Long post - but please give me advice!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by tinkerbell25, Dec 2, 2016.

  1. tinkerbell25

    tinkerbell25 New Member

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    This will possibly be a long post - but I am desperate for advice.

    So back in October 2013 I met a lovely man on a night out. We got talking and hit it off. We got to know each other and both of us felt each other was "the one". In the January (3 months after) I found out I was pregnant. We both put a lot of thought into what we were going to do, I could never of aborted my baby but I wanted to give him the choice of what road he wanted to take and didn't want to pressure him - we BOTH decided to go ahead and start a family. Over the next few months we got to know each other doing as much as a couple as possible then moved in together in June. Things were great, I was happy!

    So we had our baby in September - it was a long difficult labour ending in surgery. This is where the problems started. I was kept in the hospital for 2 nights, on the second day when he came in to see us I was sitting on the bed holding our son crying as I couldn't breastfeed, he just wouldn't latch. I decided to give him the bottle and OH comes in with an attitude not supporting me at all, I had to get the nurse in to explain to him what difficulties I had. He was so cold towards me! I couldn't understand why. So we take our son home and I was absolutely shattered from the labour and sleepless nights in the hospital, but instead of letting me had a few hours to catch up he sits me down and tells me he looked my name up on the internet and found a website I had been posting on (10 years prior!!!) and basically thought my whole pregnancy he had been asking me questions about things he had read and seeing if I would lie. He called me a slag, said I only went for people with boyfriends (I met someone on holiday who had a gf and didn't tell me!!) and he humiliated me making me get my laptop out in front of him and made me delete things I had written. He put me down constantly. I couldn't even go to bed without him asking me things. I was so put down with that and lack of sleep I ended up losing my hair and going to the "doing well" nurse at the doctors. I feel I missed out on my sons first 4 months of life because of it and I hold a MASSIVE grudge for that. Also 4 weeks after I had him he went on a night out and text another girl (who he had prior relations with) if she was out... yeah, thanks!

    So in the months going forward I open my laptop to see he's hacked it and looked at my history, he's checked my phone... and I have gave absolutely no reason to even make him think iv done anything considering we fell pregnant very fast! He was never really interested in our son for the first few months, I done everything!

    Fast forward a few months. We try work it out, although I am still really hurt about him texting the girl not long after the birth of our son, I try and get over everything and we are quite happy for a solid year, he's a good dad. January 2016 - find out I am pregnant! I am very happy, but a bit nervous. He tells me he will be there for appointments and make more of an effort to be involved in the pregnancy. The first 2 appointments (midwife and scan) he forgets. 2 days apart from eachother he forgets them both. I am obviously worrying at this point thinking am I going to go through this whole pregnancy and birth myself, again? And yes... he doesn't just forget the 1st two... he forgets a lot. He then decides he wants to go off and do a lot himself, he buggers off to barelona for 2 days leaving us himself.. the one day while 6 months pregnant - he asks how tired I am. I say pretty tired. So he says ok well im away out tonight. I ask him to please stay in (he had been away a lot at weekends and he works mon-fri) and at 7pm he walks down the stairs dressed up ready to go with me sitting on the sofa crying and our son crying clinging onto his leg...he just walks out the door not a second glance at either of us. This was the last straw for me... I went on the internet looking for another place to live. Emailed someone, viewed it and moved out within 2 weeks!

    So now I live 8 miles away with our 2 year old and now 6 week old daughter. Its been a long and hard road. We are still "trying" to make things work and I really want them to. But im struggling to be civil as i think me being alone and our family separating is his fault. Now i cry myself to sleep every night because i feel so alone and how i feel so bad for our son going from house to house - he should have a stable home.

    I want to have my family so much, but can i really forget everything that has happened???? :( :( :(
     
  2. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Hi God this sounds pretty awful and you have done well to stay so long. Personally I would have gave us a lot going time ago. He sounds ds so incredibly selfish and a complete wanker, sorry.
    Well done for moving out it was very brave of you and shoes you will not have him acting like this. Why could you not have kicked him out? I think I would have done that but obviously I don't know your reasons. Its definitely his fault for braking the family and it sounds like he has a massive commitment issue. Also he had the chance to change when you fell pregnant this time and didn't so I don't think he could change. I really feel for you but I'd get on with my life and leave him behind. What he did to do was awful trying to trick you ect.
    If you stay with him your crazy and your only end up getting hurt more. I don't mean that horribly but you know what his like and after everything id just want to be with my kids giving them a argument free zone to grow up in. You and the kids deserve so so much better and one day your meet someone who will treat you right. He does not deserve kids when acting like that x
     
  3. northerngirl

    northerngirl Well-Known Member

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    I really feel for you, what an awful time you're having. You're so incredibly brave though to deal with as much as you have, and to make the choiced you've made; it seems as though you're doing everything you can to put your family first to be honest.
    Your family is your children, they're the ones who will always be there with you, and will always love you regardless of anything else. You've done the hardest part by moving out, many women wouldn't have the strength to do that, but you've proven how strong and driven you can be when your children's happiness has been threatened. So their upbringing might be different to that of their friends, so what? Some children are brought up by the grandparents, some kids live with both parents who shout and scream at one another and treat each other badly.
    I know it's very easy to sit and write this, because I see how lonely you feel and it's awful. At times like this you need to lean on friends and family for support, do you have many close friends you can call for a chat?
    You won't be alone forever, that I can promise, he clearly has taken you all for granted, and there will be someone else who will come into your life and see the true value of the 3 of you.
    If you want to chat about it please message me, I know how it feels to be desperately lonely xx
     
  4. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Where abouts are you from, is there any baby groups you can go to? It will allow you to make new friends and get out more and hopefully that will help abit with the loneliness. You can definitely do this on your own you don't need him. As northern girl said you done the hardest thing x
     
  5. Ashbee

    Ashbee Well-Known Member

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    edit
     
    #5 Ashbee, Dec 3, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2016
  6. Dovekie

    Dovekie Well-Known Member

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    Has he given you any indication that he'd like to get back together and that he'll change? Personally, I don't think you'll ever forget what happened. He made your life a misery at what should have been a happy time for you both. I'd advise that you move on. Make a life with your kids. There's every chance you'll meet a lovely new guy in the future.
     
  7. bellecat

    bellecat Well-Known Member

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    You deserve so much better Tinkerbell xx
     

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