mum upset me again!!!

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by Positive37, Jun 8, 2013.

  1. Positive37

    Positive37 Well-Known Member

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    I think i posted a thread recently about how difficult i am finding my relationship with my mum
    So today I invited her and my MIL over to say thank u for the £2,000!! they have given us, we have been very lucky and we are both very very grateful.
    I put on a lovely spread, i always go out of my way its just how I am. I got pink champagne and brought them both a lovely unusual bouquet of flowers.
    thing is when i was buying them i knew my mum would moan about having to carry them home on train, i even wound myself up about it. but thought maybe just once she would keep quiet,.
    ha no....................... dropped her off at station and twice she said " do u wanna just take these home "
    I told her No and that i was really offended. She had NOTH(ING else to carry but a small thin display of flowers. She does it everytime and i wander why i do the nice things i do.everythign is an issue with her and it drives me MAD!
    she didnt touch my bump - and every time we showed her the 4D picture she kept saying ' oh good so she doesnt have a cleft lip" no mum she doesnt shes perfect!
    i feel so upset tonight - its so tough with her but i love her but we just dont click at min
    my dad would have been 71 on Monday I Miss him SOOOOOOOOOO much, since his been gone our relationship has suffered. Dad did so much for my mum and she expects it from all of us, when sometimes all i want is for her to be a mum and put herself out not me

    so sorry if this offends anyone, i know some ladies have lost there mums and i do love my mum but its a struggle right now

    sorry for useless rant
     
  2. Mrs CW

    Mrs CW Well-Known Member

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    Sorry she upset you after all the effort you went to x
     
  3. umbongo

    umbongo Well-Known Member

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    Don't apologise. Families are all different. My mum and I have an ok relationship but she says mean things at times, especially about weight etc that upset me. I don't think she even means to but we're not as close as I'd like. Not as bad as you but just to say I know how frustrating ir can be!! Just continue to make the effort and be the lovely person you are. Maybe one day she'll appreciate it more. Im sure she doesn't intend to upset you, or wishes she hadn't but can't help herself.
    Families!!! My in-laws don't even ask after me when hubby calls them. Meh.
    Big hugs hun. Xxxx
     
  4. Clairexx

    Clairexx Well-Known Member

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    It's so difficult isn't it as we have such expectations of how our mums will act when we are preparing a grand child for them! I know I would be expecting my mum to be touching my tummy and be all excited too.. Unfortunately just like yours, it just isn't in her nature.
    When I was in tri 2 I posted about the fact my mum announced she was going away for a month.. It just happened to be 2 weeks before my due date, which would mean she would certainly miss baby being born unless before 38 weeks! And may not have seen him at all until he was a month old! I was soooo upset and she honestly had absolutely no idea. In the end I told my sister (who has a big mouth) who then told her I was upset, so she rang me and said she didn't want to upset me and wouldn't be going on holiday until after baby arrives now.. I felt awful.. She was nice about it, but the point still stands that it didnt occur to her before! My oh's mum was worried about booking to go to a concert too near my due date! I love her very much of course, we're just not that close. Main thing is we can learn from them and pick and choose the traits we then use with our own kids.
    Just try not to get upset as I'm sure she doesn't mean to upset you, we just need to realise we are all different people I guess. Xxx
     
    #4 Clairexx, Jun 8, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2013
  5. babyslog

    babyslog Well-Known Member

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    Awwwww hun :(

    Big hugs :hugs: xx
     
  6. LucyD

    LucyD Well-Known Member

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    I sympathise so much with you. She sounds very much like my mum. We have actually fallen out, about 18 months after my son was born. She just got worse with her comments & views it was unbearable at times. We actually fell out over something she did with my son that put him in danger and she refused to understand what was wrong with it, which made me believe she was uh unfit to have him on her own. But if we hadn't fallen out over that then things would have come to ahead I'm sure. Anyway I could go on but just to let you know I am here if you ever need a chat as not many people can understand, particularly if they get on well with their mums or as you said they don't have a mum anymore. Its very difficult situation to be in. I love my mum, but I don't like her a lot of the time & certainly don't understand her. She still comes to see my son & I keep things civil but its hard going
     
  7. Rachel80

    Rachel80 Well-Known Member

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    I know exactly how you feel, I've not actually fallen out with my mum although I've tried to tell her how I feel. I am now 24+5 & haven't spoken to her since I was 15+1...I have no idea why she's not interested or bothered. It upsets me but then I think why would I want more contact from her? It would just feel unnatural. If I told her again how I feel she'd make more of an effort for a few weeks & then it would go back to normal. My brother told her a few weeks ago that she's out of order barely speaking to me when I'm pregnant with her first grandchild but she just shrugged it off saying well time flies by. At least I have my dad, brother & ohs family. So you're not alone, not everyone has a good relationship with their mum :eek:( x
     
  8. Positive37

    Positive37 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks. Ladies..means so much to get so many replies.
    My mum cares about me a lot.too much id say.i get texts most days of I haven't text her which is over bearing at tjmes.
    My mum just doesn't think before she speaks. And doesnt realise. She's . upsetting me with her comments.
    I rang to see if she was home as despite her upsetting me I also wanted to ensure she got train ok
    He askes me if I was ok I said no.u upset me etc. She went on about not wanting to ruin flowers on train..anyway she said sorry and sounded upset because id had a.go at her..and then I feel guilty. Its a long standing thing tbh.
    She then sent text to say wot lovely day bbw was and once painters have been in she would like to come help with cleaning



    She means well yes.she loves me yes . she's kind yes. But we.are different people.and the older ive got the more distant we have got.
     

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