Men! Really made me giggle!!

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by timsmom, Nov 20, 2007.

  1. timsmom

    timsmom Well-Known Member

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    Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.


    You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.


    The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £2000. Tux rental-£100.


    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.


    The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

    A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

    If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

    Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

    You only have to shave your face and neck.

    You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

    You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..

    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

    No wonder men are happier.

    Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.



    NICKNAMES

    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
    Laura, Kate and Sarah.

    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each
    other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

    EATING OUT

    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even
    though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and
    none will actually admit they want change back.

    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY

    A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on
    sale

    BATHROOMS

    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving
    cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
    man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS

    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    CATS

    Women love cats.
    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

    FUTURE

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


    DRESSING UP

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
    answer the phone, read a
    book, and get the post.

    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
    dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret
    fears and hopes and
    dreams.

    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

    Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
    people remembering the same thing.
     
  2. tattybear85

    tattybear85 Well-Known Member

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    so funny yet so true lol

    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
     
  3. MattM

    MattM Well-Known Member

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    I feel that I should put up a token resistance, but I can't think of anything to say as most of that is true.

    Oh. I don't know anything about tanks.
     
  4. emma28

    emma28 Well-Known Member

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    Ha that is perfect, so true :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
     
  5. DebbieM

    DebbieM Well-Known Member

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  6. bumpmakes3

    bumpmakes3 Well-Known Member

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    It's a shame they're all sooooooooooo true :) Ahhh boys - we love you really!
     
  7. littlepip

    littlepip Well-Known Member

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    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

    And they still seem to think they have a hard life!!
     
  8. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Its all true cept this one...

    CATS

    Women love cats.
    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

    In our family its the other way round :wink: I haven't convinced DH to let me drown them yet :roll:
     
  9. muppetmummy

    muppetmummy Well-Known Member

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  10. welshsarah4eva

    welshsarah4eva Well-Known Member

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    That really made me smile :D:D thanks for sharing :D:D
     
  11. Tegala-7thMarch08

    Tegala-7thMarch08 Well-Known Member

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    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
     

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