my b/f

my b/f since we have found out about the baby has been really distant and now although he seems to be coming to terms with the baby he is still not willing to sacrifice anything. i have not spent one penny on myself since i found out today but he has been buying bikes and CD players and loads of other stuff, does anyone have any ideas of how i can make my boyfriend see sence.

 

[Layla]

there is nothing you can do im afriad, my ex hubby was the same on our first child, but when she was born he couldnt get enough of her.

hang in there

xxx

 

[Nikki2003]

That's why you should be married before having kids together!

 

[*nat*16*]

but nikki sometime it doesn't always work out that way

 

That's why you should be married before having kids together!

Marriage proves nothing in my personal opinion. Me and my OH are very happy together and not married, and we are now expecting our first and actually very very happy.

I'm sorry Nikki but some of your views can be quite blunt. It can upset some people. I know your comment is your opinion and we are on a forum to express our opinions, but that wasn't helping with itfc_mad's situation.

itfc_mad, I know how much of a difficult time you are going though right now, it is so hard when a partner isn't supportive. My best friend (who was planning to be married and was with her partner 3 years before having children) found our they were expecting their first and all was well until 5 months into pregnancy. Then things changed, they had another child but unfortunately due to him, they broke up when the youngest was 8 weeks old.

So it was nothing to do with marriage or commitment, it proves nothing to anyone but yourselves. I think it is a lovely idea and I would get married one day, but I'm not going to do it just because I'm having a baby for goodness sake. Does a baby care if it's prents are married? Maybe in different cultures, or America for example, but not in England.

itfc_mad, hang in there hunnie - he will come round I'm sure. PM me if you need me.

 

[Nikki2003]

I wasn't saying you should get married for the kids sake....that's so wrong. People should get married because they love and really care about eachother, also when they feel it's the next step to take. Also people should try to be married before bringing kids into the world...you do want your kids to have good morals don't you? Well living together before marriage shows kids oh don't worry about morals.....what kind of lifestyles that? I know it happens sometimes but I'm just saying only because it's so much easier...and it's the more proper way to do it.....when I have my baby me and my husband are going to dedicate it, and bring it up in a Christian home with good morals, and teach it to respect theirselves. I wasn't putting anybody down I was just saying it's easier when you're married and raise a family instead of trying to raise a family without being married. People think marriage is just a piece of paper well let me tell you it's so much more then that, it's a promise two people (male and female) make to eachother in front of God......of loving eachother and being there for one another thru thick n thin, richer or poorer, sickness and health 'til death does them part.....it's a sacred thing and it's a huge wonderful thing, (IF AND WHEN YOU'RE READY)!

Good luck and take care with your pregnany.

 

I can see your Christian views are what you are enforcing here - which is NOT wrong, I don't doubt you're faith. But unfortuantely not everyone in England, or over the world, is Christian. Me for example - I am a Pagan (I believe mother Nature created the world and don't preach to one God). This is my own opinion. It has nothing to do with Morals. Married or not married, you can still bring a child up with morals. My OH was brought up in a married home as was I, with good morals that you think only married couples can excercise, but yet we are not married and having our own child.

I actually feel quite offended to think that you think I can't bring my child up with good morals just because I am not married. More upset than offended actually. I have had many doubts over being a good parent because of comments people like you have made about being not being married etc, and it's not fair.

Me and my OH are very stable and happy, have good morals and good way in thinking in life. Whether we get married or not does NOT effect the situation.

Even if I was not with my partner, I don't think it fair to say only married couples have good morals.

That's just what I think though and I'm sorry if this offends you that I and quite a few other ladies on here are not married or doing it 'the proper way'.

 

[Nikki2003]

I don't care...marriage isn't the issue here it's about getting and giving advice on babies, and stuff.

 

[-Cat-]

Ah Nikki, your last post explains your views. I personally have been married before and dont intend to marry my OH, because we are not Christian, I thing if you are religious marrage is fine and makes sense, if on the other hand you are not, I see there is little point, as it is just a legal piece of paper. Marrage is more of a tradition these days and a ceremony like many other religious ceremonies. If you have a civil ceremony its just more for fun and to show the world your commitment to each other, but really there is little point. I understand you are american and in the States Religion is more important in peoles lives, but here in the UK a tiny percentage of the population is church going, hence people not viewing marragein the same way. Its not a case of morals, its just a case of if you know you and your partner love each other and are committed to each other, why bother having an expensive, frivolous do to show everyone else!

