No one said it was easy..

[charlene09]

No one told me it would be easy to bring a child up at the age of 16. I chose to conceive at this age expecting everything to be ok, No physical issues, no mental issues, no emotional issues.
by god did I get the complete opposite, AJ is now 4 years old and in school ( Nursery ) I am now 21 with also another child aged 2.
Anyway, since AJ has been younger I have always known something wasn't quite right, delayed speech and language, horrible behavioural issues, just general naughtiness. from 2010 to 2013 I had my husband at home with me to look after the boys. now, I bring the boys up practically on my own. AJ has been under paeds, CAMHS, audiology, speech and language and now has a SENCO in place at school due to delayed speech.
He has always stood out behaviour wise from being 16 months old, I have begged and begged health visitors to refer for a mental health assessment which I struggled to even get that, anyway they finally gave in and i got the refferal through and was sent to see a paedatrician who he was under for quite a while due to weird behaviour such as smearing his poo on his bedroom walls, not being able to deal with his anger, lining things up and playing with wheels on cars instead of the car as a whole object, I was told it was highly possible he had ASD, they arranged to see me a few months later once he had started a mainstream school and he was in a proper routine, anyway he settled quite well and his behaviour did improve at home, but over the past couple of weeks he has started playing up again but was fine at school. I then rang my health visitor and asked her to re-refer back to paeds which she said no to, I have been told I have to do a parenting course first. I refused to do this at first as i thought if it was my parenting that was the problem then my youngest would be exactly the same behaviour wise. anyway it's just got to much now to the point we have had to move house to seperate the boys, but this week has been an absolute nightmare, today i was pulled off AJs school teacher to say that this past week with him hasn't been great, he has refused to follow instructions which means his name has been put in the sad book five times in 3 days.
MONDAY: refused to line up after lunchtime and told the teacher no, when asked again he ran off and hid.
TUESDAY: they have a fruit scheme at his school and AJ decided to take a bite out of every apple and place it back in the bowl which then meant no child got their apple after school, at lunchtime he was told not to mess in the mud but he decided to roll about in it pretending to be peppa pig.
WEDNESDAY: was asked to line up after dinner and refused but worst is he has turned around and told his teacher to f**k off!. when confronted about his bad language he has laughed in his teachers face.

2 weeks ago he flooded school bathroom, threw the whole book shelf at members of staff and other children and wouldn't apologise.

I am at my whits end with it now, I dont know where to turn with him, I dont know what to do. All i asked from my husband tonight was whether I could go out for an hour for abit of peace and he said "no you get peace whilst he is in school"

Any advice on what to do would be greatfully appreciated.

 

[jcox]

Sounds to me like you really need to get that referral. Have you been to your GP? I know it sounds pushy but you really need to stress to them the impact his behaviour is having on the lives of you, hubby and your other son. Something needs to be done as you will end up ill/stressed/anxious yourself which won't help the situation. If the Health Visitor isn't helping you as you feel they should be, try a GP as they will be able to refer if they feel it is necessary. Also speak to the school and see what they suggest, as they may have procedures/protocol for this sort of thing.

All kids play up, I have a 2 year old daughter nearly 3 who thinks she's going on 23!! She's rude sometimes and tells me no, and behaves badly sometimes when we go out. I have a five month old daughter too and I think that has a lot to do with it, attention seeking. But her behaviour has improved no end since starting pre-school. But my hubby, mum, mil etc have all noticed that she plays up the most when around me?! Not sure why but just remember that you always think your child's behaviour is worse than any other.

Big hugs to you, stay strong and speak to as many people as possible to get the right advice. Hope this helps.

 

[charlene09]

I am going to do this parenting course as advised first before I take any more action with him, just to maybe see well, is it me? Kinda thing.
School have been more concerned about his behaviour this week because I have always said that he is very badly behaved at home but they have never seen this side to him in school. Until this past week, as bad as it sounds I am quite glad that they HAVE finally seen this side to him in school because then it makes people realise that maybe he does need professional help, now he has settled in at school and it has become his "comfort zone" now he knows that he can act up because he knows that the boundaries in school are different to what they would be at home, when he is bad at home I do time out in his bedroom until he settles down, he doesn't get any treats and he gets his favourite teddy taken away too. where as at school he knows the teachers can't put him in his room, also they can't take his favourite teddy away because he doesn't have it in school, so he knows his boundaries.
What they do do at school is have a "sad book" which basically means any child that is naughty gets their name written in the sad book, I mean c'mon AJ doesn't care about it infact he finds it absolutley hilarious and tells me all about it laughing after school

 

[charlene09]

UPDATE: AJ has been in the sad book again today for hitting other children, teacher has now took it further and contacted my health visitor regarding him. just see what gets done about it now

 

[fairycake]

you sound like you are having similar problems to what my sister did with my nephew and due to her own learning difficulties I am a legal guardian of the children so that I am able to help out with things like school and doctors. We we advised to request the assessment for ADHD/ASD (specifically Aspergers) if they denied us to pay for a private assessment (which we got for around £200) and then request to be referred back to the NHS and sue for the costs of the assessment (which we did and received a settlement) he was Diagnosed with Asperger's (amongst others) and we now have him in a specific school for behavioral difficulties. But you are right things like a Sad book just do not work, nor do normal punishments, we have had specific training on how to deal with these situations. I hope this helps you out a bit and if you have any questions just ask x

 

[Staceylou27]

I work with children on the autistic spectrum and have experienced all of the things you have mentioned your son is doing.

From reading your post I would suggest he is In the wrong educational setting. Is he in a mainstream school? It sounds like the teachers dont have experience of working with behavioural issues. It's important that the boundaries at home and school are as similar as possible so that which ever setting your lo is in he knows what's expected of him.

I would reccomend the parenting course you will be surprised, I'm trained to deliver a parenting course they make you think from a different perspective. You will also meet other parents experiencing similar things and can share experiences and offer support. The course will also support you in further assessments etc as you can say they have done what has been asked of you.

 

[Staceylou27]

I forgot to mention that some of his behavious ie flooding the bathroom and smearing are sensory. It sounds like his sensory needs are not being met.

Has he had a sensory assessment/profile done. CAMHS would do this.

By giving him more opportunities to fulfil his sensory needs in an appropriate way would help to reduce the inappropriate behaviours.

For example give him time in the day to play with water have a set place he can do this, also shredded paper is fab and not expensive and try corn flour play to replace the smearing. Within my work place the young people should always have access to sensory play so that when they feel the need for it they can access it. It also helps to keep them calm. We also say not to put a time limit on it as they will finish when they have had enough ie their needs have been met. I've seen yp play with shredded paper for hours on end!

Sorry if your already doing these types of things