just feel nothing :(

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by prettypenguin, Jan 5, 2012.

  1. prettypenguin

    prettypenguin Well-Known Member

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    I feel really bad for my oh... he really is an amazing boyfriend and dad but since Charlie was born I feel like my feelings are deteriorating the longer we go on. I feel bad because I read about some of the dads on here and how lucky I am to have my boyfriend in our house, he works so hard and is even fne with me being a stay at home mum until Charlie goes to nursery, if I have issues with anyone or anything the tries his best to sort it, basically bends over backwards to make me happy. The main issue I have is when he tries to get intimate with me, I just completely shut down and don't want him anywhere near me. Throughout all of my pregnancy we had sex a handful of times, the first and second trimesters we were scared of harming Charlie as we'd had complications, and then towards the end we (mainly him) just felt uncomfortable feeling the baby move and I felt heavy. After C was born I was a bit horrified at my body and in pain with stitches etc, now things are back to normal I've no excuse bar that I'm not back on any contraception. Its not just sex, its even kissing, its like I cant be bothered or I just get annoyed and sometimes even angry with him if he tried to be passionate. I feel so awful because he can see it on my face and I really want things to work so badly. We've been out twice without C for a meal and the cinema and it feels nice but then I get back home and the next day same old... he gets back from work and I barely see him we'll eat together then I'll just potter around the house cleaning to avoid him mainly as I can't bear to keep going round in circles :(


    Sorry about the super long post xx
     
  2. Kayelle

    Kayelle Well-Known Member

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    Aw bless you can't be easy feeling like that. You havnt mentioned him being annoyed or saying anything about the situation so he seems like he would understand if you talk to him about it, and even if you spoke to a doctor / midwife as its only been 2 months since Lo arrived and pregnancy is a big thing to go through.
    Maybe you are not wanting to kiss as you think subcontiously it will lead to sex so you avoid it?
    Hope everything works out ok for you x x
     
  3. prettypenguin

    prettypenguin Well-Known Member

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    Hi thank you for replying :)

    We've both had tiny discussions about it but nothibg really comes of it, that's exactly why I won't give him more than a peck it's like I can't bear the thought of sex, I'm suprised I was ever pregnant! He never really gets annoyed he's just more sad but keeping everything to himself which makes me feel even worse. I have gotten a bit more moodier since C arrived, hardly ever with C more with him and the dog even though they don't do anything wrong, I just feel more irritated...I can't even really blame sleepless nights as C sleeps through for 6/7 hours. (Apart from the past three nights cause of the bloody wind lol) xx
     
  4. Franna75

    Franna75 Well-Known Member

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    You poor thing (hug) - well done for having the courage to share your feelings on here. There could be many reasons why you're feeling like that, the dreaded hormones probably being a big contender and the fact that you have a new man in your life ;)

    I think it would be a good idea to talk to your HV. I'm sure it's common for women to feel this against their OH and vice versa at such an emotional and changing time. I had some great support from my Local Authority during and after my pregnancy.

    He's probably just getting on your nerves a bit as you're not used to spending so much time together on such a big project :) Also, you probably don't want anything going near down there for a long while yet!! I don't want anyone anywhere near it!!
     
  5. Hayley1608

    Hayley1608 Well-Known Member

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    Pregnancy and birth is such a massive thing, there are so many reasons why you could be feeling the way you do but its he hardest thing to pin point exactly what the reason is. That's how I felt anyway when me and my dh were in a similar situation. He never did anything wrong either... Perfect husband, dad and was basically doing all the right things but for a while I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I still don't know what the reason was. I'm still attracted to him and it wasn't anything personal against him but like you I tried to avoid it. If we did hve sex i even felt guilty afterwards and I have no idea why... It was almost Luke u was disgusted with myself because I'm so used to beibg in mummy mode and not even thinking about sex or anything else apart from Savannah.

    Believe me with time it gets better. Savannah is 20 weeks now and im only just starting to feel like a person again as well as a mum and now I'm quite happy to be intimate with dh... In fact I can't wait for it now!

    I hope you find your answer... I know for me personally there never was an answer apart from time.

    Hope sharing helped!

    Hayley x
     
  6. prettypenguin

    prettypenguin Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much :) its weird, when C was first born I didnt get that immediate feeling that I was a mum, even when he was born and they placed him on me I just felt suprised at how big he was, and I was scared to do everything like nappies and baths and just kept feeling like I was just babysitting him and someone would be coming to take over soon. Then I had this massive obsession with germs and kept the dog out of the room all the time because she was 'dirty' (she's a shi tzu, doesnt malt and has short fur?!) And hated people holding him wondering where their hands have been and hate people touching his face...I'm still a bit like that now but I'm not as obvious about it when people come round...

    and now I do feel like a mum, have those feelings when watching your baby and you want to cry at how much you love them, I even well up thinking how time is passing too quickly and how quickly he is growing up even though I spend all my time with him(literally, I don't have any friends!! Lol) but I guess I still don't know how to be me and mummy at the same time, a bit like I've lost who I am. When we go on dates without Charlie I can start to be me but then when we get home its different.

    And I absolutely know what you mean, I feel disgusted about having sex when I'm a mum, I suppose it doesnt help when C still sleeps in our room, and up until a week ago he slept in a snuggie bed in our bed between us...
     
  7. Constantstar

    Constantstar Well-Known Member

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    Omg I could of written this
    Myself! Same here :/ x
     
  8. Rachaellius

    Rachaellius Well-Known Member

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    Ditto, I'm actually shocked to read this because I feel EXACTLY the same! OH tries to kiss me all the time and it just annoys me! I really feel like I'm not happy with him anymore, but I can't decide whether they're my actual feelings or whether it's just hormones. It's all rather confusing :/ xxx
     
  9. Constantstar

    Constantstar Well-Known Member

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    I love him to pieces but since owen was born its been all about Owen. Ive not been interested in the touchy feeling loving side at all. I dunno why?!I'm home I look after baby, I work cook clean it's like I can't be bothered with that stuff .
     
  10. Kayelle

    Kayelle Well-Known Member

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    Hey ladies at least it seems normal if you are all feeling the same! Just hormones and massive physical and emotional changes. Whatever happens hope you all find a solution to be happy :)
     
  11. Jones

    Jones Well-Known Member

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    is it normal to have these feelings when ur baba is nbearly 10 months old.....ahh im in a similar situation and going back to thoughts of first crush and what could have been? ahhhh!!!!! hate it
     

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