My brother ... personal!!

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by Vickyxx, Feb 1, 2012.

  1. Vickyxx

    Vickyxx Well-Known Member

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    Hi Ladies

    Was unsure if to share this due to its personal nature but I could really do with people to talk to who would understand the situation and can relate to how I am feeling.

    I recenty found out that my brother and his girlfriend are having a baby and that she is 21 weeks gone already, they are having a girl and her due date is 4 days before my birthday, there is just one big problem ........ my brother only turns 18 next month!!!

    We have only just found out about it, he didnt tell my mum sooner as he was scared of her reaction. His girlfriend is also 18 years old and they have been together for about 4 years now.

    Turns out that she was on the pill but was given antibiotics for a kidney infection and her doctor didnt tell her the counter effects they would have on the pill.

    As you can imagine we are all quite shocked, my older sister is furious says its an embaressment to the family and they wont be able to cope, my mum is massively disappointed because of how young they are and thinks it potrays our family in a bad way.

    The only person that has actually excepted it all is me .. of all people!! Dont get me wrong I am really gutted but dont see the point in getting angry and shouting at them, instead I have offered them my support, with the promise from my brother that he will stay on at college and finish his accountancy course. I am really close to my brother, more so since my parents went through a really messy separation a couple of years ago.

    We dont know whos decision it was to wait so long to tell us, my mum thinks that it was his girlfriends as my brother is totally smitten with her, and that she was being sneaky by waiting till 21 weeks as she knows she cant be made to have an abortion that far along.

    To me none of that really matters as whats done is done and there is a baby coming and I want to be part of its life.

    But then theres the emotional aspect of it all ...... I was suppose to have a baby first, not my teenage brother, does that make me a selfish person, again all I can think about is how hard this is going to be on me!!!

    I am sorry to unload my family problems on you guys but I havent found the courage yet to tell my closest friends as I am worried what they will think!!!
     
  2. kirstymichelle

    kirstymichelle Well-Known Member

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    Awww well they seem strong 4 years is better than some people my age lol. Plus they are 18 . In past they would already be married with one on the way. Being a young parent has its positives and family really need to be super supportive when its a young couple involved. I'm glad he's super smitten:) It gives them a good staring point.

    If it was my little bro or sis i would be with them every step of the way and let them know i was always around!

    Its a shame they were too scared to come clean sooner though but oh well.....

    It will all be fine and it brings no shame! x x x
     
  3. Vickyxx

    Vickyxx Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Kirsty, I think its one of those situtations you never could imagine you would find yourself in, and I just dont know how to handle it the right way!!!
     
  4. blondy13

    blondy13 Well-Known Member

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    I think you are doing absolutely the right thing by supporting and standing by them. It's not like they were stupid and didn't use protection at all, they just got caught in a trap that happens a lot - and GP's don't help by not telling people about the risks of antibiotics and the pill!!
    Do you think your family will come round to it and be happy to welcome a new addition to the family?
    Also - hopefully your neice will have a cousin not too much younger to play with ;)
    xxxxx
     
  5. kirstymichelle

    kirstymichelle Well-Known Member

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    Just be there that is all you can do!

    If it was my family and my mum and dad were dissappointed i would just go against the grain . Someone has got to . Everyone deserves a chance x x x
     
  6. Princess81

    Princess81 Well-Known Member

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    :hug: I can see how it could be hard on you Hun. You are right to offer your support though as I'm sure your brother is feeling scared and isolated. It's not ideal timing probably but they've been together a while and will hopefully make good parents for their l/o. The rest of the family will come round eventually xx
     
  7. Vickyxx

    Vickyxx Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies xx

    My mum will come round she is a softy at heart and I think once the shock wears off she will help support them.

    My step - dad (his dad) isnt really on the scene anymore since he moved to Dorset with his girlfriend, not that he would be any use anyway .... another long story!!!

    My older sister is a real hot head and tends to lash out but I think even she couldnt turn her back on our brother ..... he is a lovable critter lol

    And my youger sister thinks they are a pair or idiots and has vowed never to have a boyfriend .... EVER lol
     
  8. Kay Kay

    Kay Kay Well-Known Member

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    I can understand how you feel, I would be shocked if I had a teenage sibling that had a baby coming. You have a great attitude about it and your support will mean so much to your bro and his GF. They will need a lot of help but it needn't be all bad. As you said your mum will come around, when the baby is here she will just love it. Wish it was you though hun, I really do xxx
     
  9. LouiseB

    LouiseB Well-Known Member

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    Wow, that's quite the emotional dilemma :shock:

    I think i'd have the same reaction as you - that there is no point in making a big deal about it because what is done is done.

    I think hiding it is just the typical fear response for young people.

    I don't buy it all being the gf's fault either that no one found out until she was 21 weeks ;) Your brother controls when his family finds out, no matter how smitten he is. I'd suspect her family know already, unless she's a really big girl. Hard to hide a bump that far gone :oooo:

    You sound like a close family so i'm sure you're right that once the shock factor fades, that everyone will get over it pretty quickly.

    As for him getting a baby before you, i can totally relate. My brother is 23 and i've told him under no circumstances is he allowed to get his long term girlfriend pregnant. I told her too! And they know i meant it :blush:

    I don't know if you are an aunty already, but when my nephew came i was overwhelmed by how much i loved him. Of course you'll feel sad that you can't take your niece home - but i think your involvement in her life (probably moreso due to your brothers age) will help to sooth your aching heart rather than make it feel worse because you love your brother too.

