Letting your parents know?

[x_PlaceboDanii]

Im absolutely petrified of this!, ive always been pretty close to my parents especially my mum.

Everything between us started to deteriorate when i started trying for a baby with my fiance, she's always not been so keen on my fiance telling me i can do better, we've been together a year and a half and engaged for a year. Things went from bad to worse when i stopped taking my contraceptive pill and she found them and we had a massive fist fight. I then moved out and in with my fiance and things have been better between us since then. We hardly argue or have a cross word to say about one another.

But im just so scared about telling her im pregnant because she threatened my fiance when i moved out that if i got pregnant she'd make him 'pay big time', and I also fear for my safety!, im scared that if i met her face to face and told her im pregnant she'd take a swing at me again, like that time we had that massive fist fight.

My fiance is 25, and im 22 for people wanting to know . Im just terrified that they'll be so disappointed in me that they'll never want to see me again!

Am i being daft. How am i going to break it to them?..I was going to wait until my first scan and send them a picture of it and write on the back..Something like 'Hello grandma & Grandad'?

Anything helps in this situation

 

[LaurenMM]

Hope you dont mind me saying so hun but shes well out of order for butting in and physically assaulting and threatening you like that! Maybe take your fiancee with you? And just say to her you have some news but you wont tolerate being assaulted - verbally or physically! You're pregnant, you're vulnerable at the moment and you need rest and to be calm, not your own mother having a go at you You're an adult, shes got no right at all to be telling you what to do, actually you're exactly the same age as me and my OH is 24 - we've been married for a year on the 22nd Sorry if my advice is crappy hun Hope everything works out for you xxx


PS I'm a Placebo fan too x

 

[lewisca]

First things first Congrats !!!!

I know a lot of people who have waited to tell people personally I never have. Am guessing that your mum might not be as surprised as u think as she already know your not on any contraception. If your worried bout her reaction could u not meet in a cafe for coffee ? so there are other people around ? think it would b better to do it face to face. shows u dont regret your choices xxx hope this helps xx

 

[keepontrying]

WOW - it has to be said that from what you have said your mum really does not have the right to cast damnation on your man when she is behaving in that manner... i mean a fist fight? you gotta be kidding me? Thats unacceptable, immature, irrational, unstable and illegal!!!!!

Obviously you have not said whether your OH has given her any cause for such concerns, but regardless of this, thumping you is outrageous!

If you genuinely think she may well become violent again or threatening to your or your OH then you must not tell her in person. You two need to stick together and support each other against any reaction this provokes.
I would tell her over the phone, if she kicks off, stay calm and say that she is obviously upset and you will give her some time to come to terms with this and she can call you when that has happened. If she turns up screaming blue murder, call the police!

Sorry that this is marring your pregnancy experience xxxxx

 

[Bee7]

Wow, i'm really sorry to hear that this is causing you worry and stress. It should be a happy time, not one where you're scared, nervous and worried for your safety!

As the other girls have said, i find it pretty shocking that you're actually frightened that your mum will physically attack you. I've had some pretty big blowouts with my mum in the past, but i would never be fearful around her. She's my mum and i know she would never want to hurt me, no matter how angry she was.

You haven't mentioned why she dislikes your OH so much, does she have a good reason?

As the other girls have suggested, if you're genuinely worried and scared then do not tell her face to face. Ring her and tell her over the phone. That way you'll be able to judge her instant reaction but you also won't need to be afraid.

My mum was the first person i told about my pregnancy, even before my OH. And whilst she was shocked and not exactly overjoyed, she said/did everything she could to try and reassure me and calm me down. I feel so sad for you that you don't have this level of support off the one person you sometimes need it most from. I really hope your mum will surprise you and be supportive of this pregnancy, even if she's not exactly thrilled. Good luck hun xxx

 

[Tara1985]

I'd agree with all the ladies but like Bee7 my mum and I are very close so I can not understand why your mother would act this way. It is such a shame you are not sharing your joy with her and instead feeling scared. That is so so wrong. I'm just lost for words in regards to her violent nature.

