Ladies who are pregnant from fertility treatment.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by Blueflower, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Hi! I wanted to start a thread for ladies who had IVF/IUI/clomid etc and are now pregnant. I found the Trying to conceive boards really helpful and still keep up with other ladies who have graduated from there or still TTC. Whilst its great to be in the same boat as others at the same stage as me there’s only 2 of us in January 2017 mummies who had IVF so there’s certain things that aren’t appropriate to mention there. Or no one knows what I’m talking about!

    So I thought it might be helpful to have a thread for ladies of any Trimester who have had fertility treatment, to share stuff.

    I think the main thing with me is that even though I have aches and annoyances, nothing is as stressful as failed treatment and even the stress of injections and appointments. I am so happy to be finally pregnant I don’t care about the small niggles! There are also issues with how much to tell friends and family, some guess we had treatment but its hard to know how much to say.

    Anyway, it would be lovely to chat to others in the same boat!
     
  2. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    Ohh me please! Mine is a clomid pregnancy, round 7. Totally undecided on whether to tell people.

    I also said I don't care how crap I feel I'll do anything to have a baby. I'm feeling a bit off (and really tired) but nothing too bad and certainly nothing to complain about.
     
  3. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    Ivf baby here as you know. I have felt like absolute poo but it'll all be worth it. I am debating if I will tell people it's an IVF pregnancy. Prob will I expect xx
     
  4. Loubalouba

    Loubalouba Well-Known Member

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    FET baby, feeling tired and nausea mainly, mostly just anxiety! For me telling people does not matter, I have told close friends and family because for me there will never be a safe time in this pregnancy so wether I tell them now or later it does not matter. I also really need the support! The fact that this is an IVF baby I am very proud of and would not hesitate to tell people that, I don't care what they may think anyone who is worth being in my life will be just happy for us however this baby came about and the fact that it is so close after losing Harrison, again same applies. I think I am too worried about losing this baby to really care what people think or say or do to be honest! my head is all over the place and I think close friends and family need to understand why, plus I am a talker if something is bothering me I need to talk about it!
     
  5. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Hi lovely ladies!
    My mum still doesn't know we used donor eggs. Wondering whether to tell her before or after they are born. DHs mum doesn't know either so I will see what he thinks. Friends seem a bit shocked when I tell them, as if it's a huge compromise but if I don't, they have the attitude of 'well you got there in the end'!
     
  6. Loubalouba

    Loubalouba Well-Known Member

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    I think if it were me I would be honest about it and probably tell them before they were born, well definately family and any close friends I felt were very supportive, go with what feels most comfortable? If you are still unsure then wait and tell them when it feels right, there is no rush and everyone is different so there is no right or wrong way, it's a very personal thing.. I always go with my gut, maybe not always sensible but I def yo with feelings over sensibility! Xxx
     
  7. Browneyed Girl

    Browneyed Girl Well-Known Member

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    Hi, my current pregnancy is natural but as you know my 14 month old is an ivf baby and I've been pretty open with people about that. I kind of think it's important to be open about fertility issues to try and break the taboo iykwim?

    Re donor eggs, are you going to tell the twins? If you're not then I wouldn't tell anyone as you can't control the information once it's released. If you're going to tell them then other family members are likely to find out but it's your choice whether to tell them from the off xx


     
  8. Loubalouba

    Loubalouba Well-Known Member

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    Good points Hun :) I also feel strongly about breaking the silence on baby loss and fertility issues, esp after harrison x
     
  9. MelC2011

    MelC2011 Well-Known Member

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    Our gorgeous boy as you know is an ivf baby.

    I've been pretty open with people about our journey and how we conceived. I personally have nothing to hide and people just seem a little shocked at how long we'd actually been trying.

    It just goes to show how many couple actually struggle to conceive naturally.

    If u were you I'd probably tell about the donor eggs ... to close family anyway.

    How are all you lovelies feeling? xx
     
  10. Jasmine111

    Jasmine111 Well-Known Member

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    We have only told family we had ivf, I'm quite a private person and didn't want everybody knowing. It's my due date today :) xx
     
  11. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Everyone knows about the IVF and some people know about the donor eggs. We will definitely tell the twins they are from donor eggs, I already have a book on my Amazon wish list for them and plan to talk about it with them right from the start so it doesn't come as a surprise when they begin to understand what it means. I plan to leave the book lying around so family see it but just wondered whether to say anything if it comes up before.

