Made to feel I'm not good enough for going to formula

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by violet13, Jan 19, 2016.

  1. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies,
    I've been really struggling lately, me and baby where ebf until 10 weeks as baby was so unhappy on breast and just simply wasn't getting enough so I went to formula after speaking to my dr and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety because ofL the overwhelming pressure I was under. Now he's been bottle fed for 6 weeks and is content and happy but I really miss bfeeding but can't go back due to meds and also the anxiety the dr advised me not to and now I've been made to feel like I didn't even try my best in doing so like I've failed my child because it was too much and I've become ill as a result. I don't even know how to reply to what's been said without really kicking off tbh I hate that I get made to feel like crap because for his benefit we switched how is that fair?! Also not enough support for bfeeding? Sorry I call b.s on that I and a lot of bfeeding mums got tons of help with it yet a mum across from me who couldn't get baby to latch for anything got left for over 2 hours without a bottle or help when she expressed going to formula how is that okay? I'm really really angry and this isn't a dig at anyone on here but I don't want bfeed my next baby so I won't get any help brilliant. I don't think me going to formula for my baby's sake makes me an evil person but I'm being made to feel that way. Just a bit of a rant really thank you ladies xxx
     
  2. Donna88

    Donna88 Well-Known Member

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    People are idiots and you will always get someone who wants to push their view on you and make you feel like you aren't doing as well as them. To be honest, I think it's very sad and insecure people who have to try and make other people feel bad to make themselves feel better.

    You've said yourself, it was best for YOUR child to come off the breast milk... noone else can judge you on that. You tried and do you know what, even if you hadn't... if you'd just decided that you wanted to formula feed from the start, there's nothing wrong with that either. We all want the best for our children and we all know whats best for us and for our children... nobody else knows better and noone has the right to either make or try and make you feel bad for it.
     
  3. Aimee84

    Aimee84 Well-Known Member

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    Everyone is different and every baby is different. Don't beat yourself up your doing what's best for you both. Happy mum has a happy baby. Ignore any negative comments it's none of their business.
     
  4. heatheror12

    heatheror12 Well-Known Member

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    I chose not to BF either of mine. Don't worry urself. I'm sure ur a great mum and like others have said I'd your happy baby will be happy. And my HV was really supportive and gave me loads tips and things to try when my youngest had colic :) xx
     
  5. lisastevo

    lisastevo Well-Known Member

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    I chose to not breastfeed my son and no one should be made to explain their reasons for doing so and made to feel bad for what is doing best for yourself and your baby. My son is happy, healthy and thriving. Keep your chin up. Regardless of what you do someone will always have something to say about it and it took me a long time to realise that. I got PND and I had a terrible pregnancy and traumatic birth but I had a lot of support from the hospital and community midwives/hv's. I guess I was lucky.
     
  6. Flickalicious

    Flickalicious Well-Known Member

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    You gave your baby the best you possibly could from your breast for 10 weeks. Now you're giving him the best you possibly can from a bottle. You are doing amazingly Mumma, stay strong <3 Baby is being fed and is thriving that's all that matters :)

    My baby girl was BF for 10 weeks before I was told to stop by a pediatrician. She was off the centile scale because she was soo tiny. It took her that long just to get back to birth weight. I had no choice and it destroyed me. I'm also suffering D&A :( Watching her grow has made up for it but I still feel terribly guilty and upset that I couldn't provide for her. She's 11 months now and doing perfectly.
    I'm 28 weeks with my next one, I'll try to BF again but this time I'm fully prepared to bottle feed from the start. I can carry babies but need help feeding them and I'm ok with that. Hard to come to terms with but you do anything for your babies :) xXx
     
  7. Becky1

    Becky1 Well-Known Member

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    You breastfeed for 10 weeks - that is brilliant and a great start for your little one. You have not failed at all, you baby is happy, content and fed. You sound like an excellent mummy xx
     
  8. Ams1985

    Ams1985 Well-Known Member

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    Who is it that's given you a hard time poppet? I breastfed my son with some formula top ups until 7 weeks and then I couldn't do it anymore, he seemed starving all the time and if he wasn't attached to me he just screamed. One night I fed him for 6 hours straight and then he slept for 2. It just wasn't sustainable. It actually turned out he has some allergies and intolerances but I felt so guilty for not breastfeeding him, I know there's absolutely nothing wrong with formula, he's such a funny happy little boy how he's been fed makes no difference at all! All of my friends bf their babies some til a year + and j felt such a failure compared to them, they tried to give me support and encouragement but sometimes it felt a bit like pressure to carry on which looking back now I realise it wasn't.

    You're doing what is best for you and your little one. Honestly inpromise soon it won't matter at all. X
     
  9. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Tha is ladies, it still upsets me as I miss bfeeding and the fact that some people think I copped out or didn't try hard enough is really knocking me. My baby is happy and smiley most of the time of course every baby has its down/bad day I just didn't need that pressure last night or the upset like I haven't beat myself up enough I have other people doing it you know? I wish people where more understanding like you guys xxx
     
  10. tinselcat

    tinselcat Well-Known Member

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    Hey Violet

    You have a pretty profile pic btw!

    Please please remember that the problem is not you, the problem is them!! and every time you look at your lovely baby, remember you're doing a great job!

    Some people just don't have empathy for others.

    I've struggled with anxiety/self-esteem too over my lifetime and I've only recently realised that there are a lot of a**eholes out there and the only way to deal with them is to have your mental/emotional fence up to keep them out. Fortunately there are lots of nice people out there too, these are the ones whose opinions it's worth caring about.

    I include friends & family in the potential a**eholes category; if people haven't walked in your shoes, they have no right to say what you should be doing.

    xxx
     
  11. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you tinsecat, thankfully not a lot of family or friends have been like that it's just friends but I do have more support than not tbh just sometimes it can really take the wind out of your sails xxxx
     
  12. Aimee84

    Aimee84 Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you can win either way with feeding, if u breastfeed you can get comments from a minority and if you formula feeding again you can get comments from a minority. A friend of mine had a friend who had had a double mastectomy so obviously had no choice but to formula feeding, someone made a comment to her, she was great and said straight up to the lady it's my choice, my child! It doesn't matter I have no boobs to feed him. He's happy and healthy tell me what's wrong with that? Funnily enough the woman couldn't answer that!
    I felt rubbish when I had to stop breastfeeding at seven weeks as she was allergic to my milk. But we were having problems latching so I was ebf which is so hard and was thinking of feeding till eight weeks then change to formula as I just couldn't keep going. I'm still jealous of everyone that finds breastfeeding so easy but there are advantages of formula feeding. Daddy's can bond with the baby and you can pop out without worrying about the next feed. Be happy in your decision and you don't need to justify it to anyone.
     
  13. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you Aimee, it can be very tough and honestly whe someone's had a double mascetomy who the hell judges that person for not breastfeeding?! The actual fudge? I'm doing okay now and I'll simply tell people to get lost now i promised myself this year I won't be a door mat and I'll be standing up for myself. Xxx
     
  14. tinselcat

    tinselcat Well-Known Member

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    Good for you violet! I've found some people don't like it when I'm trying to stop being a doormat too, but that gives a useful clue as to whether that person is actually good for you, either!

    Hope you're feeling better now xx
     
  15. *glow*

    *glow* Well-Known Member

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    I just wanted to say well done violet for getting so far and also for being strong minded enough to make the decision that's right for your family.

    What a great mummy X
     
  16. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all so much, I always feel I could be a better mum but I have always made the right choices for my baby from birth to now he's all I really care about besides my hubby I just want to make sure I am doing what's best. Xxx
     
  17. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

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    It amazes me what people will waste their time on. There are moms out there who smoke and drink and do drugs throughout pregnancy and abuse their kids or abandon them or do the unthinkable. And people waste time and energy getting pissy and butthurt over formula?? Incredible.
     
  18. Colleen1988

    Colleen1988 Well-Known Member

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    Couldn't have said it better myself xx
     
  19. nicky1987

    nicky1987 Well-Known Member

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    I exclusively breastfed my first little girl for 6 months until the week before I went back to work. This time I said I wouldn't put the pressure on myself that I did the first time to feed myself as I want sure how I'd cope with the constant feeding and a nearly 3 year old! I made it to 5.5 weeks this time and then slowly started switching to formula. I feel really bloody guilty that I haven't given her the same start as I did my first but I was so unhappy, she was so hungry and my eldest was playing up because of the constant feeding!

    Now we are much happier and at the minute I'm still breastfeeding through the night although I am trying to earn her off that.

    Don't feel bad and don't let others make you feel bad! You have to do what makes you happy and baby happy because being a mummy is hard tiring work!!
     

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