Little Liam: Our Story

Discussion in 'Parenting Journals' started by alwayscoffee, May 6, 2019.

  1. alwayscoffee

    alwayscoffee Well-Known Member

    Jan 8, 2018
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    My son was born 2/6/2019 and it has been a wild time since day one!

    My birth story was a little crazy and I've been meaning to write it, but I have had zero time until now. I am back at work and work can be boring so I finally have some peace and time to catch up.

    I was 38 weeks pregnant and my water broke around 1pm on February 6th. I had just woken up from a nap and my husband was playing video games. I went to the bathroom to pee and when I got up from the toilet to put my pants back on, this gush of fluid came out. Everywhere. It went onto the floor along with the rest of my mucus plug. I was in shock. I didn't think my water would break, although I prayed it would during pregnancy. I was the type of person who was scared I wouldn't know when my labor would began so this was a warm and welcome surprise!

    After that, I remember yelling to my husband, MY WATER BROKE! He was in shock and didn't believe me until he saw the puddle in the bathroom! My mom was thankfully visiting (I had always said that I thought my babe was going to be born around 38 weeks, so I told her to come visit early just in case!). My husband went to tell her while I walked around the house aimlessly with my mind running blank. I didn't know what to do at first. I remember getting in the shower to rinse off real fast since I had amniotic fluid dripping down my legs. My husband and my mom were in a daze too and I remember we all were in shock that it was actually here!

    We finally composed ourselves, got dressed, grabbed our packed hospital bags (we had 3!) and hurried up and got in the car. It was snowing and cold and the roads were a little icey. I called the hospital ahead of time and I remember sweating because I didn't know when I would start to feel the contractions.

    We got to the hospital and they put me in the triage room and hooked me up to the monitors. They checked to make sure it was amniotic fluid first before admitting me and said it was going to be a little bit of a wait because the rooms were all full! I guess everyone's water broke that day. We live in a small town so this was very shocking to know the rooms were full. It was scary to think I might have this baby in this awful, small triage room!

    I was barely over 1cm when we first got there and then within 2 hrs, I was 4cm. My contractions started around 4pm and at first I thought it was back pain from the hard bed I was on. Triage rooms have the worst beds by the way. It wasn't until they were consistent that I realized I was having back labor. Oh my gosh. Let me tell you, it hurt like a brat! Every 3 minutes and I remember telling my mom to please help me and that I couldn't do this! I moved onto an exercise ball while my mom rubbed my back during the contractions which helped a lot.

    I was offered an epidural during this time because the nurses could hear me moaning and for some dumb reason I had declined, which later I had asked myself why the heck did I do that?! I swear I wasn't in my right mind! 10 minutes later, I was begging for an epidural and the CRNA (anesthesiologist) was already in another procedure and couldn't come do it, so I had to go through contractions for an hour before he finally could!! During this time, I finally got into my own labor room and it was a nice, big comfy room. When I finally got the epidural it was a breeze and it took no longer than 5 minutes to put in. Or at least it felt like it. I didn't feel anything and it was a relief to not feel my back labor anymore.

    This is when things got tough. They had put in my catheter which was difficult to put in. The catheter bag had pee and blood in it and I remember the nurse kept saying "this is weird" and "hmm" and "this hasn't happened before" while she was putting the thing in. It was not very comforting to hear all that, but she did finally get it in the right position.

    From 6 to 10pm things were all a blur. Time flew by, but I don't remember much. They kept coming to check me and to see if I was dilating more. I was stuck at 5cm and not progressing any further. They said they didn't like the position of where the baby was (I guess he was face down and they want the baby to be face up or vice versa) so they tried to roll me onto my left side to move the baby. Well during this time, my sweet boy's heart rate dropped fast; it went below 80 and that's when I blacked out mentally. I was scared I was going to lose him. I remember them tossing me back and forth on the bed to get his heart rate back up and my husband and mom were quiet, they were scared too. They finally got his heart rate back up and we all settled. My mom and husband took a deep sigh of relief and I finally came back to reality.

    This is when the doctor came into the room and I had told him I'm done trying to do vaginal birth, I want a c-section NOW! (Preface: My chart was labeled as low threshold for vaginal birth because my hips were too narrow, but we wanted to try vaginal birth first to see if I could do it.) Since I was stuck at 5cm and my catheter had blood in it and my babies heart rate dropped, the doctor agreed it was time for a c-section. It was around 9:30pm and he said he would have the OR prepped in 30 minutes. My husband got prepped and I was laying in bed so nervous. I was scared and anxious. I started to get dizzy and I threw up.