 

I know, so opinions laid to rest hopefully.........

Back to the thread!!

 

Ah Nikki, your last post explains your views. I personally have been married before and dont intend to marry my OH, because we are not Christian, I thing if you are religious marrage is fine and makes sense, if on the other hand you are not, I see there is little point, as it is just a legal piece of paper. Marrage is more of a tradition these days and a ceremony like many other religious ceremonies. If you have a civil ceremony its just more for fun and to show the world your commitment to each other, but really there is little point. I understand you are american and in the States Religion is more important in peoles lives, but here in the UK a tiny percentage of the population is church going, hence people not viewing marragein the same way. Its not a case of morals, its just a case of if you know you and your partner love each other and are committed to each other, why bother having an expensive, frivolous do to show everyone else!

You said what I needed to say - I went off on a tangent - Thanks Cat

 

[Nikki2003]

JUST DROP IT. IS IT THAT HARD? OF COURSE YOU GIRLS THINK IT'S NO BIG DEAL, YOU AREN'T RELIGIOUS-THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.

 

[-Cat-]

Back to your question itfc, I understand where your coming from, although my partner and I are thrilled and everything was planned I have noticed that I am the only one spending money buying baby things at the mo while hes just spent £400 on a sunroof for his camper van (not that Imgoing to be able to go camping this year!!)
I think for me its harder to really think about the baby in advance as they arnt the ones carrying it around for 9 months. Try having a little chat with him, and suggest setting up a baby fund, where you each put a certain amount of money in each month to save for buying baby things!

 

[scared 19]

JUST DROP IT. IS IT THAT HARD? OF COURSE YOU GIRLS THINK IT'S NO BIG DEAL, YOU AREN'T RELIGIOUS-THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.

I think the fact that you made an off the cuff comment has taken the shine off itfe_mads question but unfortanatly for you when comments are made that are close to peoples hearts it isnt that easy to "drop it" as you put it,

People can have the same if not better morals than other people married or not! i feel that this is on the same lines as the colour of our skin! it really isnt that different to me look at it this way you worship one god are the hindu's wrong cuz they worship several!

I think that you can see everyones point of view from the fact that you have tried to change the subject, but i am guessing that you think i have bad morals too for only being 19! there fore i found it nessercary to voice my opion as you did earlier!

You have to understand that things aint always black and white and i am glad that you are in a happy marriage, but can i ask you was you happy before you got married or was it just ok? then wen you got married it became this wonderful thing?? i dont think so, you cud of carried on with out getting married and all wud of been fine!

Plus your other comment hit the nail on the head, we aint here to talk about anything other then babies and to offer advice, so less of the judging ok.

And as i have near enough only just cum out of school i can reasure you that kids dont get picked on because there parents aint hitched!

itfc_mad babe i can totally understand were you are cuming from my other half is exactly the same we will just have to work on the keep your head up sweetie and just remeber when he see's that little baby (yours and his little baby) his heart will melt and he will be desperate to spoil it!! so sweetie and if you need to talk i'm here!!

Liann and Sweetpea

 

[Nikki2003]

scared 19

You are kidding, right? There is only one GOD and that is Jesus Christ, no one should worship anyone except for him.

 

[scared 19]

so i see the comment about stop judging worked then!!! everyone is entiled to be themselves it wud be boring if well all felt the same shall we all dress the same too?? i am not kidding i feel it is good that everyone has there own opions but wen you are trying to force feed it to other people it is unexeptable!

I think that you need to address the way to try and speak to people, i doesnt o you any favours wen you talk to us like we are 5 you can not influence peoples decisions, fine if that is the way that you feel enjoy it but dont try and force it on other peoplethey wont thank you for it!

i dont no what i belive in and i aint even going to get into it as my opion wud be different to other people and that is not what we are here to talk about! how old are you if you dont mind me asking??

 

scared 19

You are kidding, right? There is only one GOD and that is Jesus Christ, no one should worship anyone except for him.

Oh for fu*ks sake!!!!!! this is so unfortuante you think this way. I'm sorry this is the only religion you will accept as being right. i don't know what else to say.

 

[Layla]

i think if we all get in to this it will become messy, so i am just going to say this, then leave it............
there are many diffrent religions, some people dont belive in any at all.
its all about free will, there is no right or wrong when it comes to what you belive in, they are all specail and none of them, no matter what you belive, should be mocked.

 

[scared 19]

Well said layla!!

 

Ditto - stepping back now..........I don't like argueing