No sex drive, keep getting groped.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by violet13, Jan 23, 2016.

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  1. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies,

    I had my baby 4 months ago and I have no urge for sex at all, even being cuddled is winding me up. But the issue is regardless of how many times I say I'm not in the mood as I haven't got the urge my husband keeps groping me on my bum, boobs and lady garden it's really upsetting me even though I've said it's upsetting me his excuse is "testing the waters" I'm actually thinking of getting something that will hurt him like electric underwear yes I have googled that it's a thing. I shouldn't be feeling like a piece of meat in exhausted as baby is still waking for feeds and I barely sleep as my ears are hurting though Drs can't find anything wrong. I really don't know what to do I'm dreading bedtime or being alone with my partner as he just won't stop it's not all the time but it's more frequent as a joke it's fine but I stopped breastfeeding at 10 weeks and he keeps grabbing my nipples which has caused a few problems with engorgment and very sore lumpy breasts and I am truly fed up I'm even considering sleeping on the couch more often than not and out couch is not big I'm not tall but I'm not that short. Advice please! Cxx
     
  2. Louandtwins

    Louandtwins Well-Known Member

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    Hi Violet, I would say it is absolutely not OK for anyone to grope you - husband or not - when you have specifically said no. It's sexual abuse. Has he ever shown any of this type of behaviour before? Hope you're OK xxxx
     
  3. El1en

    El1en Well-Known Member

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    No means no and you should not be made to feel the way you do. He loves you though

    My oh and I have a good sex life and had sex right up until the day before I went into labour. Afterwards I obviously couldn't and for those four weeks afterwards I was pestered constantly. It made me feel pressured and rubbish but I knew it was just because he was missing me and I was so busy with the baby he just wasn't eating any attention, however as a grown man he should have dealt with it better.

    We started again after four weeks and thankfully our sex life was back to normal at about 3 months. Everyone is different though and I think you need to try again to sit down with him and have a proper chat. You shouldn't need "shocking knickers", he's your husband you should both be able to communicate how you feel
     
  4. Emily0505

    Emily0505 Well-Known Member

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    He's your husband hun, just talk to him!

    Clearly tell him how you're feeling and how his actions are making you feel too.

    Are you feeling well otherwise? I can see how being grabbed in intimate areas might upset you but it does seem quite ott to get wound up by having a cuddle and extreme to consider electrocution to get your point across!

    XX
     
  5. Holi

    Holi Well-Known Member

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    My hubby would probably act similarly! I'm not saying it's ok for him to be making you feel so upset - but he probably doesn't realise how is actions are affecting you and it's just his way of being affectionate!

    Maybe when your both in a non sexual environment - just explain that at the moment sex is a no go, and you want him to stop the gripping, and when you feel ready you will make first move so he doesn't feel like he has to keep testing the waters! And if he wants to check in, he should just ask before getting all handsy!

    Xxx
     
  6. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    It's been going on since a week after my c section I was very sore then and said no as I just don't feel like it I have zero interest in sex the cuddles go too far which is why I dislike them and I've told him to leave my breasts alone as they keep leaking milk and engorging now it didn't happen for very long when I stopped bfeeding but since he keeps messing with my breasts it's not become so painful and I'm on antibiotics as I have two blocked ducts. Pinching my bum in fun is fine but not when he's constantly groping it's beyond annoying I don't give a toss if he is my husband Im not going to just have sex for his sake and not feel like I want to or pressured into it. Our sex life was brilliant but since having my baby I don't feel the urge and I don't really want to, even cuddling in bed turns into him groping me. I've told him when I want to I'll let you know but he just hasn't got the message regardless of how many times I've sat and talked to him about it. Xx
     
  7. Shepherdess

    Shepherdess Well-Known Member

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    Communication is the key here. You don't have to have sex with him and need to communicate that again.

    You say your sex life was brilliant before baby so he will just be missing you now you don't want it and you're so busy with baby. He'll be missing your attention and love. Apart from the sex side how are you guys getting along? Are you giving each other nice attention? Or affection? Try and see it from his side to, men are more physical than us and will want to know you love him

    I'd say cuddles and kisses without sex are important but you need to communicate you want cuddles without it going further. He's your husband, he loves you, sit him down and talk again, ask him to ask you rather than groping

    I missed sex so bad the first few weeks after my baby, we started again 6 weeks pp, it was sore after my episiotomy but I wanted the closeness again and a bit more than cuddles. You'll get there
     
  8. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    We cuddle and kiss loads and snuggle up in bed too but more Often than not he gets the wrong idea but apart from that we watch films or tv shows together and have a laugh especially when baby is in bed we get some time together xxx
     
  9. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    We've had a very long chat and I've told him again how it's been making me feel, he's apologised I think he was actually listening this time or me sitting down with him again has helped but he's been hugging me and cuddling me and said he didn't mean to upset me. So I think things are going to be better now. Thank you ladies xxx
     
  10. Holi

    Holi Well-Known Member

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    Really good news!!! X
     
  11. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    Glad he listened I was just about to suggest donating his hands :p :lol:

    xxxx
     
  12. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    No more groping! Huzzah I actually feel loads better, we talked last night some more while in bed and we cuddled a lot but he didn't try anything we just joked back and forth for a while and then he kissed me and pinched my bum as he used to do in a fun way and we woke up still cuddling we've decided that Friday night we'll go out just the two of us for a meal my friend has said she'll watch our little boy for us which I'm grateful for a break but I do need to have this time with my hubby. And this morning I got breakfast in bed which was lovely but I made him stay and have some too haha so all in all we're doing much better now. A big thank you ladies as I needed to vent but also have the advice too xxx
     
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