losing my mind

[Louloubelle84]

As the title says I am losing my mind!

I'm at the end of my 2ww and today at 12dpo I have some spotting / bleeding which is AF arriving a day early. I have a really sore back and feel nauseous and even tho I know out (about 50 bfns confirm this!) I can't help but Google and convince myself I'm still in with a chance. It's like there are two sides to my mind -reality and hope, and they just keep fighting each other.

I have obsessed about conceiving during this 2ww and convinced myself this was our month. I have looked up symptoms for hours on end all week, taken sooooo many photos of tests and edited the life out of them to try find that second line. Still nada.

Today I feel like crying. I really believed we had cracked it and I'm so heart broken we have failed again. I sound so crazy keep checking out stuff online I have to hide it from my OH and no one else understands but people on here.

Trying to stay positive but it's so hard. X

 

[LittleDalla]

It really is hard when all you want is that BFP. We have all been in the same boat. Googling every little thing possible. Majority of the time Google tells us what we want to hear and if not at first we continue to search until we find it.

As hard as it will be, stay positive, you will finally get that BFP

 

[snowbee]

Loulou big hugs. It is a really testing time ttc and can be so hard. I've also had months where I'm convinced this will be the one, then when it isn't it is so hard to accept isn't it Hope you can keep yourself busy and are feeling better soon

 

[Clover]

Aww hun sending you a big hug, ttc is such a rollercoaster and so hard
Stay positive honey, this next cycle could bring your Bfp sweetie

Xxxxxxx

 

[shorty77]

Everyone on here totally understands how you feel and knows what you are going through.

Promise it will get easier and that you will get your BFP.

Take care
xx

 

[Louloubelle84]

All your kind and supportive words brought tears to my eyes. Walking down the road on my lunch break blubbering into my phone like a mad woman.

Last 2 trips to the toilet didn't have anymore bleeding /spotting. 12dpo is too late for implantation bleed right? It was red too not brown. *sigh*. Here I go again getting my hopes up.

It's the not knowing that drives me insane. I literally feel insane with it today I can't get a grip.

Thanks for all your support, it's nice to have somewhere to vent where people don't say to me 'just relax it will happen '! !!!

 

[Clover]

All your kind and supportive words brought tears to my eyes. Walking down the road on my lunch break blubbering into my phone like a mad woman.

Last 2 trips to the toilet didn't have anymore bleeding /spotting. 12dpo is too late for implantation bleed right? It was red too not brown. *sigh*. Here I go again getting my hopes up.

It's the not knowing that drives me insane. I literally feel insane with it today I can't get a grip.

Thanks for all your support, it's nice to have somewhere to vent where people don't say to me 'just relax it will happen '! !!!

Aww honey We are all here for you and know how hard it is,
not to get your hopes up But could it be IB? Really hope so my lovely
Keep us updated

xxxxxxx

 

[Louloubelle84]

Clover I always see your posts and you are so supportive of everyone, you are such a lovely person.

If (I know it's a big if) it us implantation would it show on a test in the morning do u think? I'm blatantly going to poas a when I get home anyway. Why break the habit of a life time! I should have shares in manufacturing hpts I would keep myself in business!!

 

[Louloubelle84]

Can I poas now?? I bought some tests at lunch. Lol x

 

[Crazycatwoman]

if it was a IB, test 48-72 hours.
Fingers crossed for you and lots of lots of hugs xxxxxx

 

[kaylaford]

I'm sorry that you're going out of your mind! It's my first month trying and I feel like I am so in tune with my body now it's nuts! I am sending you lots of baby dust!!!!!

 

[Louloubelle84]

Thanks ladies. I'm feeling a bit better now but I know it's because that earlier bleed has given me hope... does anyone know if IB causes backache???

I'm due on tomorrow so I'm praying the witch doesn't appear.

CCW I have seen some of your symptoms look promising? FX for you. And good luck Kayla would be lovely if you caught first time. Xx

 

[Louloubelle84]

Ffs more bleeding now. It's blatantly the witch playing tricks on me. I told my OH that I thought maybe I was pregnant and now not so I keep messing with his emotions too. The not knowing kills me . I know I'm out but my desperation is causing havoc with my sanity!! *sob sob*

 

[M1chelle]

It's still early Loulou. I believe IB can happen at a similar time to period. I hope that's all it is for you. I know exactly how you feel with obsessing over it despite trying to be sensible. Good luck hun xx

 

[Louloubelle84]

Thanks M1chelle but it's AF for me today altho it's light. I'm definitely out. I literally sobbed earlier about it. I genuinely believed this was our month. So heartbroken I'm starting to get really down about it.

Baby dust to you xxx

 

[M1chelle]

Sorry to hear that. Take some time for you and your fella now and good luck for next time xx

 

[Louloubelle84]

So now the bleeding / spotting g has stopped. So currently going through head I'm thinking is the stress of ttc causing g it to be delayed or am I preggers? The plot thickens as I did a hpt this morning and I'm pretty sure is bfn. Because I'm approx 14dpo it would surely be a clear line....

 

[Louloubelle84]

http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/attachment.php?attachmentid=57947&stc=1&d=1454232319

 

[Louloubelle84]

Tried to upload a pic....not sure if I have done it properly. And I desperately grasping at straws?

I do realise how desperate I sound. ..... lol. Xx

 

[M1chelle]

I can't see it Loulou