Looking for advice on waiting. Any female scientists?

Discussion in 'Waiting to Try' started by Gcdv, Jun 11, 2016.

  1. Gcdv

    Gcdv New Member

    Jun 11, 2016
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    ​I'm a woman scientist and 25 y/o. I graduated from university in May and found a job developing vaccines from the government.

    While I'm entirely excited that my hard work has paid off I am entirely aware of the stigma in my field about getting pregnant. It's a "choose a career or a family, not both" sort of scenario. I just started my new job this month but me and my husband (28 y/o) have been wanting children for a while now. Any women in science/STEM here that could chime in for some advice?
  2. tinselcat

    tinselcat Well-Known Member

    Jan 18, 2011
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    Hi there

    Congrats on your job :) I'm not a research scientist but my degree was in computer science and I work in the male dominated field of computer programming. My field sounds more progressive than yours (ironically) because noone seems to bat an eyelid when I tell them I'm a mother. My workplace let me come back part-time (3 days/week), and I am in negotiation for a new job which will also be part-time (4 days/week).

    My advice:

    - getting pregnant may take 2 weeks or it may take 2 years (it took us 3.5 years but we were older than you guys)... so don't put your life on hold during TTC
    - someone has to blaze a trail to improve conditions for mothers in STEM/your industry & bring it up to date with the norm, perhaps that someone is you? after all, noone queries "oh, you're a father, you can't work here" right?!
    - if you're really good at your job then it may make it easier to return - so my advice while TTC / WTT is to become the best you can be in your field (I don't mean work long hours, but work out how to add the most value in the workplace)
    - you have 40 years of your life ahead of you to work, and only about 10-15 to sort out a family. I waited too long and ended up having to go down a painful IVF route. The family is a family.. the workplace will hire and fire as suits their needs (not yours). Love your family, not your job! xx

    Hope some of this is useful to you xx
  3. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

    Jul 14, 2012
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    Not a scientist but I am an older mum. Only you can decide what is right for you. We had our first when I was 33. We now have 2 beautiful children and I am 14 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. I will be 37 when this one is born. In many ways things have worked out well for us. On the negative side we have also suffered 2 heartbreaking losses which I feel are quite possibly to do with my age. After our 1st was born I was so in love that I suddenly wanted a big family. Although I haven't regretted the small age gaps it is hard work and I have felt the pressure of time running out to have more than one. It also makes me a little sad that this is likely our last. Although everyone has to stop somewhere if I were a little younger I would feel that I could give it a break and still go back to TTC in the future if we felt we wanted but going back to TTC at 40 or older has a much higher chance of infertility and MC so I think our TTC days are done.
    #3 BunnyN, Jun 16, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2016

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