Money :(

[EssJayPea]

*posted in pregnancy chat before I remembered there was a money section*

Just been looking up what we'd be entitled to once I go back to work after maternity leave. Nada.


OH just earns above the new threshold but by no means does he support me, I pay my own way.


So, if I went back part time, as I'd intended to, I'll literally be making enough to pay towards the mortgage/bills etc but have no money left for petrol for the car/anything extra. So looks like I'll need to go back full time and LO will need to be watched by the grandparents.


I know this isn't the worst situation to be in, but I didn't start a family with this intention. I want to see my baby grow up and not be working a job I hate for 40 hours a week to come home stressed and missing out on big parts of her growing up.


OH is no help. He is very much 'money dictates what choices we have...blah blah...'


I'd be better off financially as a single mother (love OH dearly so not an option).


Anywho, just wanted to know if anyone else is in the situation and, if so, how hard was it to go back to work full time after LO was born? xxx

 

[Little_angel]

Sounds like a hard choice to make, and the two of you may have differing views. Hope you find the right answer for you.

 

[littlemiss83]

I've been in this situation myself. And im kinda in the same one just now, I go back to work next month & I dont wana leave LO, I wana spend time with him ect but I knew before we ttc that it would be this way so im kinda prepared.

I had to go bk to work after my first, when she was 6 m/o its so difficult coz as you said you dont see them as much, but I kept trying to tell myself that'll be the situation when LO goes to school i know it seems like miles off right now but trust me....it'll fly in & when that time comes you'll be glad you have a job rather than being stuck at home bored.

 

[EssJayPea]

Thank you. Always helps to know you're not the only one in a situation. Sucks but have to get on with it! Xx

 

[flaxen]

I know exactly how you feel, I cant go back to work as child care costs more than what I was earning and there is no one else to look after baby.

My husband works nights so sleeps during the day, (he doesnt even get up in time to spend any time with our daughter before he goes to work ) and on his 1.5 days off a week he is out on the farm for 1 day and sleeps the other half day.

I now have no income at all so am having to take my car off the road as have no way of paying the insurance etc, my phone contract has been cancelled as cant pay it either and the worst bit is Im having to sell my home bred 2 yr old sport horse who I bred for me and its breaking my heart, husband says he cant pay my bills so I get left at home with his baby that he wanted ( I never wanted children as they would interfere with my horses ) who is a nightmare to look after and just screams in temper all day and every day. There fore having no car leaves me stuck on the farm 24/7 as its a good 2 miles to the nearest bus stop.

Its sh*t! The system doesnt help honest people.

 

[EssJayPea]

I know exactly how you feel, I cant go back to work as child care costs more than what I was earning and there is no one else to look after baby.

My husband works nights so sleeps during the day, (he doesnt even get up in time to spend any time with our daughter before he goes to work ) and on his 1.5 days off a week he is out on the farm for 1 day and sleeps the other half day.

I now have no income at all so am having to take my car off the road as have no way of paying the insurance etc, my phone contract has been cancelled as cant pay it either and the worst bit is Im having to sell my home bred 2 yr old sport horse who I bred for me and its breaking my heart, husband says he cant pay my bills so I get left at home with his baby that he wanted ( I never wanted children as they would interfere with my horses ) who is a nightmare to look after and just screams in temper all day and every day. There fore having no car leaves me stuck on the farm 24/7 as its a good 2 miles to the nearest bus stop.

Its sh*t! The system doesnt help honest people.

Aw sweetie. I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. Your oh doesn't sound like he's supporting you and you're making huge sacrifices while he's not making any. I really hope you find a way to keep your horse. Is there anything else you can sell first? xxx

 

[flaxen]

Thanks, I dont have anything other than my horse, I had to have his mum put to sleep last year because of being pregnant I wasnt allowed to ride her and she had degenerative bone diesase that was only treatable with drugs and work as well, she didnt respond to treatment as she wasnt moving around.

Hubby has a gas guzzling 4x4 that he says he hays to keep ( we get a lot of snow here ) but I cant even drive it because I physically cant reach the pedals, he still smokes and has been granted his gun licence and has bought some guns!

 

[Sassysugar]

Flaxen I just wanted to send you a hug Your husband doesn't sound very understanding hun. Ive been in a similar situation, my oh was the one who wanted children 1st, and it can be quite lonely while he is at work (I love my lo so much but he is very hands on when he's at home which I'm thankful for). Can you talk to your oh about helping you more when he is at home as its his child too? Also he would save so much money if he were to give up smoking. Can you look at all your outgoings and see if you can reduce some bills ie gas/electric etc. Do you prepare meals in advance? I started doing a meal planner and found I wasn't spending as much on my shopping, I also made larger portions so I could freeze some for a later date.

Where do you keep your horse, as he's young could you put him on grass livery to help with costs? Could he live out over winter (with rugs on)? I used to have a horse too and my outgoings for her were ridiculous and she wasn't well either, I had to make the horrible decision to pts in December, I was so devastated. I think it would be a shame to sell him as you've bred him yourself and will be lovely to break him in, plus it gives you some time to yourself. (I miss having a horse and hope to get another at some point)

 

[leesey]

*posted in pregnancy chat before I remembered there was a money section*

Just been looking up what we'd be entitled to once I go back to work after maternity leave. Nada.


OH just earns above the new threshold but by no means does he support me, I pay my own way.


So, if I went back part time, as I'd intended to, I'll literally be making enough to pay towards the mortgage/bills etc but have no money left for petrol for the car/anything extra. So looks like I'll need to go back full time and LO will need to be watched by the grandparents.


I know this isn't the worst situation to be in, but I didn't start a family with this intention. I want to see my baby grow up and not be working a job I hate for 40 hours a week to come home stressed and missing out on big parts of her growing up.


OH is no help. He is very much 'money dictates what choices we have...blah blah...'


I'd be better off financially as a single mother (love OH dearly so not an option).


Anywho, just wanted to know if anyone else is in the situation and, if so, how hard was it to go back to work full time after LO was born? xxx

EssJayPea, I'm having to go back full time within weeks of giving birth, MIL will be taking over the majority of childcare Unless we win the lottery before the baby's born, I'm just going to miss so much, which I'm devestated about, but otherwise we couldn't afford the mortgage or bills, and that's even after cutting down. So I have to do what's best for our family.
Don't beat yourself up hon, you certainly won't be the first or the last mum to have had to make this decision xx

 

[EssJayPea]

Thanks Leesey, you're right. We've got to do what we've got to do.

That totally sucks for you having to go back so soon. You're a good mummy already giving your time up so lo has the best start in life xxx