Looking for Guidance and Support

[determined79]

Hi All,
This is my first post so please forgive me if I breach any etiquette or get things wrong. I guess I just need to speak to someone who can give me some hope and understands how I feel.
I'm 37 and got married in December for the first time to a man I love with all my heart, the road hasn't been easy for us as we were both in long term relationships previously that didnt end on the best of terms. We talked about having a child together, a family after we got married and settled. Mt Husband has two 20 year old daughters from his previous relationship and we both wanted to have a child together. Not that I knew at the time, but when we got married at Christmas I was already pregnant, unfortunately the circumstances were not very good and I lost it at 6 weeks in January. I didn't realise until that point how much I wanted a family with my husband and how important it was to me. The months since January have been hard ones, regretting my decision and emotions all over the place. Immediately after the termination I started taking Diannette as instructed. In April we were in a much better and stable situation and we agreed that we would start trying for another baby on our honeymoon at the beginning of July. I came of the pill mid April and have kept note of my start dates which are averaging 29/30 day cycles. I started taking Folic Acid every day in June and was certain that I could work out Ovulation based on my cycle dates and if we had sex leading up to and throughout Ovulation times, I think I put too much hpoe that it would be perfect and I'd be pregnant on my honeymoon but my period arrived on the 20th - two days late and then one heavy -ish day of bleeding , finishing by Sunday (Which is unusual for me as I'm usually heavy for three days or so) I'm really scared that my termination has affected my chances and that my age is working against me - I feel like I missed my one and only chance and I'm so down about it. Can anyone offer any help or advise please?

 

[Pambi]

Just want to say you are in the right place. Try not to be hard on yourself, if it took you by surprise and the timing wasn't right, they are very valid reasons to do what you did.

It can take many months after coming off the pill for things to return to normal and its normal to take 6-12 months to TTC so it really is early days. There are also wonderful things they can do these days to boost your fertility if you are older.

We spend our teenage years being told that we sniff some semen we will get a positive pregnancy test but it really isn't like that for most people. There's a 20% chance each month that you are successful in pregnancy, even if everything is timed right. Have a nose around the forum and the stories here and you will know that its really not the case that it was your one and only chance.

 

[determined79]

Thankyou for your kind words. I imagine how it would have been by now, I am hoping people have some tips or advice as to how to try and improve my chances. I want to conceive naturally, and I guess as my husband has successfully fathered children before I feel like I'm the one with the pressure on. I don't really have much family left and I want to start my own and I just feel so impatient.

 

[Donna88]

As hard as it will be, try and not dwell on your termination... it will only add stress which won't be good for conceiving. Just keep trying, as said above it's not as easy as what people make out when we're younger. People can be trying for years with absolutely nothing wrong and still take that long for it to happen.

 

[determined79]

I know, I'm trying to move past it all now and be positive about the future. Its comforting to here that the termination wont have affected my chances

 

[Donna88]

Good luck
Just enjoy the time you and your partner have together for now and I'm sure you will conceive within no time.

I felt the same after going on the depo injection; I best myself up about it when it was taking forever to come out of my system... It did me no good xx

 

[Salley]

One termination won't botch your chances of getting pregnant again, it's when you have multiple or poor procedures that you'll potentially run into a problem. And even with those there's still a chance for pregnancy again. I do sympathize with you, it's not an easy decision to make and your thoughts and worries are perfectly natural. We're apparently not supposed to talk about these things on the forums because of the magnitude of women who are/have been trying to get pregnant. I suppose it can be insulting? I'd actually like to see a support section for it.. it's heart wrenching to make that choice when you want a baby. IMO it's far worse to bring a child into a world that's going to have dysfunction at home or wind up in foster care, but I'll step off my soap box.

Keep track of your cycle, use opks and try for at least 6 months--really should be a year if you're under 35. If you're still not getting pregnant talk to your obgyn about fertility testing to be sure you're OK to have another baby. Best of luck sweetheart. *hugs*

 

[determined79]

Thankyou so much Salley, I appreciate that it's a hard topic and I don't want to offend or upset anyone or really go into too much detail as it's hard to . Your words have given me comfort and helped me be more positive- I'm 37 so I guess I'll do all the right things for six months and cross my fingers. Onwards and upwards I hope X ��

 

[Salley]

Good luck!