Job description for parents

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Minxy, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. Minxy

    Minxy Well-Known Member

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    PARENT - Job Description

    POSITION :
    Mum, Mummy, Mam, Mother, Ma, Mom
    Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

    JOB DESCRIPTION :

    Long term, team players needed, for challenging
    permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
    Candidates must possess excellent communication
    and organizational skills and be willing to work
    variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
    and frequent 24 hour shifts on-call.
    Some overnight travel required, including trips to
    primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and

    endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
    Travel expenses not reimbursed.
    Extensive courier duties also required.

    RESPONSIBILITIES :

    For the rest of your life.
    Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
    until someone needs £5.
    Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
    Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
    and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
    in case, this time, the screams from
    the back garden are not someone just crying wolf.
    Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
    such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
    and stuck zippers.
    Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
    coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
    Must have ability to plan and organise social gatherings
    for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
    Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
    an embarrassment the next.
    Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
    half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
    Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
    Must assume final, complete accountability for
    the quality of the end product.
    Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
    janitorial work throughout the facility.

    POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

    None.
    Your job is to remain in the same position for years,

    without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
    so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

    PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

    None required unfortunately.
    On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

    WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

    Get this! You pay them!
    Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
    A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
    of the assumption that University will help them
    become financially independent.
    When you die, you give them whatever is left.
    The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
    you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

    BENEFITS :

    While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
    no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
    no stock options are offered;
    this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth
    and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
     
  2. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: This is my life...

    Especially the coordinating the production of multiple homework projects :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
     
  3. sarah113

    sarah113 Well-Known Member

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  4. Beany

    Beany Well-Known Member

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    :rotfl:

    Brilliant - tis all true!
     

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