AmyQ
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2012
- Messages
- 1,303
- Reaction score
- 0
So bit of history - I've had depression in the past but recovered about 5 years ago. I've been prone to getting stressed, anxious and depressed but always been fairly high functioning - i.e. completing a masters degree in the midst of my worst time, getting out of bed every day and being a normal human.
I was always aware that I would be more likely to get PND so DH and I moved in with my parents (for money mostly, but I knew I would need the support) and was open and honest with them about my fears.
I didn't have the birth I wanted, and despite it being a 'normal' delivery I was terrified at one point my son or I would die. I was also left in hospital for 3 days as my bladder stopped working and was sent home with a catheter for a week - not easy with a newborn.
Anyway, the first month or so was fine. Just usual sleep deprivation that any new parent has. I absolutely love being a mummy...
The last week or so Evan has been terrible at bedtime. It is at best 30 minutes of screaming, at worst 3 hours. I am absolutely exhausted and during the day he is very demanding and constantly bored. I have now got to the wall.
Last night I couldn't cope when Evan was screaming, I was knackered and upset so DH took over. Then when my mum came home she took over. When Evan had finally gone to sleep I felt horrific as if I couldn't even look at him or be in the same room as him. I also bf so I knew he would be up in the night and I would have to face him. I just needed so be upset for a short while...
DH decided this was the time to pounce and told me to "man up princess" and "it could be worse, you could have cancer". All this while I am sobbing about the fact that I cannot cope. He doesn't want me to sink any deeper into depression - but I am doing everything I can to get out. I've been open and honest with him and my parents, called the HV, seen my doctor (who put me on a waiting list for counselling). The main issue is sleep deprivation but he didn't understand.
After that I couldn't face him and was asleep when he left for work. I know he'll try and call later but I don't want to speak to him. Maybe tough love works, but not trying to deal with being a new mummy of only 3 months. He is also struggling but now I feel I am on my own. My mum is on my side and is incredibly supportive, but he is supposed to be my partner in this.
Sorry for the epic rant, I needed to vent
I was always aware that I would be more likely to get PND so DH and I moved in with my parents (for money mostly, but I knew I would need the support) and was open and honest with them about my fears.
I didn't have the birth I wanted, and despite it being a 'normal' delivery I was terrified at one point my son or I would die. I was also left in hospital for 3 days as my bladder stopped working and was sent home with a catheter for a week - not easy with a newborn.
Anyway, the first month or so was fine. Just usual sleep deprivation that any new parent has. I absolutely love being a mummy...
The last week or so Evan has been terrible at bedtime. It is at best 30 minutes of screaming, at worst 3 hours. I am absolutely exhausted and during the day he is very demanding and constantly bored. I have now got to the wall.
Last night I couldn't cope when Evan was screaming, I was knackered and upset so DH took over. Then when my mum came home she took over. When Evan had finally gone to sleep I felt horrific as if I couldn't even look at him or be in the same room as him. I also bf so I knew he would be up in the night and I would have to face him. I just needed so be upset for a short while...
DH decided this was the time to pounce and told me to "man up princess" and "it could be worse, you could have cancer". All this while I am sobbing about the fact that I cannot cope. He doesn't want me to sink any deeper into depression - but I am doing everything I can to get out. I've been open and honest with him and my parents, called the HV, seen my doctor (who put me on a waiting list for counselling). The main issue is sleep deprivation but he didn't understand.
After that I couldn't face him and was asleep when he left for work. I know he'll try and call later but I don't want to speak to him. Maybe tough love works, but not trying to deal with being a new mummy of only 3 months. He is also struggling but now I feel I am on my own. My mum is on my side and is incredibly supportive, but he is supposed to be my partner in this.
Sorry for the epic rant, I needed to vent