Mark doesn't want the baby :(

Wasn't sure where to put this post as I'm in first trimester and also know so many on the new mums board, so I pasted it into both. (Not sure where it really fitted on the new mum's board though so I put t here)

Mark has told me he doesn't want the baby. He wants Damien to have more time to himself and doesn't think he could have another baby now. I, on the other hand, think it would be great to have a baby close to Damien. Hard work yes, but worth it.

I just don't think I could have an abortion, I really couldn't do it. Emotionally it would ruin me. But I think if I don't I stand to lose Mark. I asked him if he would be upset if I couldn't do it, and he said he didn't know.

I haven't even been to the docs yet and had the pregnancy confirmed. I'm not sure if I want to book in with my midwife and then change my mind a week later.

I know you can't really help me, I just needed to tell someone and get it off my chest. My head and my heart are very torn right now and I'm not sure what will happen. I wish I'd never been put in this position again, not that I have anyone to blamed but myself.

 

[emilia]

Hi Sami...
A tough decission only you and Mark can make, but no matter what you decide, I'm sure you'll get all our support on this forum!
Take it easy - thinking of you!
Emilia xx

 

Cheers hun.

I've been up since I posted and I've been looking into abortion, and I know I couldn't do it. It looks like such an awful experience to go through - I think I would crack

 

why can't he be happy I feel so alone right now in a time I feel we should be excited - I feel almost angry towards him which isn't right

 

[emilia]

I appreciate how you feel. The thought of abortion does sound terrible, although, my friend had termination at this point and she said it was just a heavy period. Doesn't make it any easier, but if you are considering it, you need to act on it before it gets impossible. Speak to Mark and discuss the urgency of the decission you two face. What does he expect from you? I understand both your views... this will be hard for both of you.
Good luck Sami & Mark.
Hugs
Emilia xx

 

[Rosebay]

Is he worried about you and your health Sami? You had such a difficult time of it, maybe he doesn't want to risk having to watch you suffer again so soon? It's early days yet hun and he's probably a bit shocked still. Just keep talking to each other and being honest. For women it's such a physical, natural thing to want to keep a baby but for men it takes a little longer for it to sink in.

I couldn't have an abortion either, especially now. Perhaps if you explain to him what that would mean to you he might understand where you're coming from a bit better?

((((Sami))))
+++

 

[Urchin]

Awww Sami.

It sounds like you need to sit down and talk it through with Mark. If he is worried about your health he needs to consider what an abortion will be like for you.
At the end of the day it's the hand you have been dealt, and you both have to deal with it, even if it means having another baby close to Damien. It may not be the ideal situation but that doesn't mean you won't be able to cope with it, or even that it will be a bad experiance for you.
It might sound silly but if Damien had been one of twins you would have had and even tougher situation!

Men are funny things, especially first time dads, it's hard to understand what's going on it their heads most of the time! Sit him down and have a big chat with him.

 

I'd cope, I always do - I'd love another close to Damien!

The thing with abortion is I couldn't face it after losing 2 babies - I reacted very badly to losing them, and causing me to lose t6his baby delibrately by choice would probably make me resent Mark

We do need to talk alot about it - it's hard though.

I think he is worried about my health a bit, but he knows I can cope, he is more worried about Damien.

 

[BubbleOne]

Hi Honey.

Come round today aswell as Wed if you want. We could have a chat? xxx
Text me

 

I haven't got the car hunnie else I'd love to. It's in the garage being fixed. Bugger. Sorry hun. Still up for Weds though x

 

[BubbleOne]

Still on for Wed

 

yeah still on for Wednesday. x

 

[Layla]

wow sami, sorry to hear that.

hopefuly Mark will come round once hes had a chance to get used to it

xx

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

awwww hun i am sending u (((hugs)))

and i am sure it will wok out for the best in the end

 

Thanks hun

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

i reckon that mark is remembering in great detail all the problems you had in your last pregnancy. ( i can still remember it vividly as well) you had really hard time.

Looking after a small baby and having a problematic pregnancy is going to be a tough journey

he is probably just very overwhelmed by it all.

 

[*saulino*]

Hi Hun

Im so sorry you have to eveb consider such a thing like htis.
Do what you feel is right and do not do aything you feel you will regrewt later on cuz it will make you feel worse.
Before having Kiara i always said i would never ever have an abortion, and now that i have her and if i got preg again i would never do it.
Have you guys used any form of birth control cuz if not i would ask him why he wouldnt want you guys to if he even had this thought cross his mind.
I think Damien would love it to have a sibling and he wont get so jelous then if you had one later on, but all you can do is listen to our opinions its really about how you feel and no one here is gonna judge you for doing either one.
Good luck hun and take it easy.
Katrina

 

[Rosieroo]

I guess Mark is still settling into fatherhood and is worried that you might have another prem and Damien would then not get the attention he needs because both your time will be spent at first worrying about your new LO. Who knows, a mans mind is never the easiest to understand.

Don't be forced into this through fear of losing Mark. If he loves you and wants to be with you then he wont put you through doing this. I think he needs a few daus to come to terms with your news.

I'm sorry that this is blighting what should be a happy time and I hope you're ok.

{{{{hugs for Sami}}}}

 

Thanks for all your messages - I think he does need time to adjust. He knows how I feel (that I won't abort) and he'll have to deal with it anyway. i don't want to appear selfish and inconsiderate of Mark's feelings, but it would screw me up royally if I aborted.

 

[lauramumof2]

Hi again Sami,
I feel so bad for you and Mark just now. The babies close together will be hard work but you will get through it. I think you are right about the abortion, it wont solve anything. Please keep talking, it sounds as though you pretty much have your head together about it but your oh not so much so. That doesnt make him a bad person, just a scared one. He sounds like he loves you all very much.