New to this site - scared and looking for help

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by HLL, Jan 8, 2012.

  1. HLL

    HLL New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2012
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi, I'm new to this site and suppose I am looking for reassurance that I am normal and that other people have felt the same way as I do (with a good result in the end!).

    I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago and it was unplanned. I am in a good relationship but it wouldn't have been the timing of our choice as we wanted to get married etc before kids, although I did always think I would have them eventually.

    We've been to speak to a counsellor at the hospital and considered our options but I just can't justify termination - I am 35 next week, own home, good job and relationship - but I am still absolutely terrified about whether I am doing the right thing. I am scared of the changes and not leading the life I do now, but the thought of never having kids is equally terrifying. Is it normal to feel like this?

    Thanks (and sorry if this seems trivial).
     
  2. becks81

    becks81 Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2011
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi.

    Believe me, it's very normal to feel like this. My OH and I were trying to get pregnant and I still now have those moments when I think 'can I do this' and you think about the change in lifestyle etc. But they are brief moments and then you realise how important lil one is to you and that you are starting a new chapter in your life that can be just as enjoyable and exciting as your life was before, but in a much more fulfilling way. We can all try and map out our lives the way we want it to go, but seldom does life turn out exactly how you planned. So try not to worry to much hun x hope u have a happy and healthy 9 mths x
     
  3. roxane 1985

    roxane 1985 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2011
    Messages:
    1,671
    Likes Received:
    0
    totally normal hun

    i had my daughter at 22 and my son at 26

    my life has changed for the better, i cherish every single day with my kids watching them grow and develop

    i use to go clubbing alot, alot with working and college

    i still work and i still go out but id rather be with my kids so when i go out its places they can go too

    my weekend highlights are taking my daughter to swimming lessons, paying board games and snuggling on the sofa watching tv and im the happiest ive ever been xx
     
  4. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2011
    Messages:
    6,688
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes all perfectly normal.
    I tried for 5 months to get pregnant and I still have panicky moments. Just yesterday I was looking at summer holidays, because we always book to go somewhere in July or Aug, but I'm due early Aug and got quite panicked about how much my life will change and how holidays abroad will never be the same again.
    But at the end of the day, I don't know anyone with a child, planned or unplanned, who regrets it or wish they didn't have their baby.
    Congrats! And I'm sure ull be a great mum x

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk
     
  5. mishi

    mishi Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2011
    Messages:
    5,457
    Likes Received:
    0
    All totally normal honey. I feel like that this time round (I'm 39) and felt like it first time too - I had my daughter when I was 19, and even though I love her dearly and have never regretted having her, I feel worried all over again about this pregnancy! Will I cope? Will we cope with huge change in lifestyle? List goes on and on........But you will and what it will bring to your life in a positive way, soo out shadows any small negatives that it brings.
    Keep talking and keep us posted.xx
     
  6. TeeUK

    TeeUK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2010
    Messages:
    572
    Likes Received:
    0
    yup I felt same way..I'm 39 (my daughter is 18) I really wanted another child for years and was devastated to have two mc's....however when I got preg this time (unplanned) I had a massive panics from begining I worried about everything under the sun from my age to giving birth....but when I saw my baby on scan it all melted away...now I can't wait :)
     
  7. BellaRiven

    BellaRiven Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2010
    Messages:
    2,985
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yup completel;y normal :)

    We tried for 3 years and i still have days where I think 'Oh crap I am going to have another human rely on me'

    Yes things will change but for the better I think :)
     
  8. Em91

    Em91 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,618
    Likes Received:
    0
    Its completely normal, me and my OH were so shocked it took us a week to even properly sit and discuss it. We were the same wanted to be married own a house etc before we had a baby. But we accepted that somehow it was meant to be. We're now excited and quite happy but still have moments when you go omg this is really scary!!
     
  9. Loula

    Loula Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    6,732
    Likes Received:
    7
    definately a shock for me, result of a one night stand gone wrong but i do not regret it even if i am bringing this baby up on my own. We all have wobbly moments and things going on in life but ive learnt sometimes things have to go on hold for alittle while xx
     
  10. BabyBrain

    BabyBrain Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2011
    Messages:
    8,103
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ah hunny I totally get where you are coming from. I'm 34 and we were trying for 10 years to have a baby with no success, we just gave up and then our little boy has decided to make an appearance. You would think we would be the happiest parents on this earth but tbh for the first few weeks we were just in major shock.

    Gone are the spontaneous weekends away, gone are the nights out and the designer clothes. It has completely freaked us both out as we were convinced it would never happen.

    But on the flip side we are starting an adventure like nothing we could have ever planned ourselves. Our little man is going to be the most amazing experience and now we've come to terms with it we cannot wait for him to be here :D.

    I hate being pregnant lol, the aches and pains, not being able to bend in the middle and I won't even start on the farting.....but when I feel him moving around I just can't help but smile :D. You'll get used to it, you are in a great position to have a family and tbh you can get married anytime. Try to start enjoying the little life inside of you and am sure you will make amazing parents xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  11. Karate Kid

    Karate Kid Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2011
    Messages:
    3,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    This forum is brilliant for reassurance as you can see. Our baby was very much planned we had been trying for four months which is nothing compared to what some couples have gone through. It was still a massive shock and my hubby is so concerned about the finances despite us being perfectly comfortable. Xx
     
  12. vixxie77

    vixxie77 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2010
    Messages:
    3,145
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was like this with DD, so worried that I wouldn't be able to cope or know how to look after her. But once she was born, it all came so naturally, it was amazing! We can't wait for baby no 2 to arrive either :D Being married isn't that important, I know it is to some people, my family are always telling us we need to get married and we will one day, but having children was more important to us. You sound like you're in a very good position to be having a baby too x x
     
  13. Kiwi

    Kiwi Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2010
    Messages:
    231
    Likes Received:
    0
    Completely agree with all the other posts. This is my second pregnancy and I am having all the same anxieties I had first time round - despite loving being a mummy and having an amazingly supportive husband and workplace to boot! I think it's all part of the process of preparing yourself for the life altering (in the best possible way) changes ahead. xxx
     
  14. babyem

    babyem Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2011
    Messages:
    9,974
    Likes Received:
    0
    Your normal!!

    Welcome to the forum! :D xx
     
  15. HLL

    HLL New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2012
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks to everyone for the reassurance which really does help. I wasn't sure whether to keep the baby with it being unplanned but now that I have made that decision I am calmer but still have moments of major panic!

    Just hoping that my boyfriend can get his head round it, fingers crossed.
     
  16. Rachel1509

    Rachel1509 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2011
    Messages:
    1,616
    Likes Received:
    0
    My pregnancy was unplanned too - it took me a few days from finding out for me to have a good think about what I wanted to do about it.
    I always saw myself as the complete opposite of maternal, and used to tell people I would never have children. Oh how things change!

    Once the pregnancy progresses, you'll realise how much you want it all! It's a very scary commitment to make so of course you're going to be panicky about it! You're normal, don't worry! :lol:
     
  17. Loula

    Loula Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2011
    Messages:
    6,732
    Likes Received:
    7
    i was exactly the same and now i cant wait for bubba x
     
  18. Em91

    Em91 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,618
    Likes Received:
    0

    My OH took a few weeks to get his head around it, he said because he couldn't feel the baby like i could with feeling pregnant it took ages to actually accept there was really a baby in there. 5 weeks later he's started getting excited now :) So you oh will get there i'm sure think men just take a bit like FX for you
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice