MIL making a second nursery

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by NixiPixi, Aug 1, 2016.

  1. NixiPixi

    NixiPixi New Member

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    Just wanted to see what other people’s opinions are on this as I don’t really know how to feel about it! Pretty much as soon as my husband and I announced I was pregnant, my Mother in Law said she was going to turn her spare room in to a nursery for the baby. She has finished it already, complete with cot, moses basket, furniture, changer, etc everything a baby needs basically! Whereas in my house, we literally started decorating our nursery last weekend. She has even bought a car seat for her own car!
    She is really nice and I get on well with her but now I’m wondering what is she expecting when the baby arrives? Does she think we will be leaving her to sleep over often? I wasn’t really planning on anything like that until she is about 1 year old but I am a first time mum so maybe I am being over protective. I hope I don't sound ungrateful because I am happy she is so excited and it will be good having everything we need there when we visit but is it a bit over the top? What do you guys think and are your MILs doing anything like this?
     
  2. Flo1

    Flo1 Well-Known Member

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    Both my mother and MIL have a baby bed, high chair, changing table, bath, spare clothes and nappies. Also lots of toys of course. Our son goes to my mum's every Thursday when I'm at work so she really uses all these things often (just during the day but a bed is also useful for naps ;-)). When we visit my in-laws I'm always happy we don't need to take anything with us for him. It's not necessary but they liked buying all that stuff (most they got from relatives who didn't need it anymore) and it really is nice just getting into the car with your child and his teddy bear and not needing to pack everything. All of our parents (mil and FIL divorced) have their own carseat, which is useful too. When we have to work late, FIL gets our son from daycare and he doesn't need to know before to borrow our seat. I honestly have most problems with my FIL and his wife: they also buy a lot, but useless toys or 'nice things' (drinking bottle of Cars for example) which we don't want him to have. We are very careful with material spoiling of our child and all commercial items and they just have no respect for that and buy him the things we don't want, bring them to our house and leave them there. Hubby and I have had several arguments about that. I really prefer the other 2 who buy stuff for their own and he can use it when there. It doesn't mean you have to leave your baby there for the night, we didn't either before he was around 1 year old and even at 2,5 he mostly gets a babysitter at home when we go out. Maybe it's safe to be clear about that already. Give a few remarks like 'oh that will be handy when we come to visit you and he/she needs a nap!'
    I'm sure it'll be fine and anyway it is your baby. Even if she wants it to sleep over, you decide!
     
  3. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    My MIL has a boys and girls room - one room for the girls and Jackson when he goes to stay which is very very rare.

    I think as long as your vocal on your views of not letting baby out to stay too young etc then it should be fine. She is obviously excited but IMO I dont think Id go quite kitting out a room unless I knew for sure what my role would be if that makes sense?

    It is always good to have spares, but if baby would only be spending a night here/there rarely then she wouldnt really need a whole room set up as though baby will be there part of the day or whatever.

    Its a nice gesture, but if it were me Id have told her she was wasting her money and time as soon as the nursery construction went underway :lol:

    xxxx
     
  4. Rubyredslipper

    Rubyredslipper Well-Known Member

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    My MIL already has stuff at hers as my partners brother has a 2 year old. However, I am concerned about mattresses...I know the advice for Moses baskets is don't use second hand as it can be linked to cot death, does the same go for cots??
    I also don't want to use cot bumpers but think she will just say "oh don't listen to that rubbish!"
    Think I will have a fight on my hands!
    My mom is doing a basic nursery at hers (my SIL is due 3 months after me!) but I know she will listen to my dos and donts.
     
  5. russellmuscle

    russellmuscle Well-Known Member

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    I already warned my mum/MIL that if they went against my wishes with things like that they wouldnt be trusted with him :shock:

    I used to stay at MILS and seen her ignore my BILs wishes and just hated it. Esp when it risks safety with things like bumpers etc!

    xxxx
     
  6. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

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    Nixi - My daughter is now 5 and my ex mother in law was exactly the bloody same, and to hear it again reminds me of how pissed off I was. I was literally fighting to keep hold of my own baby when she was born, my ex MIL was crazy about her and just wanted her all the time, she even said she would have her one night a week so me and my ex could have some alone time, it was toooooo much!! I hated every minute of it.

