Newborn things they don’t tell you!

[WinterWolf]

Hi all. My bub is 9 weeks old now and there’s SO many things I wish I knew about babies before she was born! So many things they don’t tell you at pregnancy classes (all they told me was how to breastfeed and safe-sleeping). I thought we could make a thread about these things to help make that first six weeks with a newborn easier for FTMs. So, what’s something you wish you were told about before you had your baby?

I wish I was told that newborn babies get overtired (and then it’s a real battle to get them to sleep) if they’re awake for more than 45mins, and some of them will do anything to stay awake! Babies will cry if they’re very tired, and most of them don’t just fall asleep on their own! You actually need to make them fall asleep. So, if you have a screaming newborn and they’re not hungry/have a clean nappy, try putting them to sleep!! This seems super obvious to me now but new-mum me had many days spent with a screaming baby and it never occurred to me that she was just tired.

 

[Kitana]

Good idea Winterwolf!

My daughter would only sleep 2 hours max in one go. I tried breastfeeding her but she was a premie so didn't latch on well.
My nights would be:
-Try to breastfeed for 20min
-Make a bottle of formula or pumped breastmilk
-Give the bottle for about 20min
-Change nappy and put her back in her cot
-Start pumping for breastmilk for 40 minutes
-Clean, wash and sterilize bottle and pump.
-Go to bed and sleep for 1 hour before she would wake up again and start again from the beginning.

A friend suggested to go see an osteopath after 8 weeks of torture (oh never took over, ever).
The osteopath massaged her and did an allergy test. She discovered she had a cow milk protein allergy and told me to switch to a rice based formula.
Lo and behold, she slept for 4 (4 AMAZING HOURS) straight!!! And it got better every few days!

The osteopath did wonders for my daughter! Will immediately go to one as soon as my second is born!

I had suggested the rice-based formula to a friend who also had a crampy baby and he also started to sleep better and better.

If nothing else helps, try it!x

 

[WinterWolf]

@Kitana My baby has a milk allergy too, I’m guessing, the doctors dismissed her behaviour as normal... She was SUPER grumpy, screamed whenever she was eating, spat up all the time and had diarrhoea. This was at 3 or 4 weeks I think. I swapped her to lactose free formula and she was a different baby within 12hrs. So yes, definitely try that!

 

[MoominGirl]

I love this!!

I totally second the stuff about babies getting overtired. If a baby is tired, they won't just fall asleep on their own - who knew?!

Breastfeeding isn't easy and in the beginning it hurts like hell - I don't care what the professionals say!! Personally, I found it took around 6 weeks to feel like we'd got the hang of it (so many others I've spoken to have said the same) and only then could I really say it was worth it. Now I know how to do it and that I can do it, I would absolutely breastfeed another baby but only because I now know that it really does get better. Once I started having problems suddenly all the professionals were telling me it was all normal. Breastfeeding support exists for a reason it seems!! Only my mum told me it was this tough - she was right and

The early weeks are tough and there's no real preparation for it but nothing lasts forever at this stage even if it feels like it at the time.

I wish I'd had a more realistic expectation of post birth emotions - baby blues hit me hard!!

The right answer is nearly always do whatever you need to do to get the most people the most sleep!!

 

[Unicorn]

Not a newborn thing but how to stop breastfeeding! I found there was loads of support to breastfeed but no-one tells you how to stop! And it's really not that easy when that is how little one is used to going to bed and being comforted during the night etc xx

 

[Kitana]

What I also found hard was going for number 2 after giving birth! So sorry for the tmi but it is! I thought I was going to open my stitches down there if I pushed too hard. Haha! Sounds so silly but I thought it was a challenge!

I also had a prolapsed bladder so I could not hold myself. I would barely feel it when I had to go and when I thought I had to go pee, it was already too late. It was a nightmare! For the first 2 weeks I felt like a untrained child. It was quite embarrassing. I realise not everyone goes through this, but ladies who do, you are not alone! Do your pelvic floor muscles exercises!!! Even when not pregnant! It's so important!

 

[Unicorn]

Can definitely relate to the scary number 2 experience - I had to get hubby to check my stitches after because I thought I'd burst them - definitely not my finest moment! Xx

 

[MoominGirl]

Not a newborn thing but how to stop breastfeeding! I found there was loads of support to breastfeed but no-one tells you how to stop! And it's really not that easy when that is how little one is used to going to bed and being comforted during the night etc xx

This genuinely terrifies me!! For the reasons you've said and also I have a really good supply and my body basically went into meltdown when LO decided to drop a feed!!

 

[Unicorn]

Yeah, it's not easy, my only advise would be to do it gradually if you can. We were just down to night feeds by the end and it's amazing how your body adjusts to demand! Xx

 

[WinterWolf]

@MoominGirl Personally I only found breastfeeding painful after 24hrs because my nipples were getting chapped. Then they hurt for a day and never again despite baby constantly feeding. But pain definitely is normal, even when they say it isn’t!! Stopping was hard for me too even though I had a low supply. Slow and steady... it’s painful but your body only takes 48hrs to adjust once you drop a feed.

