TeeUK
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I have written a detailed account of what happened in case someone wanted to know my experience with medical management. However everyone is different and my experience does not mean it will be same for someone else.
Went into hospital at 11am on Thursday 26th, waited about half hour for a room. The room was comfortable with it's own shower and toilet, it was nice to have privacy. Once I was settled nurse came in and explained that she would insert a pessary then hopefully after an hour I would start to dilate. If I didn't then they would insert one every 3 hrs until I did. she inserted one at 12:45pm
It wasn't long before the pain started. My body started to go into shock and started shaking and shivering uncontrollably and started to have panic attack, the nurse didn't realise this and thought infection was causing it as my temperature shot up. A doctor was called and asked straight away if I suffered panic attacks, I nodded and she put me straight on gas and air. Took me a while to get my body to breath in the gas but once I did it calmed me right down and I was pretty much away with the fairies...must admit I really enjoyed the gas and air, probably a bit too much. Later I would find out that I said some really daft things and despite the awful circumstances my mother and boyfriend could not help but laugh at me....
At 3pm I felt a really sharp pain and a pop...it was my waters goings. Nurse took me to toilet to check and confirmed it was my waters that had broke. I went back to bed and contraction were every few minutes, they did hurt but the gas and air took edge off and it was bearable. At 16:35pm I felt I needed loo...as I sat on toilet I got urge to push...I reached under to wipe myself and felt baby, but he was still attached to placenta...I pulled emergency cord....baby was born at 16:40pm.
When the nurses came in they confirmed it was baby..I wanted to see but one of them distracted me and it wasn't until I got back into bed they told me they had already taken him...all I had to do now was deliver the placenta.
I had a wonderful nurse, her name was Jo...apt I think as I called baby Joseph. I asked her what the sex was, she hadn't noticed at the time but went out to look for me. Then came back and told me it was a boy. She told me how big he was and did little hand and foot prints on a card for us. She said he looked perfectly formed however as he died two weeks ago his little face wasn't looking good and advised me not to look as she did not want me to have a bad memory of him....but left the choice up to me. After talking to boyfriend we decided not to look as I suffer depression and would dwell on it too much...I did later go on to feel guilty about not saying goodbye properly but I think I made the sensible choice.
We were given the option of burial or cremation, we chose cremation as I could not handle being attached to a grave as I know I would have become obsessive in visiting it all the time and it would not have done me good.
We chose to have an autopsy on him to see what if anything went wrong.They said it would take about 6-8 weeks then he would be released for cremation. As he was so tiny it was doubtful that there would be ashes. It would have been comforting to have them but having his prints was a great comfort also. Jo went out of her way to do them for me as normally they would not be able to get prints of such a small baby especially as he had died two weeks ago. I am so grateful to her for that.
The doctor also said that since this is my third loss I would have tests done in 3 months once my hormones had settled. I really hope they find what went wrong as I do not think I could go through this again.
After all that had been discussed the doctor asked if I was contracting yet to get the placenta out...I hadn't, he said he would give me another hour then insert another pessary to help it along. An hour passed and nurse put in another pessary...an hour later I was having pains but nothing was happening. Doctor decided he would have to intervene and use force. He told me to get on gas and air...didn't have to ask twice!
Oh my goodness...up to his wrists...both! Need I say more, it was very painful and I thought I would rip in two! seemed to go on forever but I think he realised that I couldn't take any more. He decided to use forceps...failed...so the only option left was surgery. I had dreaded this happening and was terrified.
Of course they scare you to death with all that can go wrong..then the anaesthetist came in and asked a load of questions and decided that as I was overweight, had asthma etc it would be safer to do a spinal block....of course he then went on to tell me all the things that could go wrong with that too...soon as he left I was back on gas and air just to calm myself down!
I was told it wouldn't be long before I would be taken down however...two emergency c-sections came in and it was 3am before they finally came to get me. On the way down I was thinking about spinal block and how it might take longer to recover and I would have to have a catheter put in and be paralysed for up to 24hrs...I made up my mind I didn't want it...I had puppies to get home to.
When I got to prep I told them I wanted general. Anaesthetist came to see me and said she wouldn't normally give people the option to change their mind so close to surgery but since I had already been through alot she decided to allow it. She was concerned about my asthma but thought I would be ok.
