just wondering ....

[samanthajayne]

what do you do with your babies all day .....

i'm just wondering what you all do to pass the day and entertain your lo's. we don't always go out everyday so a few days a week we are just in the house. he sleeps not too bad from between half 8 and half 9 till about 8-9 in the morning but no he doesn't sleep through yet. i will wake him between 12 and 1 depending when i go to bed for a feed and then he will wake up himself around 5 or 6 sometimes even 7 for a feed then will sleep another hour or 2 before wanting to start the day. compared to some of you i guess this is pretty good. this morning was quite bad he woke up at half 6 and he had wind but wouldn't bring it up and didn't go back to sleep till gone half 7 till 9 after half an hour of hiccups. so after he has woken up i will bring him downstairs and sit him up in his pram where he will happily giggle to himself for a little while which gives me a little time to make his bottles for the day. he will then get a bit cranky and want a feed so i'll feed him and wind him and then play with him with some of his toys. around half 10 its dressed time followed with a bit more play then a cat nap around half 11. when he awakes he will normally want a feed as he feeds roughly every 3 hours which i think is right for his age i hope so anyway. so by this time its around half 12 - 1 ish. on the days we go out we would go out around this time and that passes away a few hours then when i get home i'll then normally take him to his dads for the evening where i will then feed him when i get there and we will either go out or stay in where i try and play with him and entertain him some more till around 8 and i will get him ready for sleep change his clothes and probably feed him again and then take him for a walk which normally sends him off to sleep. he is always asleep no later than 9 sometimes it takes 2 or 3 walks to send him to sleep. if we don't walk him he will just scream and scream and he needs a bit of encouragement to drift off to sleep. i will then let him sleep in his buggy till i leave to go home around 11-12. then its home feed wind nappy change then in his crib and he goes straight back off to sleep. i am thinking of a travel cot though for him to sleep in at my bf's. seems a bit cruel making him sleep in his buggy but he seems happy to do that for the moment. so on the days we don't go out i will try entertain him with his toys all day till he needs a nap he will have an afternoon nap between 3 and 4 and then a matter of keeping him happy and amused till bath time around 7 and maybe a walk later on all wrapped up warm of course if he really won't settle and then still wake him at around 12-1 for a feed then back down til he wakes up again. sometimes its just really hard to keep him amused cos he seems to get bored very easily with his toys, play gym, swinging chair and door bouncer. on a good day we go in the garden. its only 1 or 2 days a week we don't go out anywhere but its tireing keeping him amused. i don't always get much sleep either as when he goes to sleep at my bf's my bf is quite selfish and thinks i should be spending the quiet time with him and not asleep. he just doesn't understand how hard it is at times. i had to stay over at his once and he was that tired he had to have the day off work and that was just getting up twice in the night to help with the night feeds when he was smaller. what a whimp he is couldn't even manage it for 1 night. my mum is great though she lets me have 3 nights a week off where i go to a friends and catch up on sleep if i need to or just have some me time. i live with my mum and dad and she helps loads but most of the time i still feel like its too much to cope with so i go to my bf's when i can for as long as i can so she can have some time off from being around a baby. sometimes its so hard to please everyone and still function. there have been days when we've been out all afternoon and all i want to do is curl up on the sofa and watch tv but no can't do that i then have to go back out to my bf's so my mum has the house to herself with my dad. so i get to my bf's nackered and he doesn't really help much i still have to feed him play with him etc while he does whatever. occasionally he will talk to him and have a little play but thats it. god sometimes i wonder why it was a good idea having a baby with him. i could never live with him he drives me crazy anyway i'm kinda just moaning now. could you tell me if the things i am doing are ok and what else i could possibly do to entertain him. sometimes he is happy amusing himself with rattles etc in his pram but i feel mean leaving him to do that. guess you could say i'm really not adjusting too well to life with a baby and just don't know what to do for the best. there have been times where i just want him gone but i know i'd be so hurt if i did give him up. i'm just very tired and confused at the moment. thankyou for reading and for any replies in advance as i may not be able to check back for a while. i'm so surprised i have even found the time to put a post up on here.

 

[LisaJ1986]

First off
Second i think sleep is making you feel like this. You know deep down you won't give him up as you may regret it.
Your OH needs kicking into touch! Get him to have LO while you have a rest or nip to a friends! Booking a day off work is a ridiculous thing to do after 1 night!!! He needs to do his fair share.
I'm afraid i also have a demanding child so i have to play with her pretty regularly too. Have you tried mother and baby groups? That can give you a couple of hours out for your kid to play.

 

[samanthajayne]

thankyou and i'm definantly going to mother and baby group but i was told to wait till he is crawling first. i can't believe the effect lack of sleep causes its awful but i was very lazy before having my baby used to having 11 hours a night sometimes so its quite a big change and very depressing at times. i am adjusting slowly but still gets to me at times and having a bf that won't help doesn't help. i thought having a baby with him would be great as he already has a son but i only recently found out he knows nothing because his girlfriend at the time did everything and he wasn't asked to help or shown anything. i thought he would know more than me but it turns out i know more and i have had no experience with babies at all until having my own.