@Kitana Yes kegals are a must!! I thought I had a postpartum prolapse from weeks 3-8 because everything felt so weird down below. I don’t luckily, and I’m only now (11 weeks pp) just starting to feel normal. With the toilet things - I had rubbish bladder control for the first week and diarrhoea + very little bowel control for the first 24hrs after birth. Soo humiliating!!! (I wasn’t sick - apparently this can be normal..) At least I never had trouble going I guess...

Postpartum hormones is another good one! The baby blues really got me down and I feel like I missed out on the first week of her life because I was so depressed. When she was 2-3 weeks old the cloud lifted and suddenly I was happy again. So bizarre. If I was better prepared I probably would’ve handled it better.

 

[MissKW]

I wish I knew how quickly the newborn stage really passed, that all baby wants is me so hubby wouldn't be as Involved as we expected, how often and how long they feed for and how little they actually sleep to start with, how agonisingly painful breastfeeding would be once milk comes in but that it quickly gets better, that buying a moses basket and cot is pointless lol and the must have of a sling.
More than anything I wish I knew that I would still be able to get everything done, that life would still be normal, that babies aren't as hard as I was always told, that my body would go back in time, that I would love being a mum more than I ever expected, and that nobody actually knows what they are doing to start with, that I would feel love and pride like never before, that I would feel a new sense of life, the high of energy you get the moment after birth which lasts a good 6 months, that I would sleep so much more after baby arrived rather than less (I had restless legs and averaged 3 hours sleep a night during pregnancy), that a routine isn't necessary, that things just fit into place, that everything would be more than worth it, and that I would want to do it all again.
I spent so much time worrying about everything whilst I was pregnant that I forgot to just stop and enjoy it. I was terrified, everybodies stories of parenthood seemed so negative and off putting, I was prepared for the worst, when in reality it's the BEST thing I have ever done!!
When I get pregnant again I will be far more confident and relaxed about everything.
Nobody told me just how amazing it would really be. That I wish I knew!

 

[WinterWolf]

@MissKW You slept MORE once baby was born?! I had restless legs and was up every hour whilst pregnant but I definitely found the newborn sleep deprivation to be something else. The newborn stage does pass so quickly and being a mum really is the best thing ever x

 

[Kitana]

@MissKW You slept MORE once baby was born?! I had restless legs and was up every hour whilst pregnant but I definitely found the newborn sleep deprivation to be something else. The newborn stage does pass so quickly and being a mum really is the best thing ever x

I agree, the sleep deprivation was not something anyone can prepare you for. I never knew on how little sleep a body could function (not mentally obviously). Wouldn't wish it upon anyone actually!

 

[MissKW]

@MissKW You slept MORE once baby was born?! I had restless legs and was up every hour whilst pregnant but I definitely found the newborn sleep deprivation to be something else. The newborn stage does pass so quickly and being a mum really is the best thing ever x

I definitely got much more sleep once he arrived, it was fantastic lol! Granted it was hard the first week or so adjusting to him, but once I had things sussed I slept amazing, and just woke twice in the night to feed and change him (he was a lovely newborn as he never cried at bed time and would just wiggle around making cute little noises until I woke if he needed anything).
People looked at me gone out when they asked how much sleep we got and I mentioned getting much more sleep than before he arrived XD maybe I was just lucky though, he is a good sleeper to be fair!

 

[WinterWolf]

I definitely got much more sleep once he arrived, it was fantastic lol! Granted it was hard the first week or so adjusting to him, but once I had things sussed I slept amazing, and just woke twice in the night to feed and change him (he was a lovely newborn as he never cried at bed time and would just wiggle around making cute little noises until I woke if he needed anything).
People looked at me gone out when they asked how much sleep we got and I mentioned getting much more sleep than before he arrived XD maybe I was just lucky though, he is a good sleeper to be fair!

Ah, lucky you. Definitely not the norm though haha! Winter woke every 2-3hrs for the first 3 weeks. Then she started going 4hrs between wake ups. At about 6-7 weeks she was down to waking once, occasionally twice at night. Now she’s 11 weeks and is occasionally sleeping through but usually waking once. We’re getting enough sleep now but the first few weeks were unbelievably hard.

 

[MoominGirl]

@MoominGirl Personally I only found breastfeeding painful after 24hrs because my nipples were getting chapped. Then they hurt for a day and never again despite baby constantly feeding. But pain definitely is normal, even when they say it isn’t!! Stopping was hard for me too even though I had a low supply. Slow and steady... it’s painful but your body only takes 48hrs to adjust once you drop a feed.

Postpartum hormones is another good one! The baby blues really got me down and I feel like I missed out on the first week of her life because I was so depressed. When she was 2-3 weeks old the cloud lifted and suddenly I was happy again. So bizarre. If I was better prepared I probably would’ve handled it better.

