has become bright red and heavier today to I'm guessing this is it :( husband wasn't being very supportive, I lost it with him and told him how I was feeling which I'm annoyed at myself for. I don't get angry often and I feel awful for doing it :( he is not being great and realizing that although it was early, to me it was still a baby :( my work have been great too - letting me go to appointments and take time out when I need it.. Just so devasted :( xx
     
  11. BKR123

    BKR123 Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies, this is the latest update.. I copied it from what I've just written to my friend so I'm sorry it repeats but please any advice is very much welcome X

    I found out I was pregnant last Tuesday but had been having spotting for a few days before hand. Didn't have pain or anything but getting a positive when spotting was worrying me. So I went to the doctors and they said negative but I was still getting positives. Went to the walk in center and they got a positive on urine test, so sent me to A&E. Got a positive there too and they took bloods, and sent me to EPU. EPU kept me and and did a scan on the Wednesday. They could see anything at all, but going by dates or LMP I would have been 3 weeks, so wouldn't expect to see anything. Bloods came back positive and levels of 50. Re did them on the Friday and levels had increased to 55 but progesterone levels were 0.8. Doctor was a bit mean if I'm honest and told me to stock up on sanitary towels as I was having a miscarriage and they'd repeat bloods in a week, so today, to confirm levels have dropped and I'd lost the baby. They did them today and they'd gone up to 68 so again not a lot but they had gone up. I called up to ask what this means and they said 'I don't know' but when I was in last week they said confirmed pregnancy but can't rule out ectopic. I asked what I do and they said they don't know. I feel like shit, I'm still bleeding like an extremely light period but it's gone from brown to pinky/brown.. I feel sick all the time, dizzy and lightheaded and so so tired. Tummy pains but nothing bad and they are in the middle down low. I don't know what to do :( I'm scared because I don't know what's happening, I don't know how to feel. Should I be sad because of what they've said or happy because I'm still pregnant? I literally have no idea.xx
     
  12. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    Sorry you are still going through this. Quite honestly the numbers are not good enough to expect a good outcome. If it had just been the once it could have just been slow starting or a mistake but after several days you should be seeing significant increase. It could just be that your body is being slow letting go of the pregnancy even though it is over already. An ectopic is a valid concern though. It might be good to go to EPU again? If they suspect it is an ectopic but still cant see anything on a scan you have the choice of ending the pregnancy now, or waiting a little longer to see if a scan shows something in another week or so. So sorry for what you are going through and I hope you find support and get answers soon.
     
  13. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

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    Hi I'm sorry to read what you are going through, how many weeks + days are you ? hcg normally doubles every 48hours I found the following on Google. As your hcg has risen I would ring the EPU back you need to monitor to make sure it's not ectopic. Xxx
    3 weeks LMP: 5 – 50 mIU/ml.
    4 weeks LMP: 5 – 426 mIU/ml.
    5 weeks LMP: 18 – 7,340 mIU/ml.
    6 weeks LMP: 1,080 – 56,500 mIU/ml.
    7 – 8 weeks LMP: 7, 650 – 229,000 mIU/ml.
    9 – 12 weeks LMP: 25,700 – 288,000 mIU/ml.
    13 – 16 weeks LMP: 13,300 – 254,000 mIU/ml.
     
  14. BKR123

    BKR123 Well-Known Member

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    Went back up there today and the doctor on was lovely. More bloods show that my levels are now at 45, dropped a fair bit in 4 days. Still feeling sick, tired and very emotional but I'm hoping it will pass.. :( looks like this one just wasn't meant to be �� Next thing is, what to say to people who say to me 'never mind at least you can try again' :'(
     
  15. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    Im so sorry. Hugs
     
  16. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    So sorry your going through this. It's such a long process, I was 11 weeks with both my mc and it doesn't matter weather your a couple days or six months. It hurts no matter what. We are all here if you need to talk xxx
     

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