"Man up Princess"

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by AmyQ, Jul 26, 2013.

  1. AmyQ

    AmyQ Well-Known Member

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    So bit of history - I've had depression in the past but recovered about 5 years ago. I've been prone to getting stressed, anxious and depressed but always been fairly high functioning - i.e. completing a masters degree in the midst of my worst time, getting out of bed every day and being a normal human.

    I was always aware that I would be more likely to get PND so DH and I moved in with my parents (for money mostly, but I knew I would need the support) and was open and honest with them about my fears.

    I didn't have the birth I wanted, and despite it being a 'normal' delivery I was terrified at one point my son or I would die. I was also left in hospital for 3 days as my bladder stopped working and was sent home with a catheter for a week - not easy with a newborn.

    Anyway, the first month or so was fine. Just usual sleep deprivation that any new parent has. I absolutely love being a mummy...

    The last week or so Evan has been terrible at bedtime. It is at best 30 minutes of screaming, at worst 3 hours. I am absolutely exhausted and during the day he is very demanding and constantly bored. I have now got to the wall.

    Last night I couldn't cope when Evan was screaming, I was knackered and upset so DH took over. Then when my mum came home she took over. When Evan had finally gone to sleep I felt horrific as if I couldn't even look at him or be in the same room as him. I also bf so I knew he would be up in the night and I would have to face him. I just needed so be upset for a short while...

    DH decided this was the time to pounce and told me to "man up princess" and "it could be worse, you could have cancer". All this while I am sobbing about the fact that I cannot cope. He doesn't want me to sink any deeper into depression - but I am doing everything I can to get out. I've been open and honest with him and my parents, called the HV, seen my doctor (who put me on a waiting list for counselling). The main issue is sleep deprivation but he didn't understand.

    After that I couldn't face him and was asleep when he left for work. I know he'll try and call later but I don't want to speak to him. Maybe tough love works, but not trying to deal with being a new mummy of only 3 months. He is also struggling but now I feel I am on my own. My mum is on my side and is incredibly supportive, but he is supposed to be my partner in this.

    Sorry for the epic rant, I needed to vent
     
  2. mablestarr

    mablestarr Well-Known Member

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    Big hugs hun. Being a mummy isn't easy and that's before suffering with depression etc. Your OHs comments obviously haven't helped either. I have no advice hun just keep doing what you're doing, get as much sleep as possible and speak to those close to you about how you feel. xx
     
  3. EmiLou123

    EmiLou123 Well-Known Member

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    'Man up, princess'? I'm sorry, I would have socked him in the face for that. The man can go out, go to work... but you are left with the baby especially when bf. I can relate to how you feel here, I too am feeling sleep deprived and stressed. My lo is 5 months today and up to 3 nights ago was waking up every two hours (or less!) during the night so I was up all night and all day. Everyone tells you it gets easier, yes it probably does, but for the time being accept all the help you can get, sleep as much as you can and try to take comfort in the fact other people are going through this as well. You're not doing anything wrong!

    I hope your man realises how unhelpful his words were! If you want to talk/moan feel free xxx

    tapatalking x
     
  4. EmiLou123

    EmiLou123 Well-Known Member

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    Ooh and just realised you're in Northants too! Where abouts? X

    tapatalking x
     
  5. Bella2

    Bella2 Well-Known Member

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    Oh you poor love. It's bad enough dealing with depression and anxiety when there is only yourself to contend with let alone when you have a newborn. Sounds like your partner is struggling to understand therefore lashed out with something completely insensitive. I think unless you've been there yourself it is very hard to put yourself in someone elses shoes, it took a while before my OH understood how I felt which was really hard. Good you have your mum's support. One thing to remember is that this won't last forever, your little one will reach a time where he will start to sleep better, sounds like he could be suffering with colic? xx
     
  6. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    I really feel for you. I have 2 to look after and trying to pull myself out of it. DH is being very supportive but my parents decided it was a good time to separate/divorce. I am having trouble sleeping as my brain doesnt switch off.
    Maybe get him to read about pnd? Xxx

    Tapatalking so cant see signatures
     
  7. AmyQ

    AmyQ Well-Known Member

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    I'm in Daventry.

    DH knows all about PND as we talked about it before Evan was born. I knew there was a risk I would get it so wanted to make sure all my support systems were up and my family knew the signs. He wants to fix me and is lashing out because he can't.

    I've tried to get hold of the HV this morning regarding his crying but no one is there - surprise surprise. It might be colic or reflux. He has been being sick repeatedly straught after a feed and then again half an hour later. He still seems well in himself though, other than the extreme grumpiness.
     
  8. AmyQ

    AmyQ Well-Known Member

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    That's tough for you, at least your DH is supporting you. It makes it so hard when you can't switch off though. By the time the battle of bedtime is complete and Evan is asleep I am spent. He was down at 11 last night after 3 hours of screaming and I was still wound up at half 12 and was just waiting for him to wake up starving xxx
     
  9. Nicnax

    Nicnax Well-Known Member

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    You poor thing. I would bypass the HV and go to your gp, if you suspect colic or reflux. My gp was extremely sympathetic, . And gave me good advice when my little lady had colic. It was awful when she had it- I felt utterly useless, and like I was failing her. Seek help, because there are things rtf that can help.

    As for your OH- men are utterly idiotic sometimes! Speak first, think later- my hubby is like this, and has, unintentionally, said some awful things in the past. He needs to understand how unhelpful that sort of comment is- can your mum have a gentle word? Save you and he getting into an argument?

    Do you express at all? If so, can you get someone to take little one off your hands while you get some sleep? Perhaps your other half can take him out for the afternoon, with bottles, so that you can just switch off? :)
     
  10. rheannymac

    rheannymac Well-Known Member

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    Don't really have any more advice other than what the other girls have said, but just wanted to offer a massive cuddle :hugs:
    Harry sends a big drooly snog too! Xxx
     
  11. Chezza

    Chezza Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun :-( Men can be so bloody insensitive sometimes!!

    Is there anyway at all that you would combi feed, so DH can help with the feeds...or would you express so he can take the night feeds...? (If he doesn't already do so, that is...sorry if that's a useless suggestion!)

    I truly hope someone gives you the support that you need - can you bypass GP / HV and speak to your old midwife perhaps...? xx
     
  12. Little_angel

    Little_angel Well-Known Member

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    You're afraid, he's afraid. I know it was a stupid thing to say, but he's coping with a life changing event too and he probably feels a massive responsibility to keep it together for you and Evan.

    Sleep deprivation is horrible. I don't cope with it well at all and in the worst days I wondered if I had PND too. Now looking back i think it was all about the sleep, but it was so hard at the time.

    I agree that if you suspect reflux or a medical issue, you should go to the GP rather than the HV. You don't have to wait until Monday if you need help, there will be an out of hours service for urgent issues.

    Hope things get better soon xxx
     
    #12 Little_angel, Jul 26, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2013
  13. ceebee

    ceebee Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time and DH is being so insensitive right now. Tough love doesn't work for me either. I have a history of depression/anxiety too and a tendency to go that way, so if I didn't have a supportive partner I don't know what I'd do. Your DH needs to 'man up' IMO. Can you get someone else to speak to him for you, as maybe you're not in the best place to try and make him understand. Could you get him to come to the Dr with you if you have a supportive GP and get GP to talk to him? It sounds like you're doing all the right things and having a baby is hard for people who don't have problems like us, so you're doing really well. Sorry wish I could say more to help, but hopefully your DH will come round - like you say he's probably struggling too. Just keep trying to get through to him and hopefully you'll get there. Big hugs and good luck xxxx
     

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