I was wheeled into operating room and moved to another bed. I lay there while they arranged stuff...must admit I was terrified and thought...am I going to die. They couldn't use the tube that was already in my wrist so decided to put one in other hand...she found it difficult to get a vain and it bloody killed...in the end she decided to inject anaesthetic into my hand as she had to go deep into my wrist. She then put an oxygen mask on my face... now I am claustrophobic so this to me was a nightmare...it took every ounce of strength I had not to rip it away. I really did feel like I was suffocating...bloody horrible. Once my lungs were full of oxygen she said ok you will be falling asleep now...within seconds I was out.
I woke up and I couldn't breath...a few people were round me fussing holding a mask to my face but I just couldn't get breathing and was in a panic...I was suffering a massive asthma attack, probably the most scariest thing I have had happen. It took about 30mins for them to regulate my breathing. And then I was wheeled back to my room and left to sleep. Nurses were in and out doing blood pressure and temperature so I didn't get much sleep.
At around 9am a nurse came in to take blood she said I lost quite a bit of blood and they had to check my count to see if I needed a transfusion...thankfully I didn't and was told to take iron tablets for a while.
Although I was let home on 27th I have been very weak and in a lot of pain so not been able to do much. Most of the pain is from the general. Really sore throat, neck, shoulder, back ache. Hurts to breathe, cough, eat, swallow...feel like I been in a car crash. Not had many cramps though and bleeding is really light.
Feeling a little better today. I am not quite sure I have come to terms with it all yet as I keep thinking I'm still pregnant, especially if I have a little wind in tummy for a moment I think it's baby moving then I remember....it is a horrible feeling.
It will take time to grieve I know...in time I know it will get better. You have all been very kind and supportive and I want to thank each and everyone of you. For those of you who still have their babies with them I wish you all the best for the months to come and hope all goes well. For those like me who have lost their angels...we will never forget, never stop loving... but I hope one day you all get to hold a precious bundle...never give up your dream xxx
Just a little foot note: After being away for 24hrs I came home and my little rosie (runt of litter) was failing. I have not had time to grieve just yet as I have been so busy trying to save her, I don't think I can handle another loss. She is very weak and tiny and not latching on properly. I keep her down my top to keep her warm....it is comforting to feel a little movement next to my tummy as she twitches and kicks while asleep. I pray she pulls through x
Rosie with her big brother Luigi
Went into hospital at 11am on Thursday 26th, waited about half hour for a room. The room was comfortable with it's own shower and toilet, it was nice to have privacy. Once I was settled nurse came in and explained that she would insert a pessary then hopefully after an hour I would start to dilate. If I didn't then they would insert one every 3 hrs until I did. she inserted one at 12:45pm
It wasn't long before the pain started. My body started to go into shock and started shaking and shivering uncontrollably and started to have panic attack, the nurse didn't realise this and thought infection was causing it as my temperature shot up. A doctor was called and asked straight away if I suffered panic attacks, I nodded and she put me straight on gas and air. Took me a while to get my body to breath in the gas but once I did it calmed me right down and I was pretty much away with the fairies...must admit I really enjoyed the gas and air, probably a bit too much. Later I would find out that I said some really daft things and despite the awful circumstances my mother and boyfriend could not help but laugh at me....
At 3pm I felt a really sharp pain and a pop...it was my waters goings. Nurse took me to toilet to check and confirmed it was my waters that had broke. I went back to bed and contraction were every few minutes, they did hurt but the gas and air took edge off and it was bearable. At 16:35pm I felt I needed loo...as I sat on toilet I got urge to push...I reached under to wipe myself and felt baby, but he was still attached to placenta...I pulled emergency cord....baby was born at 16:40pm.
When the nurses came in they confirmed it was baby..I wanted to see but one of them distracted me and it wasn't until I got back into bed they told me they had already taken him...all I had to do now was deliver the placenta.
I had a wonderful nurse, her name was Jo...apt I think as I called baby Joseph. I asked her what the sex was, she hadn't noticed at the time but went out to look for me. Then came back and told me it was a boy. She told me how big he was and did little hand and foot prints on a card for us. She said he looked perfectly formed however as he died two weeks ago his little face wasn't looking good and advised me not to look as she did not want me to have a bad memory of him....but left the choice up to me. After talking to boyfriend we decided not to look as I suffer depression and would dwell on it too much...I did later go on to feel guilty about not saying goodbye properly but I think I made the sensible choice.
We were given the option of burial or cremation, we chose cremation as I could not handle being attached to a grave as I know I would have become obsessive in visiting it all the time and it would not have done me good.