It seems to take my body a lot longer than 48 hours to adjust!! Without question, it was how I ended up with mastitis. Little man decided to drop the midnight feed yet I was still waking up engorged days later!! You're lucky it was only painful for 24 hours - for me it was hideous!! Poor support meant I did too much damage too quickly and it was just an uphill battle after that!!

Cluster feeding is another one. Now it baffles me that we attended several breastfeeding sessions yet no one thought to mention that cluster feeding is even a thing. It would have helped A LOT to be prepared for that.

Similar to you, I feel like I really lost the first 2 weeks in particular and then suddenly the cloud started to lift and I knew things would be ok. Again, a little head's up would have helped both me and OH cope better.

 

[WinterWolf]

It seems to take my body a lot longer than 48 hours to adjust!! Without question, it was how I ended up with mastitis. Little man decided to drop the midnight feed yet I was still waking up engorged days later!! You're lucky it was only painful for 24 hours - for me it was hideous!! Poor support meant I did too much damage too quickly and it was just an uphill battle after that!!

Cluster feeding is another one. Now it baffles me that we attended several breastfeeding sessions yet no one thought to mention that cluster feeding is even a thing. It would have helped A LOT to be prepared for that.

Similar to you, I feel like I really lost the first 2 weeks in particular and then suddenly the cloud started to lift and I knew things would be ok. Again, a little head's up would have helped both me and OH cope better.

I got mastitis twice trying to stop BFing but that’s because I skipped multiple feeds at a time one day and then disn’t skip any other days, I was all over the place.. when I started properly dropping one feed at a time it wasn’t too bad. But I never had a good supply so I imagine it would definitely be a lot worse for most women. I had no idea what cluster feeding was either and kept asking the midwives if it was normal and they said no! They told me to kick her off after 20mins, so wrong. She just wanted comfort and there’s nothing wrong with that! It totally was normal and I wish I knew they were wrong.

At least we’ll cope better with feeding/postpartum emotions if we ever have second babies.

 

[IVW]

God there is sooooo much they DONT tell you and when you raise your concerns and questions with the midwifes, they are almost so blarzay (spelling?) about it

I wish they had warned us that the vomiting for the first few days is quite normal - would save the sheer panic for parents!

It seems like I am really lucky to have ‘mastered’ breastfeeding, but again - why do they not even mention cluster feeding?! What is that about! It’s such a major part of your day with a baby. Maybe they don’t disclose it to not put you off

I think they should also be telling all woman to put lanolin on their nipples after every feed and recommend a thick tooth comb to brush your boobs whilst in the shower to clear any potential blockages - simple things like this will make such a difference to woman. I have to agree with the professionals and say, if it hurts, you’re not quite getting it. As soon as he was hurting my nipple, I got him straight off every time and got him on again - he needs to know that it’s not right, so he stops doing it. I wanted my nipples to stay in tact

I’m 4 weeks in and can say *touch wood* that my mental state hasn’t been effected, but can definately see how woman can get the baby blues and worse. My partner has had a lot of time off and does shift work so I know I am not alone with him for more than 2 days, which I think has helped big time.

The days fly by and getting things done around the house just take longer than usual.

All I can say is it can be tough, but you must tell yourself, nothing is forever and the sleepless nights will eventually end - probably when they’re 30

 

[MoominGirl]

You are so lucky that you got the hang of breastfeeding so quickly. I do agree with you that it shouldn't hurt. However, in my experience, the early support with breastfeeding was so poor so unsurprisingly I was doing it wrong but wasn't given the support I needed to get it right! What I didn't know was just how quickly the damage was done! Like less than 24 hours!!! So when I was getting it right, it still hurt so I thought I was doing it wrong!! One unhelpful support worker told me off (yes really!) when I unlatched him as the pain was toe curling because it looked right. No wonder I was confused!! It wasn't until I finally got good support from someone sensible who said the reason it hurts is because the damage is already there, count to 10 and if it's still painful unlatch. Seems obvious now but it's the only reason we're still breastfeeding. Plenty of lanolin helped with the healing and after that it was no longer painful. I've said it so many times but I'm not slightly surprised that so many women don't breastfeed.

You're also lucky to avoid the baby blues and I can totally see why it can become more serious than that for a lot of women. I was hit hard with the baby blues and I do think our difficult start with feeding was a big factor in that. Now the only time I get a little crazy is when I'm especially exhausted. Again, having a supportive husband really helps.

Nothing lasts forever is all I say these days!!

 

[IVW]

That’s such a shame the support wasn’t there. It’s almost luck of the drawer what midwifes we get, but it also doesn’t help when you get mixed responses and advice at the end of the day, you stuck to it and didn’t give up, which is the main thing. Are you still bf now? I need to express but worried my boobs will run out lol

How I didn’t get the baby blues is beyond me - I was almost expecting it. My mum and siblings all suffer with mental health issues and I almost felt it could be laying dormant for me and this baby could bring something on, but thankfully I was ok. That was a big worry for me.

Either way, we’re all doing a great job