My boss wants me to get my tubes tied

[Dentalmomma]

Hi ladies I am in need of advice. I work for a dentist in a very small office. My boss is very close friends with my OBGYN; they golf, go out for dinner, ect. My OBGYN delivered all 7 of my bosses children. I really really like this obgyn and he has delivered both of my sons and will be delivering my 3rd child. I got married later in life as my husband is 7 years younger than me. I am currently 36 years old, 8 weeks pregnant and my 2nd son is just now 12 months old. Now I must say that all throughout my last pregnancy I was bullied terribly at work by certain staff members and my boss. Me being pregnant was a major inconvenience to them and I was reminded of this everyday. They would always tell me that I should get my tubes tied. I worked overtime that whole pregnancy working harder than ever before to prove the point that I wasn't burden. My 2nd son was a repeat C-section and even though I was to have 8 weeks maternity leave, my boss harassed me to come back to the office just shy of 6 weeks. I told the office as soon as I had a positive test this time because we use nitrous in our office and if I breathe it can cause miscarriage. As soon as I told them the bullying started all over again: "Just great now we have to deal with this again, you need to get your tubes tied this time, you're to old". They have suggested the tube tying a lot in the past 3 weeks. When I went to my OB he told me I was getting too old and that I should think about getting my tubes tied. This came as a shock to me because during my last pregnancy he had the opposite kind of attitude. I had NO issues my last pregnancy. So I got to thinking... My boss probably talked to his buddy/ my OB and told him to tell me to tie my tubes. Sounds crazy I know, but most of the people I work with are shady like that and I've seen them do sneaky things to other, now former employees. I voiced my concern to the only girl in the office that I trust and who just happens to be 6 months pregnant. When she found out they were friends she freaked out. She agreed that she wouldn't put it past our boss to do that. She also told that during my last pregnancy, she overheard a lot of disturbing things. Like our office manager talked to a few of her "friends" nurses from OB and the hospital that I delivered in, to get information about my pregnancy and post-pregnacy condition. Disgusting and major HIPAA violations. I don't have proof of any of this, but certainly don't feel like I can trust any of these people. Don't want to work there anymore but I love and care so much for my patients but now am afraid to quit because I'm afraid that my OB will treat me bad or hold it against me or something. Don't want to change OB because of the great care I've had in the past. Turns my stomach being in such close quarters with people that have such terrible morals. I feel lost... Any thoughts??

 

[chattychar1990]

You need to find a new job ASAP and I also suggest you find a new OB. Your work colleagues are toxic and it sounds like your boss is turning your OB against you too.

 

[WinterWolf]

I read to the point “my work colleagues bully me” and it became pretty clear you need to get a new job. Should probably find a different doctor too if you think your boss and doc are talking about you. That’s illegal.

 

[Natalie8964]

Just echoing the above. I don't know how you would put up with that type of behaviour for so long. Get out of that job as soon as possible and find a new doctor!

 

[Dentalmomma]

Thank you ladies. I feel like the biggest, stupidest door mat ever. This office has been a toxic environment since I started. I have been afraid to try to leave because my office is specialty, so all other dental offices in the tri-state area refer to our office. My boss is friends with all of them. I've seen my boss, his wife, and the office manager ruin the careers of two other girls that tried to change jobs in the past 3 years. I'm still paying student loans for dental assisting and really wanted to stay in the field. But if other offices are anything like ours, I'd probably be better off working for a corporation such McDonald's or Walmart. I am going to look for both a new job and a new OB. And in the meantime I'll try to grow myself a backbone, as I always have a hard time speaking up for myself. Hopefully next time I won't let other people treat me so poorly. Just a sad situation.

 

[Natalie8964]

I really feel for you, my employer is spot on regarding pregnancy but I do work for a large public company. Like you say you might not get the job satisfaction but maybe moving to a less stressful job if you can afford it would be incredibly beneficial especially being pregnant. Sounds like you're in the US? I hate to sound like I'm making assumptions but I've heard terrible things about employers there and maternity entitlement. I feel incredibly lucky, I think I can take a full year maternity leave with full pay for 6 months. Stay strong!

 

[MammaOfMany]

I feel very bad for you and that you have had such a bad working environment. I was a dental assistant until I had my first child but worked through my entire pregnancy and they never said a single word of negativity. We were a slightly larger practice so they were easily able to put me at the front desk when they were worried about me.

I understand the interconnectedness between dentists and different practices but I do believe you should still be able to find dentists who aren't really affected by all their nonsense. I know a few dentists who are a lot more caring (not so much money hungry) and aren't so much "in the circle". I wish you the best and hope you can find a wonderful, supportive new workplace.

 

[MammaOfMany]

I also find it quite amazing that they have 7 children themselves but then think you need to stop at 3! It really shouldn't surprise me though.

 

[night owl]

You need to get all this written down, with dates, times, exactly what was said, whether their was any witnesses etc and sue the arse off them, what they are doing is bullying and harassment, can you get a free consultation with an employment lawyer?

 

[night owl]

Don’t enter into any more discussions with them about your pregnancy/maternity leave/family planning issues, the next time they bring anything up tell them you will only discuss those issues in a formal documented meeting with a witness present, if they get wind of you gathering evidence against them if they’ve got any sense they will just pack in it and start treating you fairly and respectfully