miscarriage confirmed today

[meb]

hi,
just got back from the hospital with the bad news. i had slight bleeding all weekend and yesterday afterenoon i was so wound up that other half took me to a & e. the doc referred me to gyny and the doc i saw was lovely very reassuring did an internal exam and took swabs but said she thought everything was ok and then booked me in today for an early scan. Today the doctor did an internal scan and told me that i had had a miscarriage and from the stage of developement it happened at about 6 weeks ( i am 10. 4 weeks).

So now i have to decide if i want to have a D/C or leave things to nature, i dont know anything about either procedure so any info would be aprreciated.

i was feeling guilty that i had caused the MC because we went skiing last week but i know its not my fault as baby stopped developing at 6 weeks.

also feeling guilty as am not giving other half any support as he was hugging me and its all about me i havent even asked if he is ok - will do that when he gets home.

also have to go out tonight its MIL birthday i will go and have asked OH to promise not to tell her, we havent told either set of grandparents to be that i was pregnent so as long as he doesnt tell them now i will b able to cope.

sorry post has turned into a long ramble but thanks for listening!

 

[fynemum]

Hello Meb,
I am so very sorry for your loss, It is such a hard thing to cope with, but you will
Don't worry too much about OH, just give him a cuddle and tell him when you remember, how much you appreciate his love and support, he will understand.

As for your options, everyone is different, but for me I chose the D&C, or E-VAC as some say, but unfortunately I miscarried on my own before my appointment. i found the experience traumatic, I was over 13 weeks ( i think a month more with the developement of my connell but never had it confirmed) I lost too much blood and ended up in hospital needing emergency treatment, got a D&C then to remove some retained tissue.....I think being in hoospital and having people around you who know what to expect and how to treat you is the best option.... I am lucky to be here today, but I do bleed easy and have a problem with stopping it.
I don't mean to scare you, just make you aware of what might happen. The hospital also take care of your baby and treat it with a respectful cremation/buriel.
As you can guess this is what I would suggest, but many people decide they what to stay at home and let nature take her course, I believe there is no medical advantage in either option, but it is the emotional decission that you have to make,
once again I am sorry for your loss, please come her and vent when ever you feel you need to, ladies here are very supportive,
look after you Doll, Lv Yvonne xx

 

[Happybunny]

Hi Meb,

I am so sorry for your loss, it is so sad. i hope you are ok...I know you will be feeling numb for a while. We have been through similar experiences and will support you all the way.
As fynnemum said, there is little medical advantage in either method. I m/c naturally (not by choice) and it was a traumatic experience...I got to see everything and it was long and drawn out. I think Jodielou had a very similar experience. I would definately opt for medical supervision if I could. It really is your choice, there is no right or wrong. If you go for natural method, it is like a very very heavy period, so you will need plenty of tlc...pills, pads (no tampons), warm baths and hot water bottles. Mine lasted about 10 days.
You can come and talk to us and we will support you which ever method you decide.
Good luck and again, I am very sorry for your sad loss.
Michelle
xxx

 

[sazzleevans]

Hi

I am so so sorry. I dont get very emotinal often but today has been one of those days and when i read your post i started to fill up. I really am very sorry!!!

Dont blame yourself and try not to worry too much about other people, I dont mean you OH. Just look after yourself and dont feel guilty about feeling sad!!

Sarah

 

[tracey 2]

hi hun so so sorry for your loss, there are no words or anything i can say to help you but we are all here whenever you want to talk.

With my 1st m/c i had a D&C not a pleasant experience for me personally its was more emotional than anything, i hope you chose the right thing for you, its a very personal desision.

If there is anything we can do, or you just want to chat, we are all here

 

[Snuggle]

So very sorry for your loss

 

[fothers]

It is a personal choice but I would chose a d\e first off if I ever ned to go through it again. I had medical management last time and it was not pleasant and not fully effective so I had to have a d\e 7w later anyway.

I was initially given the option to leave it but like you my baby died a while before it was detected and as it had been dead for a month with no sign of coming out I didn't like the thought of how much longer it would take.

sending you

 

[xSuzx]

I am so sorry for your lose.

I've been thinking about you since I replied to your post.

anytime you need to express your emotions your always welcome to do it here.

big hugs

xSuzx

 

[Tick-Tock]

So sorry to hear your news, my heart really goes out to you...

I had a blighted ovum detected at my 12 week scan (Thurs), I opted for medical management to take place on Sun (first tablet) and Tuesday (misopristol). I actually started to miscarry naturally on the evening after the scan but continued with the medical management anyway. I much preferred this option to D&C as I thought it was more natural. As fynemum said I also found it a lot easier, and less distressing to be in hospital.

I thought that my having managment rather than waiting to miscarry naturally it would be over sooner rather than later. However I am still bleeding 16 days after I started to miscarry, I have to go into hospital again tomorrow for another scan. I'm really hoping I don't have to have a D&C as I worry about damage being done to my insides (I'm a bit of a worrier...) Although I want to stop bleeding asap as i find it a constant reminder... which I find quite distressing.