    Anyway, you'll be pregnant before it arrives away and then your baby will have a cousin too :)
     
  10. LD1978

    LD1978 Well-Known Member

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    Ahh I think it's lovely how supportive your being and good on you.

    And don't worry it's totally normal to feel like you should be first as I've has the same feeling about hubby's family who weren't trying etc so it's only human xx
     
  11. hayels

    hayels Well-Known Member

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    i think that its great that you are supporting. i know must be hard for you big hugs am sure the rest of your family will come round wants there over the shock xxxxxxxxxx
     
  12. mrspc

    mrspc Well-Known Member

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    You are having all the right feelings... It isn't fair nor is it ideal but it's happened and they need help and support and so does their baby. Everyone will come around and be excited by the time it arrives and you will have one of your own soon - lovely to have cousins close in age. Don't worry, there's lots of joy in this situation xxxx
     
  13. hayes

    hayes Well-Known Member

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    I think its perfectly normal to feel the way you do. My bro has a lovely little 16month old boy and they are tring for there second and i cant help but think every now and then please let it b nxt i dont know how many more pg in my family and friends i can take!!!

    But on the other side i love my nephew and cant wait to have another baby in the family.

    Michelle. x
     
  14. Gizzy Kelly

    Gizzy Kelly Well-Known Member

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    Morning hon I think it is fab you are supporting your brother he will always remember that whatever happens in life. What is done is done that is so true plus I believe your family will come around when the baby is born. You will be a great aunt. My younger brothers baby is due in march and whilst I struggled with it at first I am so excited! It will be your turn soon xxx love gizzy xxx
     
  15. jodie34

    jodie34 Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun its understandable how u feel , but being a supportive sister is the best thing you can do , all the emotions you are feelin are normal and it certainly doesn't mean your a selfish person , I think everyone who is ttc over a long period of time feels the same way , well I know I do as I'm the only one in my family who has problems ttc , my neice is 24 is expectin her 3rd all to diff dads as well as havin an abotion their is days I feel like shaking her when she moans about being pregnant I just have to keep the feelings to myself go home and have a good cry xxx
     
  16. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Vicky,

    I read this yesterday and honestly this could have been my family 4 years ago :shock:

    My sister, then aged 19, announced a few days after Christmas 2007 that she was pregnant. Mum was hysterical, my brother went mad (he is younger than me, but older than our sis), Dad just sat there like a lemon? The baby of the family [youngest bro, then 17] was the only one that was actually cool about it all LOL!

    I was not TTC at the time, but I am 8 years older than my sister so I did have a twinge of "it should be me first" as did my S-I-L (brothers OH - they had been together for 10 years by this point!)

    I discussed the possibility of termination with my sister but she wasn't interested. Her BF was standing by her.

    For weeks we were all at each other's throats - my angry brother wanted to go an beat up my sisters BF, My Mum wept for about a fortnight that her 'little girl was ruining her life', My Dad barely said a word, me and my S-I-L sat and bitched about how hard it was going to be for them whilst secretly both being a bit jealous.

    At 9 weeks my sister started bleeding, was bereft at the thought of losing her baby and that was when we all started to come round to the idea.

    My nephew will be 4 in Septmeber and I love him so much I could sob at the thought of him not being here. The whole family feel exactly that same - he was my parents first grandchild and our first nephew ...

    It's not been easy - my sister was a beauty therapist but her co. went bust just before she went on maternity leave so she had to fight to get her last months salary plus her maternity pay.

    Her and her BF lived with his Mum until my nephew was almost 1 as they were saving up for their own place....

    My sister went on to retrain as a chidminder and now has another little boy...

    On paper 2 kids by the age of 23 sounds awful but my sister is a natural. She is an inspiration actually!

    Sorry Vicky - this is a rather long winded way of saying that once you all get over the shock of this (and finding out at 21 weeks IS a shock) you will all love you little neice.

    It will take time BUT one day in the not to distant future this will all be forgotten

    xxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. charliebear

    charliebear Well-Known Member

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    I also think the way your feeling is perfectly normal. Its lovely that your there to support your brother, I'm sure the family will be too once they are over the shock. It can be quite a shock to everyone when the 'baby' of the family announce a pregnancy.
    He may be young but I'm sure he'll make a great Daddy.

    I was the same as you, I was the one that was going to have babies first. Turns out I wasnt, it was a complete shock to find out my 19 yr old sister was going to have a baby. I felt all sorts of emotions (all completely normal inc 'it should be me'), sadly she had a mmc. She then went on to have a little boy (my eldest nephew) and I found out I was expecting a couple of days before he was born. She's now had another little one too. I love my nephews and its fantastic being an aunty, them and my little man get me through the tough days :) x
     
  18. Nurse 26

    Nurse 26 Well-Known Member

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    I think you are being very strong and a great sister for supporting them, i hope i would be the same in your situation, after all these things happen, sounds like they were being very sensible and using protection, i bet your mum will come around too, it must be tough though hun, i hope you get your BFP soon then your babies could grow up together :hugs: xxx
     
  19. Vickyxx

    Vickyxx Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your kind messages, means a lot to me :flower:

    I have a relatively small family so a new addition is a good thing, even if the situation isnt ideal.
     
  20. Corrinne37

    Corrinne37 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear your family are having a rough time , but im sure it will work out ok in the end.
    Like the other s have said 18 isnt 15, and they have been togetehr for 4 yrs so must love each other.
    Really, really hope you get your BFP soon, but in the meantime as wont be too long to the little one is here, you can get some practise in. Im sure at 18 they will be so in need of whatever help and babysitting they can get.xxxx
     

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