My unemployed husband

Discussion in 'Home Life & Finances' started by Cathrine, Mar 26, 2017.

  1. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    How close are you to your family? Is it possible to ask for some sort of loan off them to get you back on your feet a little bit. So that you can afford the doctors at least? Xx

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  2. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    Did you put any research in this before you went? because I know this is quite common in America even for non immigrants, the 0 maternity support, having to work two jobs etc.. I don't think you're being fair on your husband at all and I'm sure this situation isn't making him happy either.


     
  3. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Sorry whilst i get your having a really hard time your being awful if you moved and take baby with you. Im sure he is trying as hard as he can. How would you feel if he took her away. Your daughter deserves both her parents!
    You need to try and do everything to get you all back to denmark.
     
  4. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Yeah defo common!I know quite a few US ladies from a Facebook group I'm on and a lot did go back to work at the 6-10 week mark. The maternity rights suck over there for everyone. Xxx

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  5. redbear

    redbear Well-Known Member

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    Can you not go to ta free clinic of some kind? I'm really sorry your having to work but it's really not the worst thing in the world I think you need help psychologically and even if you go to Denmark as a single parent with depression living on benifits you will need support and lots of it, it would be much better if you could find a way to take your husband with you. Xx
     
  6. Cathrine

    Cathrine Well-Known Member

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    I'm having a really tough time supporting us all and living in poverty, working 40 hours a week and dealing with a little baby and PPD seems completely impossible to me. I need my family around me for support. His family is ... Different and doesn't really like me. I don't have any friends over here and I'm just ready to let it all go. My biggest wish is to go back.
     
  7. redbear

    redbear Well-Known Member

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    Your working full time now? Have you poken to your husband yet about how you feel or even asked him if he would move with you?
    You need to sort out your ppd before you end up making life changing decisions.

    Once you have a baby as harsh as this sounds its not all about whats best for you its whats best for your child. Im not saying you shouldnt be happy but i dont think moving to denmark is going to make a difference, you're probably looking at home through rose tinted glasses.
     
  8. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    Oh and let me just add this, with you being married and both having parental responsibility towards your child you wouldn't even be allowed to permanently move back without his permission as they can do you for child abduction or refuse you entry to the country without it. It's not as easy as it seems.

    As harsh as it sounds but this is the reality of living in America. It's not one big American dream as it may have seemed, it's a capitalist country who doesn't give two shits about it's citizens especially not now trump is president.

    I would really come to an agreement with your husband and see how he feels moving back to Denmark with you at least you then have the support from your family, healthcare system ect.. and if you then still want to split from him once all them newborn baby hormones have settled down at least you don't have the issue of not as easily being able to move back and not having no support around you. Think about it.


     
  9. Cathrine

    Cathrine Well-Known Member

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    The thing is, I have my husband's blessing to do what I see fit. I think he's just given up, honestly - and I cannot blame him. We have all nessecary paperwork notarized and in order for a permanent move - simply because we might be facing homelessness soon.
    things were very different when we chose to get pregnant even. We both worked well paying jobs, had a beautiful home, insurance and savings. Things just turned around so fast. He's been without a job for almost 6 months - that's not bloody normal.
    I guess I just never think about us having a responsibility together. I see my self as the main parent and that's probably wrong. Things just changed so much that I don't know what's up and down.
     
  10. kumber

    kumber Well-Known Member

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    If it's any consolation, my partner has been out of uni and is working a steady minimum wage job at the moment but it's really not enough to raise a family on. We were made homeless and thankfully got a place, but because it came with nothing and we had nothing, we had to buy everything from carpets and white goods to seating and beds. It's left us in about £3k of debt. Add to that a further £1k of debt from when we were made homeless the year previous and it pretty much sucks.

    He's been out of university for almost 12 months now, he's got a good degree, a good portfolio, and good employment references in a field that is supposedly crying out for employees.

    He's applying for between 8 and 20 jobs a week.

    He's had 1 interview.

    I can see how much he feels like a failure, he's taking it really hard. He's doing his best but the job market is horrendous, there just aren't enough of them. It's super hard but sometimes you have to take your opportunities at the expense of your child - it's no good being at home with them when they need to eat. I went back to work when my eldest was 12 weeks and it was so, so hard, but we had money. I then had to leave after my maternity leave which is why we're so badly off, I couldn't get a job with better hours despite having a degree myself and 7 years continuous work experience.

    I really feel for you as a family because we're right there with you. So, so many families are living like this and no one seems to care, but I promise you you're not alone. It's hard, but keep your chin up and make good out of what you can


     
  11. Cathrine

    Cathrine Well-Known Member

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    It does help to hear that I'm not the only one in this situation. We've been fighting non stop for weeks now - it's taking such a toll on our relationship and my baby girl, that I'm thinking splitting up completely is better for both me, him and baby. Maybe some time apart will help. I'm sick and need help and support. I need my baby to be in loving surroundings - and America is the most child-hostile country in the world.
     
  12. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Just don't want you to make a decision when you have such a young baby and pnd and then regret it.
    The arguing can be normal with a new baby as it's such a massive change, added with money worries, your OH trying to find a job and feeling the pressure and your pnd and it's no wonder there are arguments.
    My baby girl has real bad silent reflux and she screams a lotttt and sometimes we do argue because we are stressed about it. It's a big adjustment plus people are more snappy when tired. I don't know anyone personally who hasn't argued more with their OH since having a baby. My OH is great at helping out with her but we still argue.
    If you have pnd it will feel a lot worse too. I know its diff but I get anxiety at certain points in my cycle so hormone related and those days feel a lot lot harder with that clouding everything. You will have to ask yourself when things become easier, he has a job, you have less hours, your baby is older, your pnd is better..would you still want to be separated from him? Xx
     
  13. Cathrine

    Cathrine Well-Known Member

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    I love the guy, a lot. We've been through so much together. He's all I have - but I just feel like I can't look away from the fact that baby and I could have safety in my country - maybe just for a time. I have no health insurance here as we couldn't pay for it and we are honestly a couple of weeks away from living in the car. I'd rather just have him settle in with his parents until he gets back on track and then maybe come back to the US.
    - I just feel like I'd be fleeing, you know? I don't know. I don't feel safe at all.
     
  14. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Would his parents have space for you all to stay temporarily until money was sorted? X
     
  15. Cathrine

    Cathrine Well-Known Member

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    Unfortunately not. I'd never put my daughter in that situation. We can barely visit them now as they smoke in the house, don't really clean after the two large dogs and my husband's 23 yo brother who lives there too does drugs in the house.
     
  16. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Ah okay defo can't live there then. Could he come with you at all xx
     
  17. Cathrine

    Cathrine Well-Known Member

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    Guys!!! We figured it out to where we can all go to Denmark!!! We're sorting out the details, but he got accepted into a school in Denmark, and they'll help him get a visa. So I guess we'll leave soon!
     
  18. millielaura

    millielaura Well-Known Member

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    Thats great! :)
     
  19. Eryinera

    Eryinera Well-Known Member

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    Fantastic x x
     
  20. redbear

    redbear Well-Known Member

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    Wonderful news. See he did care! Glad you get to stay as a family unit xx
     

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