Need others opinions on forgiving husband

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by ChloeRose, Aug 4, 2021.

  1. ChloeRose

    ChloeRose New Member

    Aug 4, 2021
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    I’m sorry but this may be kind of long. I need some help on what to do and how to try forgiving my husband (we will call him R) for some chooses he made. I’ll start by saying I’m 30 weeks pregnant with our first child and we are both extremely excited. Lately I have been feeling very insecure about my body and feeling very unlike myself. I haven’t been feeling the greatest and I told R about this. Normally when I talk to him about these things he is so supportive and assures me that my body is beautiful and he loves everything about me but this time he kind of brushed it off. Not even 20 minutes later I see him looking at girls in leggings on his phone (something that he really likes if you know what I mean). Normally if I weren’t home and he were to look at something like that I wouldn’t mind since I can’t always be there to take care of a situation but this time it really hurt since I was right there and we just had that conversation. I didn’t say anything to him right then because he was going to the beach with a friend (we will call him J) a little while later and I didn’t want to fight before he left. The only reason I didn’t go with them is because I wasn’t feeling that great and I still wanted R to have a great time. Sure I was upset because I really wanted to go but I didn’t want to hold him back from having fun. This beach is 2 and a half hours away from our house so I told him to just keep me updated on when he got there, when they left, etc… He let me know when they got there and said they would probably start heading home around 5-5:30. Around 4 J texted me saying that they would probably be staying until around 7. 7:30 comes around and R finally texted me saying that they would be staying a little while longer because J was having a really good time at the beach. I was a little upset because he would be getting home much later than the original plan but I let it slide because it was Js birthday. 11pm comes around and I still haven’t gotten a text from R saying that they are on their way home so I start to get nervous that he forgot and something happened on the way. I texted him asking when he might be coming home and he said they already left and hit bad traffic because of an accident. I said ok and decided I would stay up until he got home so I started playing on my phone. I decided to check snapchat and noticed that J just posted something 5 minutes before. It was a video of them in an extremely packed bar. I texted R and asked if he was lying to me and that I saw Js snapchat. He told me he wasn’t lying and that was from a while ago and that they left already. We have our phones set up so we can always see each other’s locations in case of an emergency but I’ve never once used it. Something in my gut told me to check it. Sure enough his location said he was at a bar 2 and a half hours from our house. I texted him back and told him to stop lying and that I knew he was still there. He continued to insist they left already. I sent him a screenshot showing his location and he still tried to say he didn’t know why it said that because they left. We went back and forth for a little while before he finally admitted that he was lying to me and he was so sorry that he lied (they were actually on their way home now but only because I caught him). I made him stay at Js house that night because I didn’t want him home. Since then he has been so apologetic and you can genuinely tell he regrets everything he did that day but I’m having a hard time forgiving him. When we first started dating I had just come out of a very bad relationship (9 years) where I was constantly being lied to and made to feel like garbage about myself so I struggled with these things a lot. R never made me feel that way and always made me feel amazing and never lied to me. Our relationship is essentially based on 100% honesty so that’s why I’m so hurt because I have no idea where any of this came from. Now I kind of feel like I did when I was in my previous relationship. I’m having a hard time forgiving not just the fact that he lied but also the fact that he continued to lie even after he knew that I already knew he was lying. Any help or advice would be very much appreciated and I’m sorry this is basically a novel.
  2. Sct85

    Sct85 New Member

    Aug 2, 2021
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    I would speak to him and explain exactly how you feel and why his behaviour has made you feel that way. Explain how it feels from your point of view and ask him to switch the situation and imagine how he would feel had you done the same.

    Perhaps he was having a sort of last bit of ‘freedom’ before baby comes as I know a few guys have a bit of a wobble and try to cling on to that place in time when they didn’t have responsibilities.

    He needs to consider your feelings though and the impact of his behaviour and how far it can reach x
  3. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

    Aug 11, 2016
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    Hi hun, I'm sure you feel angry towards your OH but it does seem like you have a good relationship and hormones do sometimes make everything seem a 1000 times worse. Maybe he lied because he didn't want you to feel bad for not being there and missing out...
    I would ask him why he felt like he couldn't trust you and felt the need to lie to you.

    Maybe something happened before which made him think being at the bar would upset you? Did you used to go out a lot before the pregnancy? Do you dislike some of his friends? Or the fact that he hangs out with some people?

    As for the girls in leggings, men are just men. I can't explain it otherwise. They are more visual than women but looking at a girl in leggings is a bit insensitive when you're around, but better that he looks at some online instead of trying to get in touch with one. He probably does it more than you think but maybe you've been at home a lot more than before and started noticing it because you feel insecure yourself due to your body changing.

    I wouldn't make a big deal out of it because you will regret it. In the end, all he did was go out with some friends and it ended being a lot more fun than expected. It seems like he just didn't want to upset you.

    Hope you feel better hun!x
  4. miamia

    miamia Well-Known Member

    Aug 3, 2015
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    Agree with previous posters, I would also ask him why he lied. Maybe he did not want to upset you or cos of any other reasons.

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