Making friends.. Lonely.

[Tigeress]

Heya girlies,

Hopefully some remember me, I'm off and on the forum alot.
I'm 18 weeks and 2 days pregnant.
I've not long moved up to Yorkshire from near London.
I was recently working at a cafe but it got closed a couple of weeks ago. Due to the boss not paying his rent. Tut tut. But anyway our financial situation is now a joke and we are struggling really bad. I have applied for jobs and got one as another waitress, it's an hour drive away. I am lacking motivation for it and feel severely depressed. I've got a medical condition on my bottum at the moment. Yup, that wasn't autocorrect. It's all on the inside of my bottum. It bleeds and bursts and causes me severe pain when it flares up. They can't give me treatment due to pregnancy and will operate once baby is here. Great, im gonna have my front bits out and then turn over and work on the back.. ha. I'm getting dizzy and lightheaded. Due to the heat. I feel taking this job would help with socialising, our financial situation and get me out of our large two bed flat. I feel really lonely all the time as I'm so far from my friends and family and I constantly feel ill and tired. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday to get a sick note and start claiming. Which I feel a bit shit about but as I haven't claimed benefits in a large number of years I feel I really do need this help.
Me and my partner who I adore have been abit Rocky lately. But that seems to be picking up again. His my everything and my best friend. But I feel like I need some girly friends to vent to and hang out with. I have looked on Facebook and joined some groups to no avail. I'm a first time mum and just want a friend to get together with, cup of tea and a chinwag. My whole career has been put on hold til after the baby comes as that's when I will be going into business with my mum.
Arghhh, I just feel... lonely. Really blady lonely.
So much going on in my head and that's not the half of it.
I sound like a advert lol
25, engaged, female, pregnant with number one, funny, smart... pretty.. pretty bored that is. haha..
Anyway I don't know, I'm stuck in all the time in our lush flat (hardly any furniture though) just waiting for next year.
Sigh.... looks out window...

Xx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Check out net mums they have meet a mum board for every area in uk was a life saver for me as I didn't know anyone. Also I never joined but doing NCT classes are good for first time mums and doing a preg fitness class I have forged really great friendships. X

 

[Tigeress]

Ooooh thanks hun. I'll have a nosey at netmums. I remember when my mum was on that when she was pregnant with my lil sister. She is still friends with some of the ladies today, my little sister is now 11. Thanks hun. Hope something comes from it. Fed up of feeling so down about everything xx

 

[babybee]

Hi hun, im one of your fellow Feb mums so i of course remember you. Sorry to hear youre feeling down and alone and are in discomfort with the medical issue. Money issues always suck!
Ive just started going to an antenatal yoga and its such a nice way of making friends, everyone's in the same boat. I did it with my other 2 pregnancies and am still friends with some of the ladies. After each class a few of us go for a coffee and a snack and just chat about anything really. Its hard at this stage as most people are still working hut you'll find when people start going on mat leave then you can hang out at each other's places before the babies come. When the baby comes, after the initial few weeks of recovery, just inmerse yourself in the world of baby groups as you make so many friends because everyone is in the same boat and equally as desperate to make mum friends!
Also check out the NCT website in your area for NCTea meet ups for pregnant women and new parents who get together every week in a cafe for a chat. Also a lot of NCT branches have email lists where you can sign up to be put on the Jan/Feb/March mums group list and thats another good and free way of making friends. So Id definitelt enquire about that!xxx

 

[Tigeress]

Thanks hun, I will defo have a nosey at them thanks. It feels like your the only one in the situation but I know I'm not. Feeling sorry for myself lol. Because I'm at home all day, I'm bugging my mum alot with telephone calls out of boredom lol. She's a very busy lady but understands my situation. I've explained it all to the oh and he gets it to. But it really is down to me in a way to sort something out. One of my good friends back home is 35 weeks pregnant and I chat to her alot on Facebook, wishing I was back home!
Sounds as though someone should get a violin out for me lol but I can't help it lol xxx

 

[KateK]

You're definitely not alone - I have been feeling lonely for years now. We live about an hour away from our families which, whilst it isn't that far, is too far to just pop round for a chat etc. I work alone from home so don't have that interaction either. My little girl has just started school so I really am on my bill! I suppose i'm used to it now.. I'm not good with small talk and idle chit chat so hated baby groups personally (I only went so Poppy could get out the house). My other half does understand but he certainly forgets and doesnt always appreciate how hard it is. He has a big social life outside of work and plays golf a lot, goes out a lot etc. I think i'm quite good at being a lone ranger but it does get ontop of you sometimes. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. It sounds as though your situation is going to be temporary so just allow yourself a bit of slack throughout this massive period of readjustment. Even try to enjoy some alone time as I promise when baby gets here you won't have any! Do something you've always wanted to try (crotchet a blanket for the baby!) and focus on your health and wellbeing. You just have to try and drag the positives out of it and do everything you can to improve your mood. Hope you feel better soon, I know it's hard xx

 

[Tigeress]

You're definitely not alone - I have been feeling lonely for years now. We live about an hour away from our families which, whilst it isn't that far, is too far to just pop round for a chat etc. I work alone from home so don't have that interaction either. My little girl has just started school so I really am on my bill! I suppose i'm used to it now.. I'm not good with small talk and idle chit chat so hated baby groups personally (I only went so Poppy could get out the house). My other half does understand but he certainly forgets and doesnt always appreciate how hard it is. He has a big social life outside of work and plays golf a lot, goes out a lot etc. I think i'm quite good at being a lone ranger but it does get ontop of you sometimes. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. It sounds as though your situation is going to be temporary so just allow yourself a bit of slack throughout this massive period of readjustment. Even try to enjoy some alone time as I promise when baby gets here you won't have any! Do something you've always wanted to try (crotchet a blanket for the baby!) and focus on your health and wellbeing. You just have to try and drag the positives out of it and do everything you can to improve your mood. Hope you feel better soon, I know it's hard xx

Thanks hun, I never even thought about crotcheting, knitting, etc!! When money comes in I might actually have a look into that! Thanks hun!
We went to the coast today (half hour up road) and my butt hurt so much and I was in agony we had to come home. I had a warm bath when I got in and it seems to have eased it a little. I've got my docs appointment and I'm just praying he can help, or at least something to help with the pain. I think once I've got some kind of answer for that an our financial situation picks up, I'm hoping my depression will to. Xxx

 

[KateK]

Oh bless you Yes it's probably because it's an amalgamation of all these things - in isolation you'd be able to deal with them but they've all come at you at once so don't beat yourself up. I really hope you get some relief from the doctor, I can't inagine how dealing with constant pain affects your mood. Yes definitely do it - look on Pinterest for inspiration!! Do let us know how you're getting on sweet xx

 

[Tigeress]

Will do thanks hun, let you know what happens tomorrow at docs, fingers crossed xxxx

 

[Tigeress]

Well I went to the docs and she's signed me off work for two weeks. Like my problem is gonna be gone in two weeks. Can I still claim? I did ask if the problem is still there can I come back and she said yes? So not sure what to do now xx

 

[KateK]

I am so sorry Tigeress I've never had to look into claiming but ring your local CAB as i've heard they are very helpful, really hope you get everything sorted xxxx

 

[Tigeress]

Thanks hun, I've rang them and they said to ring jobcentre. If it weren't for this stupid problem I could be at work and not broke and in pain urgh xx