Not coping after 11 months!!!

[KarolinaMoon]

Hi ladies,

Not really sure where to start tbh! I had my 2nd baby girl last April and from day 1 she has suffered intensely with reflux and possible dairy intolerance. She is now finally under a consultant care and is on lansoprazole and caro bel with every feed along with neocate formulae. It has been an absolute hell for the past almost year...and I hate to say that but it is the truth. My daughter us the most lovely and beautiful girl....but has screamed 24 7 in pain for her first 5 months of life ...and d then been unsettled most of the time until the last couple of months. Only now is she starting to settle at 11 months old...but still waking up about 3 or 4 times during the night.
I have kept going, almost on a fight or flight mode for the past 10 months....knowing that I had to take care of my daughter. I also have a 2 and a half year old to take care of....so you can imagine!!! Now that my daughter is starting to settle however it's like I'm giving up!!! I feel like I can't cope anymore!!! My husband has to work almost around the clock....and he does try and do what he can when he can....but he is up working until 3 or 4 am many a night.
I have been to my doctor in tears in the past couple of weeks. I just feel like it's a struggle to even do the simple things now....I feel like I'm being lazy but know that it is more than just laziness!!
I'm also due to start back at work in a week or two and just can't see how that is even possible! I feel like time has just flown by and I'm still stuck in the trying to cope and getting things together phase of the first couple of months!!!
I have no family close by, so I have no support except from what my husband can offer.
Anyone any ideas on what I can or should do? Xxx

 

[flexilexi394]

Hello!
My goodness sounds like you are having a really tough time. What did the doctors suggest when you've been there in tears? Do you think you might be depressed? If you do think you are, then get them to put you on some anti depressants for a little while to help you get a boost - I had postnatal depression but it only kicked in once my daughter was about 11 months old! And I went on anti depressants for a little while and it really really helped me get up and go. Daily struggles are so very tiring and you should try and figure out your next steps, especially with work. Do you have to go back to work? If you are in a position where you don't, then just simply don't go back! Give yourself as long as you need, it won't be forever that you are feeling like this xxx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

Hi hun, it sounds like you've had a lot to contend with so its no wonder once things have started to settle you're breaking down - you've had to stay strong all this time! My lo had major feeding issues until 13 weeks and they suspected silent reflux - he had apnoea episodes, crying during and after feeding (he could only take 2/3 ounces at once and would then be screaming, it regularly took 2 hours for him to have a feed so I was constantly feeding him) and colic. We tried Gaviscon and anti reflux formula which just made him constipated, the doctor just kept saying it was reflux and wanted to give him stronger meds. I was at the end of my tether and went to Milk Matters in Huddersfield to see an IBCLC practitioner who diagnosed and cut his tongue tie. His 'reflux' was caused by tongue tie. If your lo hasn't been seen my an IBCLC it might be worth arranging, GPs, peadiatricians and midwives are not sufficiently trained to diagnose, it's a specialist area so you need to see an expert. Looking back we had other signs - clicking noise when feeding, milk dribbling at the corners of his mouth and gulping noises. His feeding issues resolved within a couple of weeks of having the tie cut. However, we're currently on Puramino for suspected cows milk allergy due to eczema and vomiting, it hasn't helped the eczema but the vomiting has improved a bit. And he's had a cold and cough for 4 weeks so i completely sympathise as it feels like there's always been something to deal with!

What did your GP say? It sounds like you're not really going to be in a position to go back to work in a couple of weeks. Now that your lo is more settled you need to give yourself some time to breathe and recover from what has been a traumatic time. I'd say you have two options - if you can afford to take unpaid leave talk to your employer about taking an employment break or if you need the money you'd need to think about being signed off sick. If you take some time off could you start your daughter in childcare to give you some time to yourself (I presume you've got childcare anyway for your return to work?). Big hugs hun, you've not had it easy and you need to look after yourself now xx

 

[Rooster30]

Do you have a Health Visitor? I went to my GP when I was feeling really down and I just got shrugged off and was advised 'so think, what's the worse that can happen' and ordered out, patronised. I sobbed and panicked on the walk back home. It takes guts to be brave enough to say 'I'm not coping' to not be taken seriously.

I contacted my HV who I hadn't met until then, she visited me weekly to check on me and personally arranged a doctors appointment for me. Another baby later and I still find her so useful.

Babies are such hard work and I'm not surprised that you feel how you feel. Are there any baby groups near by? They aren't for everyone but a change of scenery might help? Feel free to PM me if you want

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Thanks ladies for your lovely kind replies! I had a horrible experience at first when consulting a doctor...I was told they had no appointments for 4 weeks and had a telephone consultation instead. I specifically asked for a female doctor....However they got a male doctor to ring me. Not that I have anything against male doctors, but I just felt more comfortable speaking with a female doctor about such matters. The doctor was rude and unsympathetic...

And I came off the phone in absolute tears. It was the last thing I needed. I then got an appointment in person with a female doctor who was lovely...so I will be going back to her in a few weeks. The doctor does think it might be depression....However I'm just not comfortable with taking antidepressants. It's strange because some days I can cope perfectly fine and feel happy enough...Other days it's like I'm in the depths of despair. It's also the anxiety and feeling of unable to relax that really gets to me. I have very little help so I'm on the go with my two all day and then find it very hard to unwind. I'm not sure if it is pnd I have or not. But one of you hit the nail on the head when you said that now I need time to breath and look after myself. That is exactly what I feel like....I need space and time out. Xx

 

[flexilexi394]

Book yourself a nice spa morning or evening and get a facial or something xxx

 

[MrsS15]

You've not had the best maternity leave so going back to work will be weighing heavily on you. Especially if everything with your daughter isn't totally under control! You've spend the last 10 months solely focusing on your daughter so your health in all ways will have suffered. Try and make some time for yourself, try a wee night off with your hubby too. Don't beat yourself up about how you're feeling! Could you try some counselling?

I'm a children's nurse and work in a gastro ward so have lots of experience with children like your daughter. If I can help at all just send me a message! I hope you're okay xx

 

[Kholl]

Triple post, jeez

 

[Kholl]

Double post

 

[Kholl]

I don't have time to write much now but I just want to say the transition from 1 to 2 kids was the hardest thing I've ever done, my son had reflux and spit up 30-50 times a day, screamed all the time, it was awful. Just so awful. I cried all the time, and my husband was also working 24/7. I feel your pain. My son is 17 months now and my daughter is 4 and I'm pregnant with baby 3-- things are SO MUCH better. He still wakes a lot at night but it's getting better. I feel your pain 100%.

 

[kumber]

Hey Karolina

I am right there with you! We're in the throws of reflux and tongue tie, screaming in pain, sick, more pain. Every feed is a fight and he's not a hapoy chap. My OH is in his final semester of uni too, so everything is focused on him and his degree. It's mentally and emotionally draining. I wouldn't immediately jump to you being depressed, you just sound exhausted.

I have no advice, only sympathy. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk, we can cry together!