Non-viable pregnancy confirmed, thinking about IVF

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Syd43, Sep 5, 2016.

  1. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2015
    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi everyone. Very brief background for anyone that hasn't seen my previous posts, I'm 44 and got a bfp for the first time a few weeks ago, it was natural. Started bleeding almost two weeks ago and immediately went for a scan which showed a tiny, empty gestational sac. Another scan a week later showed minimal growth (less than 1mm).

    I had yet another scan this morning at what should be just over 7 weeks but still an empty sac with practically no growth. The gynae said it's not so much about measuring behind at this stage but if a gestational sac was seen two weeks ago then there should definitely be something in it by now. Will have a final scan on Friday when I'm back in the UK and then think about medical management I guess.

    Doctor has suggested I try IVF as I have a good fsh level and have been able to get pregnant. It was never something I'd considered and I'm almost positive my OH won't go for it but now I can't get the idea out of my head. Cost would be covered by my health insurance, I just don't know that I want to put us through all of that. Not least because you can't have IVF in this country unless you're married (unbelievable) so I would have to fly to Bangkok.

    I just don't know what to think right now but I need to get a shift on as I'm nearer 45 than 44 and OH is in his 50s. Given how little time we will be in the same country for the rest of this year and his very low sex drive IVF may well be the only way forward for us. I really think he won't go for it though.

    Sorry for rambling, I'm just all over the place at the minute.
     
  2. elsa16

    elsa16 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Syd, didn't want to read and run.

    Sorry you are still having to go for scans. I know from experience how awful it is to keep going for those scans. I opted for medical management in the end but then it all happened by itself.

    Are you sure you have to be married to have IVF?! That seems a very archaic rule. You might be surprised at your OH's reaction - you won't know until you ask him what he thinks!

    Xxxx
     
  3. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2015
    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks Elsa, I'm really hoping it will happen by itself before the end of the week to save me having to do it.

    Yes, I'm living in China and here it's the rule, my doctor told me this morning. She said they are constantly fighting it but not getting anywhere. I've mentioned it to him, we'll talk about it tonight. It's weird, for as many years as I can remember I've said if I couldn't get pregnant naturally then I wouldn't put myself through IVF. That was all hypothetical as I was single for so long. Now I can't get the idea out of my head...

    Thanks for responding x
     
  4. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2013
    Messages:
    3,921
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Syd, sorry it isn't good news. It is a hard decision to make but I think that I would look back and regret not doing all I could for a child, so I would therefore give the IVF a shot. If you did have a child how would things work with you and your oh living in different countries? Do you think he would be pleased to have a child or is he just going along with it to please you? Not wanting children would be a deal breaker for me and at my age I would seriously consider going it alone with donor sperm. Not being able to have children is different to not wanting them, if we can't have them but did everything we could to try I could probably end up accepting that.
     
  5. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2015
    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Snowbee, thank you. That's my feeling, that I don't want to look back and think I didn't even try. OH and I actually live in the same country now, it's just that I had a load of travel booked for the rest of this year before I knew how quickly I would get my work visa so it's just worked out we're only in the same country for 4 more weeks in 2016. He was happy about the pregnancy and he definitely wouldn't go along with it just for my sake, i'm just not sure he will be willing to go the IVF route. There are loads of complications to do with his ex constantly causing trouble (years after the split which was nothing to do with me!) and their child, whom he adores.

    We'll see what tonight brings.

    I've just seen your status says you're feeling sad, you haven't had bad news have you??
     
  6. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2013
    Messages:
    3,921
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh haha I had totally forgotten about that and haven't changed it for a long time! I'll go change it now doh. Everything going ok with me so far, the last one I lost about now so a little worried but my test today was nice and dark so fingers crossed.

    I think I would put my foot down and say come on and lets live for us, not for other people and exs. Take the chance while it is still an option. I hope you can come to an agreement with him and make a decision you are both happy with.
     
  7. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2015
    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh phew! Glad all is looking good.

    Thanks for the advice :) Will see what happens.
     
  8. stacesl3

    stacesl3 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2013
    Messages:
    1,509
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Syd, sorry it wasn't better news. It sounds like you have/had a blighted ovum, which is what i 'think' I had possibly both times although kind of self diagnosed myself with that one. We never really how/why these things happen, I automatically put mine down to age/bad eggs?? but who knows! Are you still bleeding or has that stopped now? How are you feeling? x

    I would go for IVF if your doctor thinks you are a good candidate, My doctor suggested IUI to me although that was a couple of years ago now. IVF isn't an option for me (for various reasons) in other circumstances I would definetely look into it. I just have to hope it happens naturally for me.
    Chat with OH and see what he thinks, fingers crossed xx
     
  9. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2013
    Messages:
    2,051
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Syd so sorry it wasn't better news. when you get back to the UK you can check if they will give you the D&C the fact that you have had bleeding but not passed the sac after 3 weeks you may need the D&C /ERPC to make sure your womb is clear.

