My pregnant girlfriend has changed dramatically, advice?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by stressedad2be, Dec 31, 2015.

  1. stressedad2be

    stressedad2be Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi,

    My girlfriend is 7 weeks pregnant, we planned it, it happened the 1st time she ovulated (im pretty proud of that lol). Since becoming pregnant she is a different person, i understand pregnancy hormones are horrendous but she keeps pushing me away and is cold and distant.

    I try and support her and am genuinely excited about the whole thing, we are in love, everything was cool before she got pregnant and it was her choice.

    I run her baths, massage her and just try give her a break by helping with her 2 year old daughter from a previous relationship and i tidy up etc.

    We have argued (im not easy sometimes, i have integrity and when she hammers my morals i react) and at the minute she is just nasty with her responses and just cannot talk anymore, we have always communicated well and resolved stuff but now she just is horrible.

    She had a miscarraige before her daughter and i know it is very difficult for her and she is worried and has admitted feeling depressed about it all.

    She has told me she has mixed feelings about the pregnancy and in a heated row she turned round and shouted i dont want you or your f**king baby. The other night she basically walked in and said if she could go back in time and be with me or not she doesnt know what she would do!!!

    Im a good looking lad, confident and not a pushover, i would die for that girl but right now she makes me feel so unloved and lonely and unsure about the relationship that it is getting me down, i feel as though i cannot talk to her anymore and i think its making me depressed.

    I want to be strong and happy so i can support her etc but feel weak and low.

    I am supposed to be moving in with her but she keeps shouting at me to get out of her house, i left my own home and now i feel like i dont have a home, i need stabilty. What happened to the girl who loved me? Is it hormones? Advice please.

    I feel selfish by posting this and by not coping better but its driving me crazy. I left her house the other day to breathe and get a better perspective, i hardly spoke for two days with her. I let her come to me, she did txt me everyday but nothing kind and loving after a bit of time to reflect.

    PLEASE HELP.

    Thanks
     
  2. Flickalicious

    Flickalicious Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2014
    Messages:
    1,274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Pregnancy is a HUGE deal to most of us women. As hard as it will be in these first few months (at least until after the first scan) just stick by her and ignore her outbursts. You're right when you say it's not her. Hormones make us go bat shit crazy and unfortunately there's not alot we can do. The love will return. She doesn't mean what she says now, she probably doesn't even remember saying it! Just brush it off and know that this won't last forever :)

    I was the same with my husband. With all 3 pregnancies I was a horrific bitch to live with but that's just the nature of having a lovely bundle of joy to look forward to :p It's 9 pants months out of years of pure joy in the future.

    Buckle up and grit those teeth. It'll all be worth it in the end! xXx
     
  3. stressedad2be

    stressedad2be Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes its weird and i find it so hard not to react when she says some of those things, i txt her and told her tonight that she needs to tell me whats going on inside of her, how she is feeling right now about the baby and us so we can clear the air again and i can renew the fight.

    Say what you want to me but if you tell me your basically not sure of the relationship then im going to question it and until im sure your sure im not going to be around (i cant take that sort of thing and tbh i dont feel i should have to, im very black and white and thats how im built.)

    I told her that she needs to try and communicate with me because im losing my mind instead of reacting so cold to me. I go the extra mile alot for her and read the books, wash her hair, shave her legs, massage her daily, i listen, whatever she needs.

    Just dont make me question the relationship.

    She said she will let me know tmoz whats going on.
     
  4. Shepherdess

    Shepherdess Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2015
    Messages:
    1,217
    Likes Received:
    0
    could you be, and I really don't want to upset you, but could you be suffocating her a bit? Her hormones will be all over the place but maybe you just need to let her get on, be there quietly in the background but let her get on with things. When I was pregnant I didn't want people fussing all the time, I don't know how many times I said "I'm pregnant not ill". You sound like your putting a lot of effort in which is lovely it but is she asking for all these massages etc?
     
  5. stressedad2be

    stressedad2be Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Possibly yes, no matter what I do it's like she resents me regardless. I support her and try and do my best...too close and pushes me away, I back off and she sends me txts saying you don't want to talk to me anymore. I can't tread on egg shells around her, I am human and it's affecting my head. Especially when she puts our relationship into question which gives me doubts.

    I'm so stressed with it all. I'm trying to keep cool and talk reasonably as I don't want to stress her but her bitchyness is next level right now.

    A simple everything is fine, we are cool I'm just having a tough time but we solid will suffice. She doesn't want stress but she creates it herself. If she comes back like the devil today then I'm just going to move somewhere else and support her from a distance.

