Need to vent!

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by bubbea, Jul 13, 2016.

  1. bubbea

    bubbea Well-Known Member

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    Everyone is pregnant! Everywhere I go, everyone I see is pregnant. All my friends with pregnant or recently had babies. One of my friends didn't even know her partner this time last year 😱
    It makes me feel guilty I really am happy for them but the envy eats away at me. How do you cope with this? My partner gets upset and feels like a blame him if I mention it. I have pcos so I know it's me. How do you stop yourself getting low 😔
     
  2. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    I really don't have an answer for this just wanted to send you big hugs :hug: I know exactly how you feel! It's not that you aren't happy for others, it's just that you feel sad for yourself! Come join us on the symptom spotters anonymous thread in am I pregnant section. We're all very like minded! Xx
     
    #2 MrsS15, Jul 14, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
  3. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Oh tell me about it. my sister-in-law got pregnant by accident, my younger sister is pregnant now and a girl at work got pregnant straight away twice! Got to watch her bump grow now... After all these years I've started to accept it will never happen and begun to look at the positives of a life without children - eg going on expensive holidays whenever we want, doing stuff on the house, going out for meals etc etc. When people say anything I've started to say that I can't have kids. That gets me through life strangely. I know there's a tiny chance it could happen but I'd rather them not know that and then not ask. (And I cried my eyes out when my sister told me she was pregnant btw...) xxx
     
  4. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    Sucks doesn't it. Big hugs. I also have pcos and our problems are mine not my oh so I feel extra guilty about that. The only way I cope is to have a hobby that keeps me busy and to cry in private every time a new announcement is made! It is so hard this ttc journey.
     
  5. Sugarpop

    Sugarpop Well-Known Member

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    I'm the same. The only thing that gets me through any of it is thinking I still have a bit of time left! I hate feeling jealous. It's a normal reaction but it's just so unfair. Especially when some people only ever moan about their children.
     
  6. ClaireDoll

    ClaireDoll Well-Known Member

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    Feel for you honey I'm the same the now, jealousy pouring out me and I'm really not a jealous person regarding anything else at all! I agree with MrsS view that it's not that you're not happy for others but your just sad for yourself, sometimes we all need to be a bit more selfish and tell ourselves it's okay to be upset. Xx
     
  7. bubbea

    bubbea Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies it's good to know I'm not being selfish. They last one to tell me (my friend) was literally like a kick I. The stomach I tried to play it off as shock but it sure wasn't!! Yes sugar pop when people moan about their pregnancy or their children it angers me. My sister in law knows bits about my problems and had IVF herself yet she still says to me oh do you want a naughty child you can have him; like I know she's joking but how thoughtless. X
     
  8. tinselcat

    tinselcat Well-Known Member

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    I hope you don't mind me answering but I totally remember that feeling and I hated all the facebook updates like "poor me, I can't see my feet when I step on the scales now" etc.

    What you're feeling is a natural feeling.

    I think there is a baby boom going on, but there is also that thing that once you start TTC/wanting a baby you do suddenly start noticing all the pregnant people around you. I never clocked a one til age 27! Then they were walking down the street, everywhere etc!

    Some thoughts that may help: (based on my extensive efforts to stop feeling jealous)

    - you never know what other people have gone through to get where they are today. 1 in 4 women have suffered a miscarriage/stillbirth and there can be few things as terrible as losing your baby. Also, miscarriage is a taboo subject so you don't know who these people are. And for all the "it happened the first month" people, there may well be people who have secretly being TTC for much longer than they let on, and are only now getting their good news.

    - other people being pregnant / having children aren't preventing you from being pregnant - it's not like there's a limited supply of babies to be born into the world (this thought helped me a little, hence me mentioning it)

    - I've been on PF and LTTTC for many years (over 5 years!) and in that time, there are very very few women who didn't eventually go on to have a baby, even if they had a really rocky road. So, even if it feels like there isn't much, even though these people are different and not standing there in your shoes, there is still hope.

    - There was one guy who irritated me during his wife's pregnancy on facebook, going on a little too much about the bump etc. Unfortunately that baby died from heart failure during the birth. Another person I knew, who annoyingly kept going on and on and ON about how surprised she was to be pregnant, that it happened on the first month on honeymoon etc, she had her baby and then a couple of years later (while still young and in her 30s) developed cancer (she seems to have recovered). While I obviously never wished these people ill will, you don't know what is going to happen to people and what suffering they may encounter in life. So personally I am trying to cultivate a philosophy of being more glad of the good times for other people, if that makes sense.

    You have my sympathy - it IS hard, there is no doubt about it. xxx
     
    #8 tinselcat, Jul 22, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2016
  9. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Tinselcat. After seeing my best friend from school is now pregnant I needed that. It does seem that a lot of people are having babies! Xxx
     
  10. Sugarpop

    Sugarpop Well-Known Member

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    Same here. Wish they'd bugger off!
     
  11. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Oh Sugarpop, why can't they come up with a miracle cure for our PCOS and dodgy uteruses?!
     
  12. Sugarpop

    Sugarpop Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure if they cured one thing that was dodgy they'd find something else dodgy with me ha :roll:
     
  13. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Me too Sugarpop hahaha xx
     
  14. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

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    Life is a rollercoaster, very few people get through life without sadness, we all have good times and sad times. I totally agree when we want something we seem to notice where it is , in the past I never noticed pregnant women now I see them all the time. For myself and my hubby we haven't been blessed with a baby and as I am now 44 we have had to stop TTC in April, over the last 4 years we have had two missed miscarriages , the second was with twins and we had seen their little heartbeats at 8 weeks, I carry that heartache in my heart but not on my face. I always felt that the more people I saw pregnant meant that I might have a better chance of it happening for us, I didn't feel jealous as I'd never swap my life for someone else's, I have many other blessings. I did feel a personal sadness as I knew myself and my DH had so much love to give a baby. I do find it hard now to be with our friends who have young babies, I love the babies but it makes my own grief re not being able to give my DH a baby seem overwhelming, I'm ok around older children. Since our decision to stop our TTC journey I've already started to notice people who don't have children and I've realized they've always been there just not on my radar.
    We can only play the hand we're dealt, I look at life as positively as possible, I try my best to stay hopeful, most of the girls I have met in the LTTTC section have gone on to get pregnant and have babies, I still pop in to PF to follow the girls in the Pregnancy section or in the LTTTC section, it makes my heart feel glad that they have been blessed with healthy babies.
    In reality my age was against us and we gave it our best shot naturally and decided we weren't having IVF. I know the pain of being childless and as a result I wish everyone bucket loads of baby dust.

    Hopefully your take home babies are on their way to you xx
     

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