Not doing too good

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by beanie, Feb 3, 2006.

  1. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    .............
     
  2. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

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    Aww hun really sounds like your having a bad time of it.
    (((((HUG)))))

    Firstly, it's really important to remember, even if you do need to go onto formula, you did great at breastfeeding, even a few days is an acomplishment so you have given her a great start and don't ever doubt that.

    Are you getting out much? If you are spending too much time on your own at home you can start to feel isolated. I'm not just talking about popping to the shops, are there and mother and baby groups you can get to?

    As for as the birth, over time you will begin to see the positive side more. Have you thought about talking to friends more about it? Or again maybe other moms? Don't keep your feelings inside, the more you talk about it the more you can recover from it.

    You do NOT sound loony, you sound like a new mom! Over time you'll enjoy it more, I promise.
     
  3. Tiny Sue

    Tiny Sue Well-Known Member

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    Ohhh beanie I'm sorry to hear you are down in the dumps.

    Honey, I agree with urchin, I know it's anxiety-making but you need to get out...even if it's for a little stroll in the park. Do any new mothers live close? Or even experienced mothers that you could go out to for a cup of coffee and just chill for a bit? I know it's hard with a baby, but you have to make the effort now, not only for baby, but for you.

    And THAT is just being hard on yourself. You are a great Mom. Everyone gets discouraged sometimes and tired. Breastfeeding is exhausting anyway, and if you're like me, all your negative emotions and anxieties will come back at you when you are tired. I was only saying to OH the other day, I wasn't expecting to find getting up to feed Naomi in the night a chore, but I do, especially when I'm tired. I was thinking the same thing as you, like what mother would think that...but OH said I was being silly and that everyone feels like that when they are tired. It's not the fact that you find such things a chore that defines what kind of mother you are, it's the fact that you still get up and feed the baby!

    And look at you, doing your best to breastfeed your little Seren even though you are in agony, and wanting to keep doing it! That's heroic, that is. So you just look at yourself and all the GOOD things you are doing, beanie. And I'd definitely talk to someone about how you are feeling. The GP and HV may say that you aren't depressed, but nobody knows better than you how you are feeling.

    If you want to talk, PM me anytime and I'll pass you my email address.

    Take it easy - especially on yourself.

    Love

    Sue
     
  4. hels

    hels Well-Known Member

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    Awww Hun ((hugs)))
    I cant talk to you as a mum (still hanging on!!) But firstly I agreee with the others, you have done fantastically with BF, Ill be very pleased if i do as well.
    You are certainly not a loon, its very hard when you feel lonely and isolated, do your friends have children or are you thre 1st? I have had a hard time of it emotionally whilst being pregnant, and am worried it will continue post natally, maybe if you have less worries with the BF things may seem a little easier?? Its good that you have a CPN soming to see you, just to have a 'neutral' person to talk to may help you, they will help you with coping strategies, and also help deal with your anxieties.
    Talking about these things is hard hun, and even harder talking to someone you love, and the father of your baby. Maybe after a vouple of sessions with the CPN, it might be easier to talk to OH.
    Hang in there babe, you'll come out smiling, any time you want a chat PM,
    Take care, and you are doing everything right.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  5. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    dont feel like a fraud hun, hang in there, its tough i know but you will get through this.

    is it you that lives near me in wales? maybe we could meet up for the day, take your mind off things, it would be fun meeting up with our babies :)
    sorry if i have you confused with someone else

    xxx
     
  6. Rosieroo

    Rosieroo Well-Known Member

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    You have done amazingly well! Mastitis makes you feel like shit, the times that I've honestly thought I couldn't cope with breastfeeding anymore were when I had mastitis. You've done so well, please don't feel like a bad mum because you aren't. You've fed Seren through all the pain you've been in just to give her the best start - that makes you a bloody fantastic mum in my eyes!

    I lost my dad when I was 12 and because having a baby is such a lifechanging thing it does bring back old emotions. My mum went into hospital to have some lumps removed from her breast (they came back all clear thank god), but I really missed not having her there at the end of the phone to talk to, and that was just a day. I can't imagine what it must be like losing your mother and you are bound to feel low.

    Massive hugs to you, you are a brilliant mother and a lovely person. Just remember that!
     
  7. Lou

    Lou Well-Known Member

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    Hi Beanie

    I just composed a big post to you then pressed the wrong key and it disappeared!

    I was only saying how sorry I am to hear you are feeling down. You do know that now is about the time your hormones kick in and you will probably have your first period and be feeling emotional and down and all them feelings you usually get with you period. It happened to me at about 5 weeks and thats why I havent booked my 6 week check up yet.

