My friend...

[Beckyb1991]

Hi girls ,

I really don't know how to say this without possibly sounding bad or heartless but I have an issue. My friend went into very early labour a couple of months ago and lost her son at 18 weeks. Since then she has obviously been very upset and distressed and has been posting it on facebook , all she seems to talk about on there is the little boy she lost and his grave and posting pictures of his grave. I think it is lovely that she is going there but she goes everyday and its all she talks about! She has another child who she barely seems to mention anymore. I have been just trying to let her get on with it but this morning I woke up at 6 to go to work and logged onto facebook and the first thing I see is that she had posting a picture of her dead baby ... I know she has every right to do so and I don't nessesary think she's done anything wrong but I think there is a place to do things like that and I myself felt very upset and distressed seeing it and burst into tears and have felt sick all day because of it. I really just don't know what to say to her anymore. I don't want to tell her to move on because I know she can't and shouldn't have to but I think if she doesn't try to push this to one side she is gonna make things a lot worse. People are saying things too now... I really want to help her and be there for her but she's making it impossible. I wish I could make things easier for her but I can't I just don't know what I should do! I'm so sorry if this have offended anyone but I need some advice on this one! X

 

[leean10]

Hi, I didn't want to read and run.

I don't know how to put anything into words without offending anyone but maybe you could try and talk to your friend, maybe let her know that you are concerned about her etc and get her to talk about it rather than posting it all on FB.

It must have been upsetting to see something like that and I don't really think that FB is the place for it. I hope you manage to find a way to speak to your friend and help her as well through this difficult time.

Lee-Ann xx

 

[miss_soldier]

yeah i agree with what Lee-Ann said, are you able to go visit her and maybe have a chat with her and tell her your worries? Or i woulg suggest counselling but i have yet to try that so really should take my own advice but i find it rather scary. has she got a partner or do you know her family who could maybe help? xx

 

[SunnySue]

It's tough because I can't possably imagine what she must be going through, losing a child must be the most horrific experience. But it does sound to me that she needs help with getting through this. I would have a discreet word with het partner/family and find out if they think there is a problem. Suggest some counselling and maybe look into it yourself so that you can point her in the right direction (there must be somekind of charity or association that deals with the loss of children?). Good luck, I hope she is in a better place soon x

 

[H16]

I don't neccesarily agree with people plastering their whole lives over facebook (which is one of the reasons I am no longer on it) but it seems to me that she finds it a place that she can put her thoughts and feelings down to try and make sense of them BUT although it is her baby that she loved dearly etc I can only imagine that the photo of her deceased child probably distressed quite a number of people who saw it. I did post the occasional message about my lost baba since they passed but not to this extreme - I definitely agree that she should probably be speaking to a counsellor, it sounds as though she is really struggling and this is a bit of a cry for help x

 

[lisey]

This is a hard one, she is obviously distraught and this seems to be her outlet. I think she probably does need some help, a counsellor would prob be helpful for her. I would definitely speak to her and ask how shes doing etc. It must be very difficult to see the things she is putting on, esp the photo today-If you are finding these things hard to see then you can limit what you see on your news feed and she won't know you have done it xx

 

[netty]

Aw poor girl I think she does need to see a grief counsellor posting the pics however is up to her. Its all she has left of her lil bubba and I imagine its of some comfort to look at them and share them. I appreciate its a distressing thing to see and its not something I would personally share publicly but I do completely understand why she would feel the need to.

Hugs for you and her what a sad time I hope she picks up soon

 

[Beckyb1991]

Thanks girls , I spoke to her and just let her know I'm here for her. We had a long chat xxx

 

[bluegirl]

Firstly, well done on asking for help, you obviously care a lot about your friend and want to help her.

It seems to me that people who post everythign on Facebook don't get a chance to express themselves int he "real world" does he have a partner / parents / siblings that have been there for her during this time?

My advice is to go an meet with a member of her family / another friend and discuss helping her - she needs a way to let out her feelings in a productive way i.e. a grief councellor

I do hope she finds peace with what has happened and learns to manage the grief.

She'll never get over it, but she'll get used to it.

 

[bluegirl]

Apologies for the typo's - terrible spelling. Well done for speaking to her. she's lucky to have a friend like you x