Ohhh beanie I'm sorry to hear you are down in the dumps.
Honey, I agree with urchin, I know it's anxiety-making but you need to get out...even if it's for a little stroll in the park. Do any new mothers live close? Or even experienced mothers that you could go out to for a cup of coffee and just chill for a bit? I know it's hard with a baby, but you have to make the effort now, not only for baby, but for you.
I have decided not to take antidepressants as it could make baby drowsy (though I did think that it wouldn't be such a bad thing- what kind of mum thinks that
And THAT is just being hard on yourself. You are a great Mom. Everyone gets discouraged sometimes and tired. Breastfeeding is exhausting anyway, and if you're like me, all your negative emotions and anxieties will come back at you when you are tired. I was only saying to OH the other day, I wasn't expecting to find getting up to feed Naomi in the night a chore, but I do, especially when I'm tired. I was thinking the same thing as you, like what mother would think that...but OH said I was being silly and that everyone feels like that when they are tired. It's not the fact that you find such things a chore that defines what kind of mother you are, it's the fact that you still get up and feed the baby!
And look at you, doing your best to breastfeed your little Seren even though you are in agony, and wanting to keep doing it! That's heroic, that is. So you just look at yourself and all the GOOD things you are doing, beanie. And I'd definitely talk to someone about how you are feeling. The GP and HV may say that you aren't depressed, but nobody knows better than you how you are feeling.
If you want to talk, PM me anytime and I'll pass you my email address.
Take it easy - especially on yourself.
Love
Sue