My First Baby

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by PearlyO, Nov 23, 2016.

  1. PearlyO

    PearlyO New Member

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    Hello All,

    Im new here and thought i would share my story here to maybe help my sisters out there who have also experienced the same loss as me. I find reading stories is helping me understand and not feel so alone.

    I lost my baby yesterday. It happened so suddenly that it seems like a dream.

    On Monday morning i woke up feeling a little chilly, i was off from work so just made my husband some breakfast, sat with him and after he went, i jumped back into bed feeling a little cold. It was about 8:30am. The plan was to just lie down, relax for an hour or so. I began to feel very very cold and my body began to shiver. Thinking nothing of it, i tossed and turned trying to keep myself warm in the blankets but i was shaking and trembling. By this point i knew i had a very high fever coming as my head was getting heavy too. I somehow managed to get myself out of bed, wear a thick jumper and drag myself into the kitchen to get a paracetamol. My hands were trembling as i took the paracetamol with the water and i was feeling very dizzy. I couldnt stand and just quickly walked to the sofa and collapsed. I got up again, back into the bed and fell asleep.

    I woke up sweating, it was about 11am. I was still feeling very cold and started shaking again. I went to the bathroom and noticed there was some dark brownish mark and water on my underwear. It kind of shook me a little as i did not have any spotting at all during my pregnancy so this was very unexpected. I called the pregnancy helpine at the hospital and explained everything to them, the lady suggested i come in so they can do an ultrasound on me, though i was due for my first scan in 1 weeks time. I called my husband and he came home from work and took me to hospital. I was shivering and still had a high temperature... but i was also worried not knowing what to find out in this scan.

    They did my scan and everything appeared normal. The baby was 12 weeks & 2 day. Heartbeat was perfect, all limbs were there, head, body, movement. They measured it and said the baby was in a good position. They scanned around for a bit and said nothing else appeared to be of concern and sent me home. We were relieved and i was feeling a bit better. My fever was still there but not as high as before.

    We went to bed around 11:30pm that night. My body was very hot, even my husband was concerned as he said this isnt a normal temperature. I just ignored it thinking it was due to the fever i had and fell asleep. Around 12:30am i woke up with cramp pains. I was tired, had a headache, feeling cold so i was just assuming it was the mild cramping you get occasionaly during early pregnancy. The cramps came every 10 minutes and i just kept tossing and turning. This carried on for about 40mins. Then they became very sharp and i actually began making loud noises in pain. They were now occuring every 3 minutes and i knew i had to get help. I called the hospital and actually started screaming in pain over the phone to the lady as i spoke to her. She told me to come in immediately. My husband got up quickly and got me out of bed. As soon as i got up, i could feel myself leaking and blood started trickling down my legs. I ran to the toilet and started bleeding all over the floor, toilet etc. I sat there for a minute feeling ok but the pain came back and i could feel myself passing more blood. Then something heavy. I looked down and could see something falling out, i quickly put my hand in and my little baby slipped into my hand. I couldnt believe what i was holding.

    I started screaming and my husband came running in. The bleeding continued as i sat there holding my baby. My husband comforted me and helped me get up and shower. He called the hospital again and told them what had happened. They wanted me to come in asap to check up on me.

    I continued to bleed in the shower... but the worst was the extremely sharp pains which kept coming afterwards every few minutes. It was unbearable and so severe. I couldnt get changed or move or anything. I sat back on the toilet as my husband dried my hair and tried to dress me.

    I was lying in the back seat in pain as my husband quickly drove to the hospital. We arrived there around 3:45am. The Dr put me on a drip & took my bloods. The cramp pains kept coming every 2-3 minutes, so bad i thought i was in labour. I bled through my heavy pad and my clothing. The nurses changed me and the Dr cleaned out my cervix and gave me a strong a painkiller.

    It all seemed so surreal until i was sent for a scan, to see if there was any tissue remaining inside me. I tried to avoid looking at the screen, but my eye wandered up and my heart sank seeing nothing on that screen but random wavy lines. The staff were very helpful and supportive and sent me off with antibiotics, painkillers and maternity pads. We got home at 11am.

    This is how quickly it all happened. The Drs and nurses couldnt give me an answer why this happened as my scan the day before showed everything to be perfectly good.

    I kept myself together for the rest of the day as my mother & sisters came to visit and they were all of course very upset. After they left in the evening, i just brokedown. My husband has been very strong but it breaks my heart everytime i see him. He was so happy, he loved my stomach knowing his baby was in there and was looking forward to fatherhood.

    I woke up early this morning just crying. I've had a good cry and have accepted this harsh reality. I am hopeful and will try again to conceive in a few months time... but what will forever remain a heartache for me is my first baby will never be a baby i wouldve got to have as a child and raise. My first baby is not with me... but somewhere in heaven. Hopefully waiting for me so i could mother him someday.
     
  2. Onedaysoon25

    Onedaysoon25 Well-Known Member

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    I am so so sorry about your loss and what an awful experience this must have been for you. My thoughts are with you at this very sad time. Xx
     
  3. elsa16

    elsa16 Well-Known Member

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    You are very brave for writing this. I'm so so sorry for what you've been through xxxx
     
  4. Belle30

    Belle30 Active Member

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    So sorry for your lost Pearly, hope you feel a bit better and you get your rainbow baby soon. I suffer I miscarriage last year too, and it's really painful. But Everything gets better xxx
     
  5. Elspeth

    Elspeth Well-Known Member

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    This is so heartbreaking to read pearlyo.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Be kind to yourself, cry, feel angry, talk and cry more. You need time and space to grieve.

    I had a similar experience a week before my 12 week scan last year.
    Although it doesn't sound as traumatic as what you've been through. The suddenness of it all....I can remember feeling numb and the whole thing felt surreal.

    When you feel ready I wish you all the luck in the world on your ttc journey.

    Xxx
     
  6. ams25

    ams25 Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry Pearlyo ♡ your experience sounds so traumatic, im so sorry you went through that. You're so brave to share your story and I hope it gives you some comfort. I had a similar experience with my miscarriage in April although I was earlier on than you at 8 weeks, I passed the sac in the shower and just stood there holding it in disbelief at what I was seeing, i had flashbacks to that moment for a while so don't be afraid to talk to someone and let it all out. Sending you lots of love, have a few snuggly days with your husband indoors and let him look after you. Lots of love xxx
     
  7. PearlyO

    PearlyO New Member

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    Thank you all for your kind & warm words. It really means a lot.

    I am feeling fine and comforting myself knowing i experienced the first 3 month of pregnancy. I'm hopefull i will get to experience a full pregnancy and motherhood too :)
     
  8. PeanutButter

    PeanutButter Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for you loss. Take care of yourself.
    Sending hugs to you sweetie. xx
     
  9. laurat

    laurat Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for your loss! ❤️
     
  10. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for your loss xx
     
  11. bellecat

    bellecat Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs xxx
     
    #11 bellecat, Nov 27, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2016

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