I probably haven't helped with your decision, just confused you more...

As for going out for MIL birthday, I had a similar situation to you as I went out for OH's birthday a few days after it all happened. It was hard, but in someways it helped take my mind off things... I hope it was OK for you.

J
XX

 

[mum&2girls]

i feel for your loss hun im so sorry to hear it if you ever need to chat please feel free to pm me as ive been through it myself hun, not a nice thing to deal with hun but trust me it will get better as im now 28 weeks pg so dont give up hope hun

 

[neeko_1]

ah hun i'm so sorry for you lost and you don't ever need to say sorry, i son't really know what to say but sorry... hope you feel better soon

 

[chezzabell]

so sorry for ur loss hun xxxxx

 

[MummySian]

oh hunny am so sorry to hear your news, I miscarried naturally twice and it was a traumatic experience.
Regarding feeling guilty over lack of support for OH, you need to grieve hunny as well, don't feel guilty over support you are getting, i am so sorry once again xx

 

[meb]

I just want to thank you all for your kind words, it has really helped.

i now regret not telling anyone that i was pregnent because i had no one to turn to. i thgought it was best to keep quiet untill 12 weeks as then if anything went wrong i wouldnt need to explain what happened, but now i wish i had told freinds so that they were here to support me.

i have made my decision and go in for the DC tomorrow morning, it took me a long time to get round my head that the baby has gone and i am not having a termination. All last night and today i have been changing my mind but once i made the decison i felt much better.

Have spoken to OH and explained that i felt guilty for him and he told me not to be stupid and he knows that my emotions are going in a 100 different directions and he doesnt expect me to look after him, but will do what ever it takes for me to feel better, he has even promised to wear less lycra next time we are TTC (he is a cyclist and wears far too much lycra when out training!) so that he can produce stronger sperm (that brought a smile to my face)

As for MIL birrthday, OH pretended to have cold so we went to their house and got take away so i didnt have to go to the effort of doing my hair and getting dressed up, OH even persuaded me to treat myself to a prawn dish as i have been avoiding them for the duration.

Again thanks everyone, and i will be back in a day or 2

 

[Happybunny]

Hi honey,

Glad you didn't have to do anything too adventurous for MIL birthday! I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I really hope everything goes well and that you can put this sad event behind you. I think you are being amazingly strong.

I think you are right about telling friends...of course everyone has different feelings to this. I didn't tell my friends about my first pregnancy, so first mc was very lonely experience. This time round I told my friends and it made my MC a very different experience. Yes, I was still guted and needed a few weeks out...but I feel I have recovered quicker because of a very supportive network of friends (including people onthis forum!!!) and a lovely OH. I also read about some research which showed that women who shared their pregnancy news and mc with friends were less likely to suffer with depression in the months following a mc.

Please keep posting and talking on the forum, we will give you all the help and support you need.

Lots and lots of hugs for tomorrow sweetie!
Michelle
xxx

 

[Tick-Tock]

Glad to hear you managed to celebrate MILs birthday without too much stress.

We didn't tell anyone we were PG, except family, but some people know now.... I didn't worry about telling them afterwards as personally I think the main reason you don't tell people before the scan is so they don't get their hopes up. I think you should possible tell a few select people as I don't think I'd have manged without the few people that know (and everyone on this forum too). I also think you'll be surprised at the amount of people who say it happened to them too. I think M/C is covered up so much and people don't really say anything until it happens to someone else too.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.
J
XX

 

[xHeatherx]

Sorry about your news. ((((hugs))))

 

[meb]

went to hospital this morning for my 09.00 appointment, and waited over an hour, and then was told due to a previous emergency in the a&e that my procedure would have to be cancelled.
i could either wait around at the hospital for a possible 12.30 slot in the theate or wait until after 5pm, alternatively come back tomorrow. I found the waiting around in hospital really stressfull. Tthe doctor was so nice with a really calm soothing voice that it made me cry but the nurse was really offhand -as OH said she had a personality bypass she never once asked how i was or said anything comforting.

So i am going back in tomorrow at 07.30 for the first theatre slot and they have said that wont get cancelled, the receptionist on the ward was lovely too, after we had decided to go home she hurried up the doc with the paper work and was so thoughtful.

hope i have a different nurse tomorrow.

 

[tracey 2]

ah hun im sorry it didnt go well today, im glad there were some nice people there shame about the nurse you would have thought them off all people.

i just want to wish you good luck for tommorrow hope it goes as well as it possibly can and that you get a more understanding nurse.

We are all here for you hun

 

[Happybunny]

I hope tomorrow goes much smoother. Poor you, it is distressing enough without having to put up with an uncaring nurse.

Sending you hugs!
M
xx