    They rolled me back into the OR and my heart was racing. I knew I was going to meet my baby boy soon and I was scared as hell! The OR was cold and bright. There were 3 nurses, the doctor and the CRNA. I remember throwing up A LOT in a bag before we started. I was very numb from the breast down. My husband came into the OR and sat by me and held my hand and rubbed my head. The doctor said he was going to start with the first incision and I remember feeling scared that I would feel the cut. But I didn't. I felt the procedure, but there was no pain. I remember feeling some pressure when they got to the uterus. Lots of tugging and then bam, Liam was out! He was born at 10:27pm on 2/6/19 and weighed 7.2 pds and was 19.5 in long! No crying at first, but he was awake and pink. I didn't get to see him right away, but they all reassured me he was okay. Then I finally heard the crying and I told my husband to go check on him and be there for him.

    He went over with the nurses and got to cut his cord and he came back to check on me and I remember my husband's hospital mask being completely soaked in tears and he told me how perfect and beautiful our son looked. I remember someone bringing Liam over by me and putting his face against my cheek and I remember wanting to see his face, but I coudln't. Before I knew it, my husband and my baby left the room while they finished stitching me up. I kept asking how much longer it would be and they said 10 more minutes, but it felt like forever!

    Finally they were done stitching me up and they rolled me back into my labor room and my son was all swaddled warmly in a blanket and handed to me. I couldn't believe how perfect he was. He still had some blood on his face, but he was so sweet and quiet. His eyes were wide open. He was perfect. As I was holding him, I remember looking around the room and seeing tons of doctors and nurses. At the time, I didn't think anything of it. Supposedly, my heart rate and blood pressure were super high and everyone was monitoring me while I was in my own little zone staring at my new baby.

    I don't really remember much to be honest, but my vitals finally went down and everyone left. Later, my mom and husband told me they thought they were going to lose me. I had no idea. I was so happy and calm and at peace, I never even felt off. It's crazy to see how your body responds to stress.

    Thankfully, I was okay in the end. Due to what happened, the next 2 nights in the hospital were hell. My husband and I literally got no sleep. I'm dead serious. None. My vitals were being checked every hour and we never could fall asleep. I started becoming delirious and twitching because of the lack of sleep. The doctor discharged me on the 3rd day and we were so excited to go home finally!

    Since then, little Liam has been a tough one. For the first 6 weeks, my husband and I had to do shift work because he was awake every 1-2 hours to feed. He pooped every hour and it felt like my life was on a cyclical clock of feeding, changing poo diapers and rocking him to sleep hoping he would sleep longer than 20 mins a time. It was exhausting, it was hell, it was challenging and every day felt like a defeat. My marriage was tested. Liam cried a lot. He was very demanding and needy. My husband was a huge help though, I couldn't have done it without him. Work was 50/50. He changed diapers, shared the night shift with me, fed him, rocked him to sleep, etc.

    There was a week were Liam cried for 4 hrs straight at night. We both took turns holding him during that time and I remember shaking from stress. He wouldn't sleep anywhere, but our arms so this is why we had to take shifts watching him. He hated being swaddled. He hated pacifiers. He was diagnosed with colic after we took him to the doctor to see why he wouldn't stop crying. Our only peace was his car seat where he would fall asleep on the drive and we constantly took him for walks and would go out to restaurants a lot. The minute we would walk into the house after being outside, he would wake up and cry. We tried everything to help soothe him, nothing worked. After 6 weeks, we started to see some light and he started to sleep better and be better during the day. By 8 weeks, he was in his crib sleeping at least 3-6 hours at a time which was a blessing because this is when my husband went back to work. My husband is a firefighter and is gone 48 hours at a time. It is hard when he isn't around to help, but I get through it.

    Liam is 3 months old now and I'm so in love. He found his thumb, he smiles a ton, he is almost 14 pounds and wearing size 6 clothes. He can say "hi" and he is really trying to talk more. He fights naps. He loves his bath time. He loves staring at black and white things. He is the most sweetest, precious gift ever. Things have gotten A TON better, but there are challenging days still. I'm so thankful he sleeps better at night now. My marriage has grown and gotten stronger. It challenged us for sure, we were tired and stressed and with that, we fought.

    Liam is what I call a high needs baby. He has his witching hour after 3pm until bed time. Some days it is better, some days it is worse. I have to hold him and walk him around the house so he doesn't cry. I have walked tons of miles in my living room. I have cried a lot. I have prayed more. I have gotten stronger through out this all and it really has tested every inch of me. I'm stronger now as a mother than I ever was before. I don't think I will ever miss the newborn stage and I am probably the only mother that wishes time would go by faster. Only because I can't wait for him to play with toys and entertain himself better so I can catch a break. My body is sore, my heart is heavy a lot and my mental health has been strained. I beg for a glimmer of my old life back where I used to be able to sleep in and do things I wanted to do, hang out with friends, have time to do drink water, to eat more than a TV dinner every day, to be able to take a long hot shower and have time to tweeze my eyebrows. It's the little things, but I'm okay with it because I have this precious boy to stare at and who loves snuggling on my chest for hours during the day, who loves to giggle and smile at me, he depends on me and relies on me 100% and I love being his mom. I wouldn't change it for the world, no matter what hell he brings my way! ;-p

    I know things will get better one day, but for now I take it minute by minute. I will continue to post it here and share my story. I hope you enjoy it and if you made it this far already, kudos to you!! hehe
    #1 alwayscoffee, May 6, 2019
    Last edited: May 6, 2019
  2. alwayscoffee

    alwayscoffee Well-Known Member

    Jan 8, 2018
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    My little boy at 3 months.

    IVW and pupperino like this.
  3. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

    Aug 11, 2016
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    Congrats! He's such a cutie!

    Did you ever try changing his milk? My DD had a cows milk protein allergy so she would be colicky and poo her diapers every hour due to diarrhea. She would only sleep 2 hours in one go of which I would only sleep 1 max. Then wake up again and start the nightmare all over again.
    It was a real nightmare. The OH never helped with any night feedings, I was a walking zombie after 8 weeks of not getting any sleep. I stills don't remember all of the details of some events since I could barely function anymore.
    Someone had told me to go see an osteopath, I had never been to one in my life but I wanted to try anything since the doctors were no help. She quickly manipulated my DD so she would be free of blockages (I didn't believe any of it) and she then told me she would do an allergy test. I believed even less of what she was telling me. She would ask me to take a small bag of powdered milk and hold it against her hand while she was "feeling" her intestines. After the milk it was soy, gluten, etc. She then proclaimed my daughter had CMPA and that if I switched to a rice based formula, that she would start sleeping longer and feel better.
    Honestly I didn't think much of it and thought, why not? I was so tired, she would have suggested me to stand on my head while breastfeeding, I would have done it.
    Anyways, first thing I did was get that formula milk and gave her first bottle an hour later. She actually slept 4 hours in a row. 4 hours! I kept checking if she was still breathing! Then the next night she slept 5! I felt so rejuvenated! Still no 8 hours but wow! And at about 3 and a half months she started sleeping throught the night! I was becoming more human again.

    In any case, she had horrible ear infections every 4 weeks which did bring back the hourly wake ups when it would flare but she would still sleep like a baby on other days. Until after the 5th infection in 5 months, we decided to have tubes implanted in her eardrums. Best decision ever. She barely gets sick anymore and hasn't had an ear infection for over a year.

    I just wanted to say that, yes it's hard, it's hard on you, your relationship, your job, but it gets better. I promise. You are not alone. And get help when you feel like you can't anymore. You're only human hun!x
  4. MoominGirl

    MoominGirl Well-Known Member

    Dec 18, 2016
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    Becoming a parent really is hard!! Wonderful yes but seriously hard work both physically and emotionally. Our little man is nearly 6 months old now and so much of what you've said about the early weeks sounds all too familiar!! It's all so normal but at the time it feels like such a culture shock and I really do wish that new parents were offered a bit more preparation. Antenatal courses in my experience just focus on the positives and claim they don't want to scare people but every new parent I've spoken to would have much preferred realistic expectation as funnily enough everyone runs into most of the same issues.

    I don't know if you're breastfeeding but for me it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was so determined to do it and we did get there but as you say the sleep deprivation in the early weeks was actual hell. That tested my determination in ways I never thought possible!!

    I think the most important thing to remember is that it really does get better even if it doesn't feel like it at the time and nothing lasts forever. I just go with the flow now as what feels like an issue now will probably feel like a distant memory in a month's time! Always remember - you're doing an amazing job!!
  5. Unicorn

    Unicorn Well-Known Member

    Jul 15, 2015
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    Congratulations on your gorgeous little boy. I'd say 3-6 hours sleep in a go at 8 weeks is pretty good going! I hope the 4 month sleep regression is kind to you - that took us straight back to sleeping for no more than 40 mins at a time, with the development of sleep cycles xx

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