    My mum was never ever like that and never would be. I still have trouble with the ex MIL 5 years down the line!!! She was so over the top.

    My baby is due this weekend, and my mum and my new MIL don't have a single thing in their houses for this baby, thank the lord. I am so grateful I don't have the over the top, controlling MIL I used to have.

    Just make it quite clear that the baby isn't going to be living there or anything! This sort of behaviour makes me anxious because I remember what it was like to have someone like this in our lives.

    Good luck, I hope she isn't thinking the baby will be sleeping over etc! x
     
  7. Lulie

    Lulie Well-Known Member

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    Honestly, I think this is so weird. My MIL hasn't bought anything thank god but she keeps making little comments about how she wants to be "the third person to hold him" after me and my husband, which tells me she wants an invite to the hospital, even though I've made it very clear that I'm not promising anyone a visit to the hospital. She also keeps saying she is going to take him for walks in his pram so I can "relax"! I suppose she means well but it's bloody annoying when they assume they can do what they want!
     
  8. Rubyredslipper

    Rubyredslipper Well-Known Member

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    Russellmuscle, I've seen MiL ignore SIL on that sides wishes too. I just know what I'm going to be faced with, and it's difficult with in laws!! My OH saw what I saw the once and cringed with me so I'm sure he'll back me up. I've already told my mom not to do a lot of stuff and she says what I say goes. X
     
  9. Summergurl

    Summergurl Well-Known Member

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    This makes me angry for you. I hate it when people don't respect others wishes and when people just assume that you are happy to let your new born baby sleep out the instant they are born.

    Thankfully I don't have parents or in laws like that and the only reason my mum has a few toys and the travel cot (which is ours that she borrowed) is because there are already 2 other grand children. I know I will have to be very strict with my mum and SIL when it comes to weaning as I've seen them go behind my brothers back with it which already makes me not trust them on that part but the rest they'll be fine with.

    I think you should just make it absolutely clear that under no circumstances will you be pressured into letting your baby stay out. I guess it's great if you are there for a few hours as you won't have to take much but just be firm. Don't worry about insulting people, they'll get over it!
     
  10. Kiagirl

    Kiagirl Well-Known Member

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    My mum has everything at hers and it was so handy. But my mil only has a few bits and has never had her overnight (she is 3 now). Lucie slept over at mums at 4 weeks, I wasn't planning it but OH had to go into hosp for an op and had to be there at 7am in the opposite direction to mums. It was heaven and I went to bed at 7pm lol. After that it became a weekly thing and it's been great. At first I just slept/bathed etc but now we have a date night and go to the cinema etc. Mum and Dad love it and spoil her rotten and she loves going. Having the stuff makes it so much easier as they can pick her up if my meeting is delayed and I don't have to worry about a change of clothes car seats etc. My mil will have her if we need her to ie I have an appointment and OH is at footy or something but I don't choose to send her unless I really need to lol. Just go with the flow until baby is here, you may not want to let them out of your sight or it may be your bit of relief X
     
  11. Flo1

    Flo1 Well-Known Member

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    Lullie: my FIL's first reaction to my first pregnancy was 'oh I can already imagine myself pushing a pram with my grandchild in it!' That's when I knew he would be the worst grandparent of them all. In my opinion, you can be happy to become grandparents, but there's something wrong if your happiness is all about yourself and the baby. As a grandparent you should be happy for your child. I mean, they had their children. My mom and MIL always ask how I'm feeling, how we're doing. FIL asks how 'the apple of his eye' is doing and if 'his granddaughter' is developing OK. He just came to babysit during our latest pregnancy check-up and afterwards couldn't stop telling me how excited he is with this 'first girl', cause he only has 2 sons and a grandson. Like she is his! I'm seriously thinking of ways to keep him out of my house the first weeks after birth! Problem is my husband doesn't want to say no to his father too much cause the poor soul had a depression 3 years ago. Well, my children are not anti-depressants.
    So, NixiPixi: you see getting a room ready for your baby doesn't necessarily mean your mil will be the problem. I really hope you only get nice grandparents who accept what you want.
     
  12. Lulie

    Lulie Well-Known Member

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    Flo your situation sounds a lot like mine! It's not easy is it..my MIL also has two much younger children, and she says that the eldest (who is 16) just "can't wait" to babysit whilst we go off to the cinema or out for a meal..no offence to the girl but I barely trust her to feed my cats whilst we're on holiday, I can't see myself looking leaving leaving my baby with her any time soon!

    It's very odd how people try and push their way in without being asked. I'm worried I won't get rid of my MIL when baby arrives..ugh!
     
  13. B81292

    B81292 Well-Known Member

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    I can really sympathise with you it's a horrible feeling. Sadly having a baby can bring out other people's worst sides and people can behave really badly without intending to. My SIL has stopped speaking to us as she is sulking because we basically haven't allowed her to join us in raising our daughter . FIL said the other day she was 'expecting' a big role in her life and to be around all the time and this is the feeling I got when I was pregnant (that she wanted to take her and do what she pleaded, like a third parent in a way) and sulked when we said no..
    I have things at my mums house as I visit her the most but no way would she make a second nursery. I know how you must feel . If you feel up to it maybe just Say in so many words that you'll be wanting family time to adjust to your new lives as parents and as a family and it will probably be a good few months before you can even think of letting the baby sleep out. Or maybe see if your OH would speak to her?
    They will calm down in time , I know it's just horrible to be on the receiving end of it and thinking everybody wants to grab at your baby that you're keeping safe. I didn't want mine to come out some days I used to say she was better off in me! xxxx
     
    #13 B81292, Aug 2, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2016
  14. MrsMcc

    MrsMcc Well-Known Member

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    Bit over the top. My mum made my old room into the girls room when they stay over but bought a pop up cot and toys. Things like that
     
  15. NixiPixi

    NixiPixi New Member

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    Thanks for the replies. I guess I will just see how it goes after baby is born. I don't intend on leaving her anywhere without me being there in the first year or so but I spose she can use the nursery when we visit. If MIL starts asking for her to stay over I will just tell her how it is! Pretty much all the stuff she has bought is 2nd hand anyway so she won't have wasted as much money as if it was all new.
     
  16. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

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    That's good that she's not wasted too much money then, some people eh! xx
     
  17. Glitter2707

    Glitter2707 Well-Known Member

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    It is handy if you don't have to lug everything with you if little one is staying elsewhere, even for a little while in the day. I think the MIL relationship is a tricky one! I have an 8 month old who has stayed with my mum several times, she's yet to stay with MIL though. My 2 yr old has only stayed over there once, many many times at my mums.
    I think it's lovely of your MIL to make an effort but don't feel pressurised into anything!
     
  18. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    You won't know how you feel til baby gets here, personally I think it's lovely she's taken such an interest my son had to go and stay with my mum at 4 weeks old, I was so exhausted and we were verging on a mental breakdown but we had to dismantle everything and move it from our house to my mums house, to be honest for me it was the best thing I left him a little earlier as I had to learn to trust other people with him and the nights rest was just what we needed
     
  19. T84

    T84 Well-Known Member

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    I also have a MIL like this and I have to keep reminding myself that whenever she does things like this it's only because she's excited and loves my children. I found the best strategy now is to lay down the law fast and stick to my guns.

    Saying something like 'that's lovely for when she's a bit older' could help. It's taken 2 and a half years but my MIL is finally coming round to the fact that they are my kids and my decision lol.


     
  20. T84

    T84 Well-Known Member

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    On a side note about the room tho, you will find it a blessing when baby is older and has a 'home from home' to go to, and a place that meets all their needs without you having to cart it all about x


     

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