    My sister had mastitis when she was breast feeding and she went onto formula. I remember visiting her and she was sat on the bed with both boobs in bowls of warm water. She was miserable so I can imagine how you feel. Like everyone else said its better to have breast fed for this long than not atall. I couldn't even get Isaac to latch on and I feel really guilty that I didnt persevere with it so good on you Beanie, you did the right thing and its not your fault you have mastitis, its just one of those things.

    I hope you feel better soon and remember you won't feel like this forever. I suffer from panic attacks and had to stop taking my medication when I fell pregnant so for the last 10 months or so I havent been on a bus on my own. Now THATS loony! lol I panic because I can't get off!

    We all have our issues to deal with but talking about them always helps.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Lou :) x
     
  8. futuremum

    futuremum Well-Known Member

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    i have sent you a pm :)
     
  9. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Beanie,
    Im so sorry you are feeling like this. The birth is such an emotional experience to get over wether it was a good or bad experience. I know how it feels to pass the maternity unit and feel strange. I think for your own wellbeing that perhaps going onto formula would be best. I understand your need to do whats best for baby but that shouldnt include making mummy unwell. You might find it easier to bond and be alone with her because lets face it, nobody wants to do something (breastfeeding if sore) thats going to hurt. The pain I remember is hellish but you do it because you want to do the best.

    I dont think you sound like a loon, you sound like a tired new mum. As for wanting her a bit drowsy for some peace, I dont think there are many mums on here who havent thought that at some point or other.

    I hope all the lovely messages on this thread have given you some hope and if you can get to other mums who find it difficult please do, they might be looking for someone too.

    Love
    Laura.
     
  10. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    ...............
     
  11. Strangeness

    Strangeness Well-Known Member

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    I know how you feel about not getting over the birth easily, f you wanted it to go a certain way and it doesn't it can be distressing. I wanted a natural birth and I had dreams about how it would go and how wonderful it would be when they handed my baby over. I ended up with a c section and didn't even get to hold my little boy until hours afterwards! I still think about it now a lot of the time and get upset but then I look at the gorgeous boy I have and how happy he is and it makes it all ok!

    At the end of the day hun do what makes you happy with the feeding, the most important thing is that you're happy! I have had a CPN for around 3 years (just got discharged 3 weeks ago) and it is the best thing I ever did seeing one, they are brilliant!
     
  12. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    Beanie,
    The feeling of being a mummy is overwhelming. You feel as though you wont cope with being responsible because wether their is a partner or not ultimtely you feel as though you are the only one who can make decisions.

    I used to wish at first when I had Jess that if say I cut myself and had to wear a stookie or something that someone would come and help and be there. I could still be there but there would be someone else as well calling the shots. It sounds nuts now but I can still remember why I felt it. Have you thought about a post birth doula? One of the girls who posts, Kerry, is a doula, she would know more about it?

    Take care

    Laura
     
  13. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    I think today has officially been the worst day, she has not stopped screaming all day. She isn't really feeding from me, have been unable to get out the door as she won't stop screaming. Have had to leave her downstairs for a couple of minutes so I can get away. Not how I pictured motherhood
     
  14. Rosieroo

    Rosieroo Well-Known Member

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    Don't feel bad, sometimes I let Ella have a cry when I know she's clean, fed and warm.

    Motherhood is demanding, no doubt about that! Maybe she's having a growth spurt or something? Could the antibiotics be giving her a tummy ache?
     
  15. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    Not sure, I have been letting her feed off me when she wants and it looks like a growtyh spurt bit she has also been pulling at the nipple and thrashing around so it feels like I am not giving her enough, though it could be a tummy ache. Am absolutely exhausted, she has not really slept at all today, just been crying or screaming.... Hopefully it means I can have some sleep tonight.
     
  16. futuremum

    futuremum Well-Known Member

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    Thomas does that too, pulling and trashing around. He does it more and more and latches worse than before...

    I think we have not picked the easiest babies lol

    I have started giving him formula for his bedtime feed. He only drank 1 ounce of it so am expecting a starving baby in less than an hour.

    Now he cries for another thing: He loves being on the top changer of the cot because he can play with the toys of the mobile. As soon as you take him off of it, he screams, not good :roll:

    I have heard that difficult babies make easy toddlers so let's hope it is true :wink:
     
  17. LouisecH

    LouisecH Well-Known Member

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    Zara does that thrashing around thing too and I've been trying to find out what it is. It's exactly how you describe, with her latching on getting worse and worse as she gets more frantic.

    I thought it may be that she's got wind/colic and thinks the pain is hunger but I'm not sure. I've not been able to find anything on the internet.
     

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