If she agrees to meet you somewhere in town I would do what you suggested, over coffee or lunch and pass her your scan picture. If you physically can't say it to her, just pass her the photo and see her reaction. If her face screws up, walk away and don't even go into it. This is suppose to be a happy time for you. All the best hon xxx

 

[x_PlaceboDanii]

You haven't mentioned why she dislikes your OH so much, does she have a good reason?

Well, she didn't mind him at one point, i think she dislikes him because i met him online and she thinks that all people offline are creeps basically. I agree to some extent but ive definitely proved her wrong in this point.

And she also resents him because she thinks its his fault that i came off birth control, and really it was a joint decision

 

[Emily0505]

Awww sweetheart, what a horrible situation for you to be in. I am ttc and really worried about telling my parents when it happens, and I have no reason at all to feel like that, so it must be so hard for you. At the end of the day, you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions, it is just a shame that a situation that is supposed to be a happy event is causing you so all this anxiety.

I agree with all the advice that has been given already, but didn't want to rad and run.

When you do tell your parents, will you let us know how it goes?

xx

 

[Bee7]

Hmm i can understand her being cautious about meeting someone online, but unless he's actually ever treated you badly or done anything wrong then i think it's a pretty silly reason to have so much dislike for him. Meeting someone online can sometimes pose dangers and risks but you've obviously passed that stage and have now built a strong relationship out of it. She should be happy that's it worked out well.

 

[Geminiblue]

Id tell her on the phone I wouldnt be within striking distance...then let her deal with it in anyway that she sees fit and if it gets bad again get an injunction. I know youre close but this is your life, your relationship, your body, your baby. You are an adult not 12yrs old!!! mmm not sure if its more about her being in control than it is about him good luck hun and look after yourself xxx

 

[x_PlaceboDanii]

Awww sweetheart, what a horrible situation for you to be in. I am ttc and really worried about telling my parents when it happens, and I have no reason at all to feel like that, so it must be so hard for you. At the end of the day, you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions, it is just a shame that a situation that is supposed to be a happy event is causing you so all this anxiety.

I agree with all the advice that has been given already, but didn't want to rad and run.

When you do tell your parents, will you let us know how it goes?

xx

Thank you all so much for your input!, I will tell you all how it goes when i eventually do break the news to her that shes going to be a grandma. But im still waiting until after my first scan as i want to make sure everythings in order before i tell her

xxx

 

[Hunnie]

Im not very close with my dad and I dreaded telling him the big news as I he had always made comments that coming home pregnant was not an option. I told my mum straight away and we decided to tell my dad once I had had my first scan.

I told him by passing him the scan picture and he surprised me by actually being very happy and supportive, even though he had always been so serious and quite angry about it before that.

 

[steffy]

Heya hun - i feel exactly the same as you - infact things are so bad between me and my mother that we havent spoke for a year and a half - well she hasnt spoke to any of her family for that time!! But i now feel that once i get to 12 weeks that i need to tell her - so that she has the chance to be involved! I am pretty sure she wont care much, but i jus feel the need to give her a chance.
On the other side of things - we are close with my inlaws and told them when i got out of hospital - and my father in law got a bottle of champagne out which i did not expect at all! xx

 

[1986princess]

congrats on pregnancy and so sorry u have this pressure on you. perhaps go round and tell her with your oh and try to get her to come round to idea by sending her the scan pic and if things improve take her to scan etc. u are an adult and she should respect your decision as it is your life. x

 

[BabyBrain]

Got to step in here.....you might find that she is actually ok with it and will be an amazing grandma.
My nan was a complete bitch as a mother, held her kids over the gas stove if she wanted them to go to sleep and smashed a bottle of scotch in my dad's face when he was 13.......but she was a fantastic nan and I loved her very very much. Being a grandparent can really chill people out.
Make it clear to her that you have boundaries and that they will not be over stepped. This is your baby, your life and that's how it's going to be. You might be pleasantly surprised hunny. Good luck xxxxxxxxxxxx