    We've had a few comments like "I wonder who they will look like" and my Dad actually said they are bendy like me and went on to mention inheriting the mother's genes so I told him they won't have my DNA because of the type of IVF we had, he changed the subject straight away! I think my mum will be shocked as its not what she expected but I am adopted so she will have some empathy I expect. I've always known I'm adopted so I think its very important to be open.

    I work indirectly with young people who have been in Care and at the other end of the Service they deal with children in Care and they have terms they use to discuss different types of families: a tummy mummy is a birth mother, a Foster mummy is what it is (!) and then a Forever Mummy is an Adoptive mother. Our boys will have me as their tummy and forever mummy but will also have an Egg Mummy. :bump: :egg::egg:
     
  12. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    Blueflower I would be really tempted to wait and see how many people tell you they look like you!

    We have told virtually noone about our treatment. I think my FIL has guessed and one of my husbands friends actually asked him if we wanted children or were having troubles as we had been married for so long with no children, so he knows too. We were referred at the same time as one of my husbands other friends, so he also knows we were referred and has presumably guessed things aren't going well for us as they now have a nearly two year old. Noone in my family knows. One of my friends sort of knows we have been having treatment. That is all I can think of who know.

    Only my in laws, sister in law and the guy we work with know about some of our losses. Mainly as I needed time off work. My sister in law found out when we were having trouble with my FIL and he told her (he is an alcoholic) otherwise we wouldn't have told her.

    I'm quite quiet and I don't really have many close friends. I've also started being with a new friendship group and it has been a bit early to tell them. My family isn't close either. It has been hard in some respects but I'm not sure if I would do things differently or not.

    It is lovely to see so many ladies in here after treatment :)
     
  13. FBTTN8079

    FBTTN8079 Well-Known Member

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    We didn't tell anyone apart from our parents while we were out having our treatment only because the first IVF our friends & family knew and there was a lot of pressure !

    We told close family early on after our first 6 week scan as in brothers & sisters & then family & friends after our 12 week scan. We still haven't put an announcement on FB as everyone close to us knows & we'll do a birth announcement once the twins are here

    The first 2 years of our journey we kept to ourselves & I really struggled but once we were more open we found it really helped as did hubby & everyone knows about our IVF & I'm open about how we got here and I'm glad as so many people go through it on their own & ive found when talking about it that it's not uncommon & people became more open with their own journeys and it helps them talk about them . X
     
  14. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    I have been the same Sarah. I kept IVF 1 quiet. Didn't tell anyone apart from our parents and my OHS sister. I didn't actually want her to know but they tell eachother everything annoyingly so knew she'd find out. This time I told my sister and a cousin who I am very close to and it has been nice to be more open about it.
    Not many know I am pregnant and I am currently in hiding due to the hypermensis and the fact that my belly has popped and need to wear very loose clothes to hide it. I think people would guess solely on the fact I am wearing different style of clothes xx
     
  15. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    Has anyone found that antenatal staff don't know much about ivf? My midwife is lovely but called the embryo transfer egg transfer and my consultant is also lovely but seemed surprised we had IVF when we had no actual issues apart from lack of success naturally!
     
    #15 Blueflower, Oct 22, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016
  16. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    It took my midwife a while to find the right boxes to tick at my booking in. I suppose it isn't that common compared with most of the pregnancies they have through the doors. I would be interested to know if there are any statistics for percentages of babies born in the UK through treatment, anyone come across any? I mean as compared to all births, not the percentage of successful treatment.
     
  17. Eryinera

    Eryinera Well-Known Member

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    I don't know the exact figures snowbee but I did find this
    In 1992 there were 14,057 ladies having ivf/iui treatments
    In 2007 there were 36,648 ladies
    In 2012 there were 49,687 ladies
    In 2013 there were 52,015 ladies

    So still a fairly small amount considering the UK population
     
  18. Blueflower

    Blueflower Well-Known Member

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    I ended up telling someone I'd just met today that we had fertility treatment! A new colleague asked when I was due so I said 6th January but its twins so will be earlier. She then asked if twins run in the family. I couldn't think of another reply so said we had fertility treatment. Has anyone got any better replies to say to people I don't know very well?!
     
  19. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    I think its ok to say you had fertility treatment but if you're not comfortable with that then could just say no they don't run in the family but we got lucky etc xx
     
  20. FBTTN8079

    FBTTN8079 Well-Known Member

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    I've found the same as it's such a common question, with complete strangers I literally just say no they don't, but when friends or people I work with or the people at NCT or even patients have asked I have said that it's fertility treatment a lot of the time they say that they have someone / know someone who's had or going through treatment & it's a positive thing but they ask it more often than not don't they ! X
     

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