Need advice - has anyone been through the courts?

[Nat26]

I am 16 weeks pregnant, I also have two little ones who are 1 and 2. My ex partner left a few weeks ago, days later I found out he was sleeping with another women.

A quick background, he has never been interested in doing anything with the children, He has not supported them financially or shown any responsibility in parenting. He has been emotionally abusive towards me and I have put up with it because stupidly I loved him. He was living in my house, not paying to live here. He would go out do his own thing and never be around to support me. When my first child was born and would cry at night he would hit me to get me out of bed to see to him. What would have happened if I wasn't there I dread to think. I have been alone with no support, my children are my everything.

He now wants access to see them, I am finding this extremely upsetting and stressful. He has not shown himself to be a trustworthy parent and I have done everything for my children since day one. They have never spent any time away from me except when I am at work. (I have supported them financially)

Someone please help. What can I do?

 

[Loula]

Can u go for supervised access to begin with?
Im not brilliant at this as my lo dad cut all ties.
Maybe get some legal advice I know sone solicitors offer a free 30 min consult x

 

[Nat26]

Thanks for your reply Loula, yes I will arrange to see a solicitor this week I am just struggling to get anything done when I have the children with me 24/7.

 

[Holi]

Big hug Nat - sounds awful! Do you want them to see their dad at all or is it you just don't trust him to take them overnight/long periods of time??

All I know I got from Jeremy Kyle! start with a supervised access at a contact centre until he has proven that he is reliable and good with kids. If he doesn't show up, it's on record and won't have a leg to stand on. If he surprises you and is true to the agreement then revisit the agreement. You need feel happy they are safe and looked after so just go at your pace xx

Goo luck xx

 

[Nat26]

Thanks Holi, this is just like a Jeremy kyle episode! I'm not keen on him seeing them at all, what hes done has had a really bad effect on my son. He is not a good father and I really worry for my kids safety with him. Like I say I have done all the care of them up to now. He hasnt seen them now in 2 weeks, my son is finally starting to settle. There needs to be more time as pushing to see them now is not in their best interests. A contact centre will be the only way I am happy for him to be anywhere near them. He honestly is a vile creature and certainly doesn't deserve the most amazing kids
Xx

 

[Starlight1986]

My friend went through this however the children's father wasn't abusive or anything like that at all.

It depends first of all how quickly your ex goes to court. If he waits months and months then the judge will advise starting with the minimal supervised visits and building on them.

The issue that I can see you having in a judges eyes is if he was/is so bad then why did/do you keep having children with him??
Also he left you?? He is horrible to the children but you never left him??

Please don't think I'm judging you I'm just making you aware of what your exs lawyer will say and the judge will take into consideration.

Do you have any proof of your exs behaviour towards the children etc?
X

 

[xminniex]

If you are open to supervised contact I don't see any reason for them not to agree and push for unsupervised when you tell them whats happened I'm sure they will agree for safety reasons xxx

 

[xminniex]

And then by the sounds of what you say he won't be consistent anyway! Xxx good luck

 

[Nat26]

I wish I could answer your question as to why I stayed with him, My family cut me out of their lives and didn't want anything to do with me because I was with him.. He was all I had so I took everything he dished out like I deserved it. Lets make it clear I did everything with the children and he never showed an interest in them, to my knowledge he never did anything to them except ignore them....but if I wasn't around then who knows what would have happened??

Basically he lived here in my house, didn't pay to live here, bled me dry of all my money (he has left me with huge debts) and now he has run off with another women. I love my children to pieces and I want to protect them the best I can. I have no support, like I say my family have barely spoken to me since I was pregnant with my son. I will soon have 3 very young children on my own and the additional stress he is putting me under just shows the sort of man he is.

xx

 

[Holi]

Sounds awful - maybe you should reach out to your family? Now they know that your splitting up and you can see what a nasty man he is they probably would want to help you get back on your feet?? Xx

 

[Nat26]

I wish my family were that nice but none of them are its so tough doing it on your own with noone to help but theres nothing I can do.

 

[Starlight1986]

Does he had a family, perhaps they could give you some help and support even if he can't? X

 

[Nat26]

He family have been just as awful as him, they are obviously not interested in me or the kids. They think its acceptable what he has done

 

[mum2b410]

Nat hun- I wish I had some advice but I can't add anything Just wanted to say I'm so sorry u r going through such a crap time! Sounds like u and your children really deserve better! Just one thought popped into my head- would CAB b a place to start, just for free advice? Xx

 

[wifeywifey]

Hi hun we are dealing with courts but its completely different (my dh wants to see his son) First they will try to get you to do mediation before court and unlikely they will stop contact completely. However they no longer do legal aid for it so he would have to pay for ot but as he isnt working doubt he can afford. however he can do it without a solicitor (we are because we know we won't lose) but that will still cost a few hundred pounds.

 

[Starlight1986]

Nat could you try and patch things up with your family now? From your previous post you say they cut you off because you were with him, now your not perhaps you could try?

Just think it's essential you get some support from somewhere xx

 

[Nat26]

We talk now but I'd hardly say they are supportive

 

[Nat26]

Thanks I've been to CAB today, they didn't have too much more to say than I already knew but was a good start.

Would be really interested in hearing about the mediation process and court process you've been through wifeywifey, I will PM if that's ok?

 

[wifeywifey]

We are only at the beginning of it and been told to expect a long wait. I only know from speaking to a solicitor what to expect but if I can help I will.

 

[wifeywifey]

Oh and solicitors offer free consultation which would be able to get you free advice for your spacific situation