Mother related complaint

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by Tigger87, Jul 31, 2013.

  1. Tigger87

    Tigger87 Well-Known Member

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    As a bit of background to this, my mum has 2 dogs - a chocolate Labrador and a German Shepherd. Both lovely, but both totally untrained and boisterous (despite having attended obedience classes for the last 18 months!!). I also have a dog, a Labrador cross, who is a million times better behaved, despite being just as hyperactive when he's playing. On my way in today, the lab jumped at my back and very nearly pushed me down the stairs - but didn't get told off about it, mum just doesn't bother.

    Anyway, earlier today I was telling her about my colleagues c-section, and how her husband hadn't been allowed in because the girls mother had insisted SHE was going to be there, because it was her daughter and she wouldn't forgive herself if anything went wrong. My colleague is now spending the week at her mums, because her husband has to work this week and she wanted the support.

    Mum was horrified at how controlling this girls mother is being, and said at least with us she's only next door, so can pop in to help all the time. I agreed and said to be honest I probably wouldn't be down their house for a good few weeks, I'd have no need really. So she went on about how I'd need to get out of the house and it would be unhealthy not to - I agree, but why do I need to go to my parents? Anyway.

    She said I should give her a call before I do come down so she can clip Rosie (the lab) to her lead on the banister to stop her jumping at us. I said my dad and I had discussed this, and the dogs would be locked in the utility room when we do come down because I just can't risk it. She responded with "How is Rosie going to learn if we just keep her away?" so I told her this was my baby and I had to protect it, and I don't feel it should be around either dog until they were either better controlled or the baby was bigger. So she informed me that I should remember this is their house and not mine.

    I ended this, all very calmly, and I said that was fine and her decision, but it would also be my decision that the baby wouldn't come down to her house unless the dogs were away, and if that meant we just didn't come down, then I was ok with that. She got quite nasty then, and told me I was being just as controlling as my colleagues mother!!! And it was out of order!! I repeated that all I was doing was protecting my child, and she said "Isn't that what ***'s mother was doing? Protecting her by being with her?". Oh my god!!!! This is a BABY, not a 30 odd year old woman!!!

    She got all defensive then telling me that she would never endanger a child. I don't believe she would at all, but I don't think she see's the damage Rosie (and the GSD, to be honest) can do by being "playful". She jumps and lunges without seeing it as a problem - and it only takes once when I don't dodge her properly. Even when unclipped (mums intention is just for when we enter the house to have the dog controlled) the dogs going to go nuts and jump all over us on the sofa. Harvey, the GSD, isn't so boisterous in the same way, but he eats his own poo and wee's all over his legs - what do I do when he tries to give the baby a lick? Or even rubbing up against it?!

    I'm so mad because I feel I'm being "overruled" on something that she literally has no say in, is totally MY decision, and I also feel I have more than enough experience with those dogs to know how they're going to affect the well being of my child.

    Would anyone else risk it?
     
  2. Doodles

    Doodles Well-Known Member

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    I completley agree with you hun, Connor isn't allowed to my mothers for reasons including her dog is large, boistrous + would hurt him (unnintentially).

    We also have the same problem with our two. Akira (labrador x malamute) is the biggest issue as she's a big dog + gets very excitable. It also doesn't help that there was an incident a little while ago that very nearly led to Connor being hurt, the only reason he wasn't was because I was there to grab her. We've since found out the reason WHY she suddenly turned (only time she's ever reacted like that) but I'm still very uneasy with her around children to the point she's only allowed in with us when hubby's here or Doodles is in bed (I'm not happy about her still being here but it's that or she gets destroid as said to us by the rescues). Even Freya (Border Collie) who's a big softie can hurt when she jumps up, so I totaly understand where your coming from.
    Your mother will come around & if she doesn't then that's her own lookout, you are simply doing what you feel is best for your LO (+ I whole heartedly agree with you) x
     
  3. Haylian

    Haylian Well-Known Member

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    I totally agree with you, I won't be taking baby to my dads as he has 2 dogs and 1 of them just jumps up and doesn't listen and I hate it, my dads partner also smokes which I won't be putting my baby around either. The awful thing is if your mum didn't control the dog and God forbid something happened like she jumped on baby or something then your mum would never forgive herself! I've got a cat and I'm nervous enough about that xx
     
  4. Nat28

    Nat28 Well-Known Member

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    Understand where your coming from your mum should aswell, dogs need to no there at the bottom of the pecking order in any household, your mum should be trying to make steps to control the dogs or like you say putting them away when your there, i have 2 retreivers both fab dogs but can get excitable when people visit, one more than the other, i always put my 2 away behind a tall dog gate when people visit, if people are here for a lengthy time i wait until they have calmed down, i have been doing training with my 2, sounds silly i have a doll that looks just like a baby, and everyday i bring the doll down i play baby sounds and crying, i set boundaries with the dogs there not aloud on sofa when baby is with me, they have to sit and they can have a sniff when i say, ive had doll on the floor and try to make it clear they dont go near baby, next step is im gona bring moses basket down and some toys to let them no there not theres, also my oh is a sucker for coming in and speaking to the dogs first before me!!! Which he shouldnt do so ive been teaching him to ignore dogs completely until they have settled and calm, and i must say they calm down much quicker, the dogs now arnt botherd by the doll at first they wanted to sniff and that but now they just go lay down!x
     
  5. umbongo

    umbongo Well-Known Member

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    Stick to your guns hun. Your baby, your rules. I'm sure your instinct will be even stronger when baby is here. X
     
  6. BeeSmall

    BeeSmall Well-Known Member

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    I say stick to your guns too. Some people are so protective of their dogs, surely it wouldn't hurt to lock them away while the baby is so small? X
     
  7. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    Playing devils advocate just a little bit here - firstly I would like to say I totally understand wanting to protect your child etc.

    But I would also be concerned that locking the dogs away ALL the time might lead to a level of jealousy. My friend used to shut her little dog out the room when we visited, but I asked her to let him in - yes there was a risk, but unless your planning on always keeping them apart then the dog needs to learn how to behave around the little one.

    Sometimes incidents happen because a dog has come to view a child as a threat , and an innocent slip up (door not shut properly etc) means the dog gets the opportunity to deal with what they see as a threat.

    Just to point out, I'm not saying your wrong just something slight different to consider.

    Also despite dogs 'licking habits' it's my understand that a dogs mouth is actually cleaner than a persons.

    Xxx
     
  8. Tigger87

    Tigger87 Well-Known Member

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    See, I accept the point about them seeing baby as a threat. Our dog trainer has given us specific advice about making sure OUR dog accepts the baby and not making him fear the baby. I'm more than willing to take the risk there, because I have a certain level of control and trust over Zulu (I know it can never be 100%).

    My mums dogs however, she just doesn't follow through on the training. When I got pregnant, we were supposed to try then to get the dog tied up so she'd calm down on us coming in the house, it lasted maybe 2-3 weeks, and she just can't be arsed anymore. She can't be arsed with telling them off, it's like she just switches off when it gets too much.

    I should add too, that I don't think there's a risk of any aggression with her dogs. It's more that hey jump all over me (and 10x worse with hubby) when we come in the door due to excitement - it's how they greet every visitor. If they're held back, and we go sit down, they come bounding in at top speed and jump on your lap. There's a lock on the outside of the utility door to keep them in because the lab can open doors. How do I protect baby if its in its pram and the dog knocks the pram over? Or if I have baby on my lap and the dog does a 3m long jump from the doorway onto my lap?

    Genuinely any help or advice on how to deal with this without falling out with my mum would be great, I've just taken major offence to her telling me I'm being "controlling" (especially to the comparison to my friends extreme mother) by laying down this ultimatum, when I don't feel I am being - my baby, my rules!!!!
     
  9. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    No advice I'm afraid, but if its any consolation, my parents collie greats everyone like that too (he's a runt so doesn't really do knocking over as such). But he has never ever attempted anything with any of the grand kids. In fact he's a big softy with little ones, as soon as my Neice could hold one of his toys he used to gently tug the end just so she could feel it move! Anyone else he wants full on tug of war!!

    Maybe a full discussion of exactly how you want dogs handled with your mum is in order. Could you meet her in the
    Middle about them being restrained, but on the consideration, that any issues at all, or her not following through then its back to full scale locking up?!
     
  10. umbongo

    umbongo Well-Known Member

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    I agree with your worry because being inconsistent with animals, esp dogs is the worst thing.
    Hopefully your mum will calm down. Can you speak to your dad about it? X
     
  11. Tigger87

    Tigger87 Well-Known Member

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    He's in total agreement with me and is of the attitude we'll just do it between us - but when he's not there I have no support!

    If my mum wasn't so stubborn it wouldn't be an issue. But I KNOW she'll want things done her way, and she'll find some way to do it!!!
     
  12. umbongo

    umbongo Well-Known Member

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    Aww at least your dad is on side though.
    You may find it'll be different when baby is here, esp if you refuse to take baby round, she'll change her mind.
    Don't stress about it anyway, it'll be ok.
    Your mum sounds quite overbearing, bless her ;-) xx
     
  13. Vicm

    Vicm Well-Known Member

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    If the dogs jump up and she can't control it I would not risk it. She can start by teaching the dogs not to jump up and to sit and stay when she asks, then there will be no need for them to be locked or tied up.

    I have a 12month old choc lab, she will sit and stay when someone comes the door and she doesn't dare jump up. It's hard work and I've put a lot of effort into training her but its so worth it. Even with her trained I know I will still be really cautious.

    So yes I agree, I think she should put some work into getting their training upto scratch before she lets them run around while your baby is there x
     
  14. Jess.

    Jess. Well-Known Member

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    I agree with you. Doesn't matter how well trained a dog is it only takes one second for them to get jealous. I won't be leaving my baby unattended with OHs parents dog even though she's well behaved and doesn't jump up. X
     
  15. buggy1

    buggy1 Well-Known Member

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    I agree too, both my mum and OH's dad have boisterous dogs and I am not looking forward to dealing with the situation. I am sure they will be fairly careful but I doubt they will be as careful as I will be as a new first time mum/. I hope they understand my concerns but if they don't hard luck! My OH agrees with me and that is all that really matters.

    I imagine your mum will come round and see sense in the end, you shouldn't fall out if you aren't being rude to her, otherwise she is just being totally unfair. Perhaps your dad could help put your point across to her if he is more understanding?
     

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