more jokes

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Tara & Liam, Dec 6, 2005.

  1. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
    happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
    >>>--------------------------------
    He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
    >_______________________
    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

    A: A rumour
    ____________________

    A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
    The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
    ..whoosh ...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
    __________________________

    A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
    Love o forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray
    for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

    AMEN
    ________________________________

    Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practising to be men.
    __________________________________

    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy.
    ________________________________

    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
    and calling your name.
    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
    _________________________________

    Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

    A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
    ___________________________________

    Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

    A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    _____________________________________

    Q: What is the difference between men and women?

    A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one
    need.__________________________________

    : How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

    A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
     
  2. veryfluffybunny

    veryfluffybunny Well-Known Member

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    l like 'em Davina, get back at the men!! here's one:-

    how do you know that a woman has a good sense of humour?

    -she gets married.

    l got that out of a woman's joke book of men. lf you have any more jokes, then please let me know, especially the men ones! lol!!

    Fluffy. xx :lol:
     
  3. Jo

    Jo Well-Known Member

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    XMAS JOKES"It's Christmas" shouts Jon to the girls in the accounts departmant.
    " you all know what this means ....kisses under the mistletoe! who's first then?"
    But the poor bloke is met by looks of disgust
    " you might get more of a response Jon" says Sue, If you take the mistletoe out of youer belt!!"



    There are three reasons why a christmas cracker is better than a man.....
    1 A cracker is always good for a bang.

    2 There is little or no effort in pulling a cracker.

    3 you can throw a cracker away when you have finished with it
     
  4. pips

    pips Well-Known Member

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    What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?


    .....................snowballs!!! :D
     

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