 

[LisaJ1986]

Having a baby is a real shock to the system. I thought i was one of the most maternal people but turns out i'm useless. Even more so after a terrible night!
Give him an ultimatum! He needs to get his arse into gear or your gonna get fed up eventually!

 

[CoreysMummy]

The lack of sleep thing is torture!! Theres no getting used to that... its horrid.

You do need to get the BF to do slightly more, Day off after ONE NIGHT!? Is he taking the piss or what. What about you, up twice a night, and still works all day with the baby, theres no calling in sick there. Some men make me so !!!

's to you hun, its hard work being a mum, I dont think anyone appreciates how hard it is except us mothers

 

[Sherlock]

Firstly things like mother and baby groups would be a good place to start. Also when you say about your LO playing with toys and so on are you interacting with him when he plays or leaving him to it? I tend to let my LO do his own thing but then also have very definate times when we play and interact together. Reading and looking at books, singing, nappy off time which we make a game of for half an hour just me tickling him and pretending to nibble his neck and so on. Tummy time is good for a few minutes at a time. Build that up gradually.

I also sit with Galen and help support him (been doing this since he was 3 months) and we get toys out and play with them together. I make sure we go out for a walk every day, at least for half an hour. Often I'll do 3 or 4 other short wanders round the farm and we look at the animals.

Your LO will be happy interacting with you, playing, hearing you talk, laugh, sing, seeing you smile, blow raspberries, play peekaboo, all those things and more. I think as you find your feet you'll find yourself doing more with your son. It often isn't about the toys and things but about interacting with you and other people. Just being out and about, watching, listening, taking it all in is good for a baby. I talk constantly to Galen. The only time I don't is when he is doing his own thing and I'm not involved at all. Then I leave him to it. But otherwise I talk and he responds and takes it all in.

Your evening arrangement taking him to your OH's doesn't sound great tbh. As an occasional thing I'd do something like that but I'd not want to do that on a regular basis. It means your LO has to be settled off to sleep, to then be taken home and woken to feed etc all over again seems a bit much to me. I'd be wanting to try to encourage a good long sleep by this point and having a regular evening pattern that LO can recognise and settle in to. Bathtime, feed, bed and hopefully starting to be able to sleep through. Having to walk your son to get him off to sleep so late at night is not ideal and with winter coming I'd not be wanting to do that. I'd be looking to trying to solve that one and find another way to help him settle. Again I think that is better done at home in his own bed rather than a pram somewhere else.

You also sound like you have a great Mum supporting you and giving you plenty of time off from baby. I'd be looking to find something that suits you and your baby rather than worrying about trying to please everyone else. If your BF doesn't really do much with your son on all the evenings you spend there I'd maybe ditch going over there with your son and see him on weekends during the day instead. That way he can spend more time actually doing things with him rather than your son needing to sleep and having the difficult times spent settling him there. It would also enable you to start encouraging your son to be going to bed sooner on a regular basis at home. Then once is used to that it would mean your evenings were you time while LO sleeps. Rather than him being awake till 9pm ish and beyond and then again later when you get home. If he is going to bed around 7pm and then maybe needing a feed at around 11pm you'd have a good chunk of time to yourself to relax at home. If you are home more in the evenings it doesn't mean your Mum has to look after your son if he is in bed. That way you don't have to worry about her doing too much. And you get your me time also then.

I think if you really look at your situation you can find ways to improve it for your baby and yourself. Having a baby is a big change of lifestyle and one we cannot walk in and out of as we please. We are there through it all. Its tiring but also rewarding. While babies can fit into our lives to a certain extent often we have to be prepared to make huge adjustments to our lives and accept that our free time is probably going to be limited for the foreseeable future. And at a certain point you cannot expect a growing child to keep fitting in round how you are living your life if it means continually being moved around and not having more continuity in some areas. Call me old fashoined but I do believe children need continuity of care in their younger years. If only to help them learn how to function through day and night and sleeping patterns and so on.

I'm sorry you are finding out only now that your BF isn't the most experienced Dad. But it also sounds to me that he doesn't really have an interest in doing more with you and his son atm. He has it pretty easy if you are not living together as a couple and at least sharing more in things, even if you were still your sons primary carer. But then you say you don't want to live with him, so your arrangement must suit you both. I guess its a case of making the best of it, but I'd be wanting to have more structure as LO gets older.

I'd really have a rethink on your evenings and if you do something about them it may actually give you more time to yourself then. And your BF could certainly come visit you in the evenings a few times a week. And then as I said, weekends could be your family days where you can encourage your BF to be more hands on and play an active part.