    I've gone through lengthy IVF discussions with my DH, I'm 44 and will be 45 in Dec, he's 43 next January, we stopped trying trying naturally last March, I'm currently trying to get myself as healthy as possible and I am thinking of IVF now (though we had always agreed not to have IVF!) it's very hard to close the TTC door and to not have tried everything. my fSH, oestradiol, progesterone and AMH were all really good for my age. I have some concerns around the drugs required for IVF and at a personal level it was something I hadn't wanted, but I know from lots of friends and from this forum that IVF has brought lots of miracle babies to lots of women. If I was having IVF using my own eggs I would probably want to have the genetic screening on the embryos (even though I have questions around the ethics of the science), if we are using donor eggs in Ireland you can select a donor who is happy to let the baby look them up when they're 18. It's all so complicated, my husbands best friend is due a baby with his wife any day now and I know my husband wishes we had been blessed with one.
     
    #9 Clementine, Sep 5, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2016
  10. Tina18

    Tina18 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    426
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey syd, really sorry it want good news xxx sorry I don't have any advise to give on IVF but speak to your oh you may be surprised xxx really hope you get your rainbow baby xxx take care xxx
     
  11. Papermoon

    Papermoon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2016
    Messages:
    792
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sorry about the sad new Syd. Yes I think you should try IVF. Try all of your options. Like someone said, later you might regret not trying everything you could. :hugs:
     
  12. scn

    scn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2012
    Messages:
    5,086
    Likes Received:
    0
    So sorry to read this xx thinking of you xx
     
  13. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2012
    Messages:
    5,310
    Likes Received:
    2
    So sorry for your loss.

    If your OH agrees I think it would be worth talking over IVF with a fertility specialist. Even with IVF I think your chances are only about 10% using your own eggs at 44 so they might well suggest donor eggs.Until 50 your chances with donor eggs is quite good..Of course a lot depends on how important it is to you for your for your children to be yours genetically. After getting pregnant twice naturally and suffering MCs my aunt decided to go for donor eggs. She had lovely twin girls at 46.
     
    #13 BunnyN, Sep 6, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2016
  14. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2015
    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks everyone, we're in discussions...

    Staces, it is a blighted ovum. I feel ok, I've had two weeks to get used to the idea. I'm sad but not as devastated as I was.

    Clementine, I'm glad you're thinking about ivf, I agree with the genetic testing. Is that different to chromosome testing? The doctor mentioned that as she said no point putting back something that isn't going to stick. I think genetic testing may be another level? I know absolutely nothing about IVF, just starting to research if all now (ie google it...).

    I also wonder if I'll need a D&C, it's been about three weeks since this stopped developing and my body doesn't seem to want to let go. It'll be just my luck that it happens on the 12 hr flight tomorrow...

    Thanks again for all the support ladies, it's a Godsend having you all to talk to.
     
  15. elsa16

    elsa16 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Syd, I know these things are different for everyone but mine took about 5 weeks between stopping growing and nature taking its course. I was at my wits end waiting for it to happen and was desperate for the hospital to just book me in. In the end it all happened the day before I went in to hospital and I was admitted just so they could treat me anyway to make sure everything was finished.

    Xxxx
     
  16. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2013
    Messages:
    2,051
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Syd, I think it's the same basically they check if the embryos have the correct number of chromosomes, I just worry what the risks are of harming a potentially good embryo by just doing the test ? I have a tendency to overthink things. Also I wouldn't want to freeze embryos in case I couldn't use them in the future & then they would have to be destroyed. The girls who have had IVF said you can have a low dose cycle where they don't collect lots of eggs.
    Have a safe flight home xx
     
  17. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2015
    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nothing is straight forward is it. xx
     
  18. ClaireDoll

    ClaireDoll Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2016
    Messages:
    544
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh Syd I've only just seen your posts I'm so gutted for you :( hope your doing okay xxx
     
  19. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2012
    Messages:
    5,310
    Likes Received:
    2
    If you dont freeze them I thought they got destroyed at the time anyway? They always grow more than you need to see which ones look 'best'. Maybe they can do less if you specify request it but it probably lowers the chances of it working.
     
  20. Syd43

    Syd43 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2015
    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Struggling a bit today ladies. I've just got back to the UK. When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited about all the things I was going to do on this trip. I was planning how to tell my parents who are absolutely desperate to become grandparents but have pretty much given up hope, I'm seeing a load of my friends for a weekend away at what would have been the 12 week mark and was going to tell them all then. I've got a family gathering in a couple of weeks and my cousin's new baby is going to be there, I was thinking for once I could really enjoy being around a tiny baby. I had my harmony test and 12 week scan booked at a private clinic (since I've moved abroad I'm no longer entitled to care on the NHS). Just to really rub salt in the wound there was a 6 month baby on the plane next to me. I was in business class, you never get babies in business class. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely not one of those people who objects to babies or children in business class. I don't get upset about babies screaming on planes (not that she did), I just feel sorry for the parents. But not once have I seen a small baby in business class until the flight I'm on knowing I'm pregnant but it's not viable. It seems so stupid given it was over at such an early stage but I know I'm going spend the whole trip thinking about what I would have been doing had I still been pregnant
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice