Just because I put a brave face on over Christmas ......

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by reallyoldmum, Dec 28, 2007.

  1. reallyoldmum

    reallyoldmum Well-Known Member

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    Everyone thinks I have stopped hurting - my pains seem worse today and Dave is back in work (not that that is a bad thing) but its like it has never happened...... I still dont know whether I will need surgery but they are all going on like the past 12 weeks meant nothing and I'm hurting so badly - I just want to stop the world and get off.....

    Josh is 18 tomorrow and then its New Years Eve - everyone is expecting me to put on my glad rags and celebrate the new year - to be honest I want what I lost in this one......

    I know its probably my hormones but the past few days I dont know if I even like Dave let alone love him.... he just talks about the next time, I dont even know if I want to try again - the thought that there is still part of our baby in my stomach makes me feel awful and he is talking about getting pregnant again - its as if this wasnt real and it was.

    Anyway sorry ladies - it looks as if we are all having a rough couple of days :( and I am sorry to wallow but if I dont get it out somewhere I think I will explode and say things that I wont be able to take back..... :oops:
     
  2. sarah113

    sarah113 Well-Known Member

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    If i was you hun id let them know how you feel and that you are still hurting, im not sure really what to say but wanted to give you these aswell :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
    take care hun
    sarah
     
  3. CB23

    CB23 Well-Known Member

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    oh rom :hug: :hug: I don't know what to say except I know it has been such a rough time and I wish I could make it better for you.

    Maybe if you explain to Dave that you don't feel up to going out on NYE and have a quiet night in together just the two of you? And a chance to talk if you feel up to it? Or maybe write him a little note explaining and see if you feel like giving it to him?
     
  4. tracey 2

    tracey 2 Well-Known Member

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    hun, im sorry wish there was something i could say that would help, but please do let it out as much as possible if you want to sream, shout,cry then do it if it helps you are entitled to.

    im sorry you dont seem to be getting on to well with OH he is hurting as well but obviously i dont know your OH but with steve he used to kinda pretend all was ok and be strong but now we talk more and we leave each other notes if we cant tell each other how we are feeling and he is showing more emotion.

    im always here for you hun as well anytime you want to talk or if i can do anything just PM anytime xx :hug: :hug:
     
  5. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    i agree with CB23, perhaps hav a quiet nite in with dave?
    :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  6. reallyoldmum

    reallyoldmum Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies - after tomorrow and Josh's birthday Hannah goes back to uni so we will have a quieter time before New Years Eve - I have decided I will talk to him but I want to pick my moment when we have some time to ourselves.

    It really helps to have you lot out there knowing what I am going through :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  7. Kittykins

    Kittykins Well-Known Member

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    hey ROM :hug:

    From what you've said about Dave in the past, my guess is that he's trying to comfort you with talk about 'next time'. Sounds like that's his way of showing that he's with you, supporting you, and optimistic for you both - trying to give you something to hope for. Try not to think negative thoughts - read back through the chart stalkers thread and you'll see from your own posts just how much he loves you and wants to be there for you - the Christmas tree, for example!

    Of course, it's not in him, and he may have accepted the doctor's words and processed them mentally, forgetting that you're still waiting with the foetal sac inside you. He must be hurting too - all the more because he's obviously a lovely, generous bloke who's doing all he can for you, and there's absolutely nothing he can do about this.

    Make a list of all the ways he's supported you and things he's done for you (directly and indirectly) in the past 12 weeks, and then read it through. After that, sit down and talk to him - I'm willing to bet you'll have a more constructive conversation. Dave's obviously desperate to help in any way he can, and talking about the next time is clearly the only thing he thinks might help - so you'll need to tell him what would help more. Maybe explain to him how you feel about having that sac inside you - I think most men just can't comprehend that. It's external to them, and they sometimes can't make the link that it's not external to us...

    Hope you get things sorted, but please don't push Dave away for your own sake - you both need each other at the moment and it does sound to me like he's doing his best, albeit in a rather clumsy manner! :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  8. Suzie and Faith

    Suzie and Faith Well-Known Member

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    :hug: :hug: So sorry you're having a rough time. All the posters above are right, don't keep your feelings in.
    I'm sure your OH is trying to make you feel better, men have a funny way of seeing/doing things but I'm sure he only means well.

    Take some time out, pamper yourself.

    and get lots of HUGS!
     
  9. Slinky Sarah

    Slinky Sarah Well-Known Member

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    im so sorry for your loss....Im exactly the same at the moment. I find it hard to talk to OH cos it wasnt his baby but he was there throughout all the loss. I find it so hard to talk to him about it even though he is encouraging me to.
    This time of year makes everything alot harder...xmas day especially.
    New years day is gonna be hard too....i should be 32 weeks pg and its my birthday, insted iv just got my birthday.
    Id talk to him and just let it all out about how your feeling and have a quite night in...i think thats what we have planned too.
    Here if you need a talk hun xxxx :hug: :hug: :hug:
     

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