    I have no choice and my patience is hanging on by this thread lol
     
  6. Unicorn

    Unicorn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    2,617
    Likes Received:
    56
    I'm really sorry to read this, pregnancy is a very emotional and stressful time for dads to be as well and it sounds like your girlfriend is treating you horribly and offering you no support at all. From your posts you sounds very similar to my husband and he would simply not stand for me treating him like that, regardless of the situation or my hormones, we are all still adults and should be able to take responsibility for ourselves whether that be to remove ourselves from a situation or reflect on what we have said and done when we are feeling a bit calmer and rational and apologise and communicate.
    Having said all that there is always 2 sides to every story and it may be worth thinking about how your girlfriend would describe the situation, as I'm sure you wouldn't always get the same account from me and my husband ;-)
    It sounds to me like your girlfriend is really struglling with this situation and is trying to push you away and give herself a reason to feel like this! I think all you can do is keep talking to her and explain how you feel, in a calm way, taking her feelings, hormones etc into consideration but being clear that doesn't excuse her behaviour towards you!
    I agree with the above post that she may need some more space and perhaps it would be a good idea for you to have a think about what you need. Do your friends and family know about the pregnancy yet? It may be useful for you to have a dad friend to talk to? You're welcome to PM my hubby Mr Unicorn if you want, he is on here and I'm sure will be more than happy to rant with you about what a bitch I can be ;-) xx
     
  7. Lilalylola

    Lilalylola Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2014
    Messages:
    447
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am sorry your gf is acting like this! I think that she in no way can justify her behaviour! It is selfishly ridiculous! You will hear a lot of people say its her hormones but she is an aduld and should act like one pregnant or not. She is just as much responsible as you and should consider your feelings too. Saying the things she does I have respect for the fact men can deal with these women that think its OK to act like this because ow well I am pregnant and let's blame it on the hormones.
    The only way that this can be solved in my opinion is if she comes to her senses,stops acting like this and tells you why things suddenly changed.
    A normal conversation like adults. Not every one will agree with this and I am aware of that I just see to many women around me take advantage of being pregnant and act ridiculous because let's blame it on the 'hormones'.
    We are humans not animals, we can control ourselves surely.

    I hope things work out for you.
     
  8. sammielou

    sammielou Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2015
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you really want to help her - grow a thicker skin! Don't rise to her comments, don't engage in arguments about society/morality/politics/anything really for a while. She's not likely to listen to reason at this point and you are wasting your breath trying to change her opinion under those circumstances.

    Be helpful around the house and with the toddler, but that comes with a warning: don't at any point make a big deal about it. (Maybe you don't, if so ignore that warning. I'm not sure what you're like, but if my husband does something useful around the house he makes a big song and dance about how he's done it and makes me go look at whatever he's cleaned. Seriously - what does he want? A medal?). If you see something needs doing, do it and don't expect any thanks. Unless you actively thank her every time she does your laundry/whatever chores she quietly gets on with on a regular basis that get taken for granted.

    As for mixed feelings - for many months of trying to concieve I desperately wanted a baby. More than anything in the entire world I wanted a baby. Then suddenly I was pregnant, and OMG - I can't be a mother. I'll be a terrible mother. What was I thinking? (Adjusted in her case to - OMG, I can't be a mother of two. I can barely handle one, how could I possibly think I should do this again?). Pregnancy is a Big Deal. Doubts are natural - she's just scared because she knows that a baby brings big changes.

    She has a two year old from a previous relationship. Meaning that at some point a relationship broke down and she was left alone either pregnant or with a very young child. I don't know the specific details of her past relationship, but it could be that worries surrounding that are flared. She might be worried it'll somehow end up the same way again (My husband was seriously ill 18 months ago, and when I got pregnant I kept having awful dreams / imaginings that he would die before baby was born and I'd have to do this alone. Pregnancy hormones will take existing normal-level worries and magnify them to worst case scenarios).
     
  9. stressedad2be

    stressedad2be Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi all,

    Thanks for the replies, unfortunately we have split up for the time being. She is abusive and shuts me down and i lost it and give her the same back and exploded in anger and kicked the door, her daughter was there. I feel horrible about it because it scared her.

    Its a situation where being around her is getting worse and its getting abusive and toxic.

    I left, i have to maintain my own esteem and self worth, i will never tolerate that behaviour. I feel gutted but she is fucking mental at the minute and does not give an inch.

    Will keep you posted.
     
  10. stressedad2be

    stressedad2be Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi,

    Quick update, we split. Getting abusive and out of hand, i lost it and kicked the stairgate, scared her daughter after her belittling me and putting me down. Shame, i feel bad about things but i got to look after my self worth and get out of a situation which is just so awful, nasty and cold.

    Maybe she will come to her senses, i dont know but i left, its not fair on her daughter or us to rip each other to shreds. Oh well, hope everyone is cool and having a nice time going through it, look after those that love you.
     
  11. alisa

    alisa Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2016
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice