Made to feel bad and I don't get it

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Shepherdess, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Shepherdess

    Shepherdess Well-Known Member

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    Hi girls, please excuse me but I need a rant.

    My lg is 9.5 months old and I still breast feed. When pregnant I'd wanted to try and bf for 6 months but I was quite relaxed in my approach thinking if I didn't like it I wouldn't stress myself. As it happens I've gotten on great and now plan to continue to a year when I'll give her cows milk during the day and breast milk at night.

    During my time breast feeding I've been confident and happy with my decision but the last few weeks other people make me feel like I should stop.

    A friend of mine had a Lo a coupl of weeks before me and bf for 3 months before switching to formula. She's a single mum so it meant she could have a few nights off here and there. She's made a few comments lately though which bug me

    "There's no point you coming on nights out if you can't drink"
    "There's no point now she's on solids to"
    "I just any imagine a baby that big still bf it's odd"
    "My Lo put on much more weight now she's on formula, yours will to" her Lo was a bit smaller but my Lo is on the 75 centile so I don't know why she'd suggest that to me
    "You'd be able to diet and lose the extra weight if you quit"

    I just don't really know what to say in response, a few other friends have also questioned me bf so long. I'm happy bf and I'm not bothered about drinking and nights out. I've said I want to go on nights out and don't mind only having a couple but apparently That's "boring". My Lo has only spent three nights away from me which is how I like it but I guess my friends make me feel that at 25 I should out partying still

    I'm just a bit down, I knew when pg to expect pressure TO bf but I never expected pressure to quit.
     
  2. Karenb

    Karenb Well-Known Member

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    Hi, my girl is 8 months and I'm just entering the stage of receiving comments about when I'm going to stop. I've weaned her off during the day purely for preparation to return to work, otherwise I'd be more than happy to carry on! It's quick, easy and free- that's without all the health benefits so why the hell not??? It's ridiculous that anyone would question the wonderful thing you are doing. She's only a baby still, not like she's 8 years old!
     
  3. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    Your friend sounds jealous about you successfully breastfeeding if you ask me.

    Bee is 13m and I'm going to let her self wean.. I am back at work 3 days per week (she has food, water and soya milk on those days) and my supply has settled just fine. Feeding her is second nature to me now and it doesn't impinge negatively at all - I even have the occasional glass of wine!!

    It's no one else's business and a proper friend wouldn't make you feel bad for your choices.

    X
     
  4. violet13

    violet13 Well-Known Member

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    I could only do it for 10 weeks hun due to baby needing more than I had. I think you're doing fantastic! Keep going if baby and you are happy then ignore people it's not anyone else's child it's yours and you are doing what's best xxx
     
  5. Kholl

    Kholl Well-Known Member

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    Yeah your friend has some kind of deep insecurity about all this. I nursed my daughter until she was 3.5 and my 17-month-old son is still nursing. I have friends who have exclusively formula-fed and they've never been weird about my nursing my older kids- probably because they are secure in their own choices. Your friend has some serious issues. This is a very bizarre and inappropriate way to behave.
     
  6. Shepherdess

    Shepherdess Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the responses, it's great to hear how well some of you have gotten on breastfeeding. It did cross my mind if my friend was jealous at one point but she only ever planned on going to 6 months so now I just wonder if she's missing her drinking buddy. I know a few of my friends find me "boring" that I don't drink much and tend to go home at 11 or 12 rather than staying out until 3am.

    I rarely feed in public these days as Lo is so distracted when I try to but also because she only has 3 feeds during the day so I can plan trips out around her. I just worry people will look at me funny if I try to now. It's weird in the beginning I couldn't care less what people thought but now she's that much bigger I worry

    Thanks again for the positivity
     
  7. *glow*

    *glow* Well-Known Member

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    It's so sad how women do this to each other, we all do our best and what we feel is right for us and our children.

    I combi feed and don't go out - I would rather be at home with my family at the moment.

    Your friend is probably upset she hasn't achieved what you have and her comments make her feel better she probably doesn't realise she's doing it so don't be offended and see it that she will grow out of it when this is less of an issue for HER.

    Feel confident in your choices, breast, formula, stay at home, go to work .. Mummy knows best and how you choose to raise your little one is the best way.

    Hugs X
     
  8. tinselcat

    tinselcat Well-Known Member

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    Don't let their comments rattle you... you know in your heart of hearts that they make no sense, and at the end of the day, it's your decision!

    When I had trouble BF when baby was a newborn, I steered well clear of one friend who'd had 3 babies as I knew she'd try to convince me to FF - when I finally got in touch, she did just that, but I was just making a breakthrough on the BF so I could happily ignore her comments.

    Later, when I reached 9 months, my own mother started telling me to quit because that's when she did.

    Honestly, these people can all bog off!! :D

    I'm a single mum of a 13-month old (and have NO nights out!!) and this week he's just stopped BF I think because some teeth are coming through. I don't know if that's it for good (I hope not!) but I don't think it's at all weird to be following the world health guidelines that recommend going for at least a year. If you're capable of doing it, then absolutely, do it if you want to :)
     
  9. flexilexi394

    flexilexi394 Well-Known Member

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    I breastfed my DD til she was just over 1 and I got some strange comments very similar to what you have had. One of my friends switched from breast to bottle and her baby ballooned and put on tonnes of weight which she actually ended up getting told off for, HV said its not actually healthy for them to just gain a tonne of weight.

    I plan on breastfeeding again because I absolutely loved it! Don't let anyone tell you any different, peoples opinions dont matter. Fact is, you have done the most healthy, natural thing you possibly could for your baby. My DD is 5 now, shes never ill, she never suffered with teething, she developed well as a baby, never had colic etc and I believe it was because I breastfed. xxxxx
     
  10. Orion

    Orion Well-Known Member

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    Just tell them to hush up.

    My baby is formula fed, and I don't drink and I've only been away from him for 1 night in 9 months.

    Everyone is different and you don't have to defend your choices to anyone. And if your 'friend' thinks it's ok to criticise you as a mother, then they're not really a friend IMO
     
  11. EllieH

    EllieH Well-Known Member

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    I think you're doing great! Personally if she kept saying things I would say something like 'you know you make me bad for breastfeeding my child when you say things like that!' As long as you don't say it in an accusing or arsey way (unless you feel you want to) then she might think twice about her comments.

    Hope I can bf that long too, terrified of her getting teeth though haha x
     
  12. Rooster30

    Rooster30 Well-Known Member

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    As a non-alcohol drinker I always get offended when people insinuate I can't come out or have fun because I 'don't drink'.

    You're doing a fabulous job. Carry on as you are and try to ignore her or just don't bother with her anymore!

    I BF for two months and FF after that. The night feeds stopped very quickly, but despite all this my DD has never been away overnight. My parents have sat in the evening for us a handful of times but only once the kids were in bed and all they had to do was sit downstairs and watch TV.
     
  13. Pin badge

    Pin badge Well-Known Member

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    Ignore any comments and do as you please! It is nobodies business but yours and you've done brilliantly. My DD breastfed til she was 16/17 months, I think she only stopped when I got pregnant as the taste changed.
    Like you're planning we did cows milk from 12 months during the day and breastfed for the bed time feed. (She had stopped waking in the night by then) it worked really well for us and it'd be lovely to have the same journey with this next little one.

    I've also never left her overnight and haven't had (or missed having) a drink since she was born! x
     
  14. sammielou

    sammielou Well-Known Member

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    For the record - I'm pregnant for the first time and therefore have not yet experienced breastfeeding. I believe the decision of how long (and indeed, if at all) to bf is entirely a personal choice and there is no right or wrong in it. So I'm not judging either of you as good or bad mothers, but I am calling out one of you on being a sucky friend. Hint: it isn't you shepherdess.

    Sounds like your "friend" is desperately seeking reassurance that her decision to stop bf when she did was acceptable. In short she is saying: I insist that you stop being such a serene breast-feeding mum and quit making me feel bad. She feels guilty or some other troubling emotion over this, and she's trying to make that your problem. Not much of a friendly thing to do.

    Become a broken record and respond calmly to every comment about it with, "I hear what you're saying, but I'm going to keep breastfeeding, thanks" or "Thanks, I'll think about what you've said." (meaning you'll think on it for all of a couple of seconds then ignore it). No excuses or justification on your part leaves no room for argument. Acknowledge that you've heard what is said and then change the subject. Even if you have to say the same thing (or some variation of it) 15 times or more. They are the ones out of line here, not you. If things feel awkward, they are making them awkward by continually pressuring you about something that is none of their business. They'll get the message.

    With the exception of "There's no point you coming on nights out if you can't drink". If I were you I couldn't resist responding to that with: *sarcastic tone* Gee, thanks. I though you liked me, not just drunk me. Sorry I'm not fun enough for you when I'm sober.
    I stopped getting drunk 10 years ago at the age of 21 and got lots of grief over it. That response shut them up every time.
     
  15. TTC no2

    TTC no2 Well-Known Member

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    My son is almost 11 months and we are still bf. I didn't think we would still be going but I'm just going with the flow. Luckily the whole experience has been so easy I will try to switch him to cows milk when one if he doesn't take it well I'm happy to continue.
    To me it sounds like ur friend is trying to justify her own reasons for quitting but that was her choice and sounds like it was right choice for her. Do what u feel is best for you and ur baby and don't give in and feel pressured to quit. Tell them to butt out and u plan to feed till he starts uni. Lol
     
    #15 TTC no2, Feb 27, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2016
  16. Birdie

    Birdie Well-Known Member

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    People can be so funny about breastfeeding full stop, let alone 'extended' feeding.

    I am still feeding my 2.5yr old (just at bedtime now) and have no qualms about sharing that info when it comes up in context - but 9 times out of 10 people are pretty shocked. It is just not normalised in UK society and that is such a shame. By the same token I feel very lucky that I have always been able to see my breastfeeding relationship with my son as private between us, and have never ever waivered or been even slighltly touched by anyone else's opinion (I'm bloody proud of it truth be told!)

    I honestly think that some women (including my own lovely Mum) carry a bizarre guilt about any failings they feel they had regards breastfeeding and to counteract that they really push the messages about how giving up asap is best especially for Mum if she wants any 'freedom' and how it will help get baby into a routine etc. etc. But honestly, it is so utterly none of their business it's unreal.

    Do whatever feels right for you & your baby... I doubt you would ever look back on your life & think "I'm so glad I let so-and-so pressure me into giving up breastfeeding my baby"
     
  17. Flo1

    Flo1 Well-Known Member

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    I breastfed my son til he was just over a year and for us that was a good time to stop. We were both ready for it. I hope I can do the same for my second baby. Don't worry about those comments: there is nothing wrong with bf your child for as long as you both want. You're doing a great job!
     

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