We chose to have an autopsy on him to see what if anything went wrong.They said it would take about 6-8 weeks then he would be released for cremation. As he was so tiny it was doubtful that there would be ashes. It would have been comforting to have them but having his prints was a great comfort also. Jo went out of her way to do them for me as normally they would not be able to get prints of such a small baby especially as he had died two weeks ago. I am so grateful to her for that.
The doctor also said that since this is my third loss I would have tests done in 3 months once my hormones had settled. I really hope they find what went wrong as I do not think I could go through this again.
After all that had been discussed the doctor asked if I was contracting yet to get the placenta out...I hadn't, he said he would give me another hour then insert another pessary to help it along. An hour passed and nurse put in another pessary...an hour later I was having pains but nothing was happening. Doctor decided he would have to intervene and use force. He told me to get on gas and air...didn't have to ask twice!
Oh my goodness...up to his wrists...both! Need I say more, it was very painful and I thought I would rip in two! seemed to go on forever but I think he realised that I couldn't take any more. He decided to use forceps...failed...so the only option left was surgery. I had dreaded this happening and was terrified.
Of course they scare you to death with all that can go wrong..then the anaesthetist came in and asked a load of questions and decided that as I was overweight, had asthma etc it would be safer to do a spinal block....of course he then went on to tell me all the things that could go wrong with that too...soon as he left I was back on gas and air just to calm myself down!
I was told it wouldn't be long before I would be taken down however...two emergency c-sections came in and it was 3am before they finally came to get me. On the way down I was thinking about spinal block and how it might take longer to recover and I would have to have a catheter put in and be paralysed for up to 24hrs...I made up my mind I didn't want it...I had puppies to get home to.
When I got to prep I told them I wanted general. Anaesthetist came to see me and said she wouldn't normally give people the option to change their mind so close to surgery but since I had already been through alot she decided to allow it. She was concerned about my asthma but thought I would be ok.
I was wheeled into operating room and moved to another bed. I lay there while they arranged stuff...must admit I was terrified and thought...am I going to die. They couldn't use the tube that was already in my wrist so decided to put one in other hand...she found it difficult to get a vain and it bloody killed...in the end she decided to inject anaesthetic into my hand as she had to go deep into my wrist. She then put an oxygen mask on my face... now I am claustrophobic so this to me was a nightmare...it took every ounce of strength I had not to rip it away. I really did feel like I was suffocating...bloody horrible. Once my lungs were full of oxygen she said ok you will be falling asleep now...within seconds I was out.
I woke up and I couldn't breath...a few people were round me fussing holding a mask to my face but I just couldn't get breathing and was in a panic...I was suffering a massive asthma attack, probably the most scariest thing I have had happen. It took about 30mins for them to regulate my breathing. And then I was wheeled back to my room and left to sleep. Nurses were in and out doing blood pressure and temperature so I didn't get much sleep.
At around 9am a nurse came in to take blood she said I lost quite a bit of blood and they had to check my count to see if I needed a transfusion...thankfully I didn't and was told to take iron tablets for a while.
Although I was let home on 27th I have been very weak and in a lot of pain so not been able to do much. Most of the pain is from the general. Really sore throat, neck, shoulder, back ache. Hurts to breathe, cough, eat, swallow...feel like I been in a car crash. Not had many cramps though and bleeding is really light.
Feeling a little better today. I am not quite sure I have come to terms with it all yet as I keep thinking I'm still pregnant, especially if I have a little wind in tummy for a moment I think it's baby moving then I remember....it is a horrible feeling.
It will take time to grieve I know...in time I know it will get better. You have all been very kind and supportive and I want to thank each and everyone of you. For those of you who still have their babies with them I wish you all the best for the months to come and hope all goes well. For those like me who have lost their angels...we will never forget, never stop loving... but I hope one day you all get to hold a precious bundle...never give up your dream xxx
Just a little foot note: After being away for 24hrs I came home and my little rosie (runt of litter) was failing. I have not had time to grieve just yet as I have been so busy trying to save her, I don't think I can handle another loss. She is very weak and tiny and not latching on properly. I keep her down my top to keep her warm....it is comforting to feel a little movement next to my tummy as she twitches and kicks while asleep. I pray she pulls through x
Rosie with her big brother Luigi
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so sorry you have been thru so much hun. Thats sweet they did his handprints for you they treat you better than I got treated, glad you got taken care of and i hope you can begin to move on sweety
I can't even begin to imagine 
my thoughts are with you xx
