ive finnaly done it

well i can now say it IVE STOPPED SMOKING woooooooo hoooooooo
ok well i was smoking 20-25 a day before i got pg then when i found out that i was pregnant i tried so hard to stop but i cut right down to just 3 a day, ok it was really hard and took me months to do it so friday the 10th of march at 8 am was the last time i had a ciggy i havent had one since so im chuffed to bits. I do still get the urge to have one but i just reach for the green extra chewing gum (im more addicted to that now) and im fine.

so if i can do it anyone can

love n hugs

Jean

xxxxx

 

awwww thankyou all

i did give up for 2 years when i found out i was pg with adele and it was one night at a stupid party that got me started again and with money stress and all the usual ok i know smoking DOES NOT help as we were just burning money we didnt have but im so glad that ive finnaly managed to do it and shocked that my partner has too, feels a bit strange at the moment as i can still smell it in some places round the house he said its just me but ive been scrubbing everything washed all our clothes, i mean everything....lol ive used about 8 tubs of shake n vac over the past week but i can still smell it not strong just get the odd smell or is it just me and my pregnancy thats making me smell it alot more or is it me making excuses to clean.....lol


thanx again and well done to all of you too for kicking the bad habbit

xxxxxxx

 

its so annoying its bad cos i could smell it on adele and had her in the bath 4 times in one day she wasnt happy about it but at least i can say i have a clean daughter....lol

hopefully it will go away cos its making me feel sick but my OH says its all in my head

 

i know its no excuse but ive been feeling a little down for the past week and im so ashamed to admit it but ive turned back to the ciggies just feel like me and the OH have no relationship now its prob just me but he comes home for lunch eats lunch at the pc goes to bed for a kip gets back up and goes back to work. He comes in between 6-7 has dinner while sitting at the pc and thats him till at least midnight while im getting kids to bed doing dishes ironing ect the things i cant get done during the day and by 11pm im absoulutly knackerd so i just go to bed. I know hes looking at porn on the net and i try not to let it get to me he fully knows i hate it so much and i still dont get why he needs to do it. Im so pissed off ive even invested in a vibrator a while ago i told him i was going to get one and he said no as i would like it more than him so today i went to ann summers and bought one i dont know why i done it i guess to see if he will be pissed off or not i just dont want to feel lik eim competing with fucking porn grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

sorry im just having a really big moan now but i dont get if he likes looking at porn so much whenever i have suggested us watching it together he says no and goes to bed, do yous think his feelings have changed for me or is it just me being jealous and stupid. Ive tried talking to him he denys looking at it most of the time when i ask him if he was looking at it the night before its getting to the point where if he does come to bed with me which is very rarley now i get the impression he would rather be up looking at filth


ok feel better now ive burst out on here

 

Hi lisa its shit when they give u no response

my oh went mad at me yesterday because i updated msn to the beta one (8.0) and i didnt know it would delete his account and change all the passwords so he went in a strop and threw the mouse behind the pc!! but the stupid twat all he had to do was change the net passport passwprd if that makes any sence so ive done it thismorning.

As for all this porn stuff hes still doing it and its driving me mad so i bought myself a vibrator (havnt used it yet though aint got the flipping time...lol) so the day he found out i bought one i got 'cuddles' but it just seemed like it was so much of an effort for him and he didnt seem like he wanted to. He asked why i bought it and my reply was well since your so wrapped up in porn these days i decided it was time for me to get some pleasure from our relationship as it seems to be only you whos so called 'happy' he didnt reply and just sat at the pc with his back turned so i went off to bed. He came up about 30 mins later i pretended to be asleep and he cuddled into me and said how much he loves me and cares for me so i rolled over towards him and said well if you still feel the same about me when we first met why hurt me so much as u know how much i hate being face to face with porn every time i log on the recicle bin is full of pics and video clips makes me sick!! he didnt say anything and just went to sleep. next morning he got up and said its a guy thing and i wouldnt understand oh and he said it helps reducing the risk of testicular cancer i said if your that blooming worried about cancer then why have porn almost every blooming day when u can have me and yet again i get no response. I just get so many mixed messages from him one min i feel like he does love me and does want me but the next i feel like he doesnt give a shit if i was here or not. Hopefully he will grow out of the whole porn thing either that or he will have an ultimatum me or the pc i know that sounds crazy but that is the only problem in our relationship hes always to busy on the pc these days.

sorry im rambling on just had a bad morning Adele isnt feeling to great and had been up all night being sick and colby has been screaming to be picked up every 2 mins for the past 20 mins


i think im slipping back into depression and just dont want to admit it

 

i do know what u mean lisa....lol i wouldnt mind it so much if it was something we done together but when i suggest it he goes cold on me and says hes to tired. Maybe its me who has the problem as it always seems to be me who makes a move on him

ok i will try not to do anything no hugs or kisses and this will e so hard as i love my hugs at least that way i might be able to get him to talk to me cos he will wonder whats up grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i wish we could go book into a hotel but we have no one to look after the 2 kids all night his mum would watch them for a few hours but not all night as there is no where at her house for them to sleep and i cant see her comming to ours to stay overnight but its worth a try just asking her because i think that is whats up with me, we dont spend any time together as a couple gawd i havent been in a pub yet
i dont really care about not going out it just seems such an effort even if i ask him to make me a cuppa he huffs n moans now cos hes glued tp the pc.

anyway enough moaning the sun is out and im determind not to feel down today....lol

thanx again you guys its just so good to talk to people who do understand

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

well last night he came home from work and seemd in a pretty good cuddly horny mood, as i was in the kitchen making colbys bottles he was standing behind just holding me. i turned round so we were face to face and i asked him straight out if he wants someone else. His eyes filled with tears and my heart was pounding he said ' babe your the only one in my life, you have gave me 2 gorgeous daughters, your a wonderfull mum to them and your just amazing' he held me in his arms so tight it was just all weird cos hes never done or said anything like that before especially cos the tears were running down his face. Whats worrying me now last night i couldnt sleep i was rattling my brains all night trying to find an answer to why i feel this way and i couldnt come up with an answer except the dreaded one that ive been kidding myself i aint got depression but deep down i know i have. Im trying to stay positive kidding myself im not depressed but early hours thismorning because i couldnt sleep i decided to wax my legs....lol i ran out of wax half way through and i sat and cryed for almost 2 hrs over it (feel really stupid now for doing it but at the time it felt like the end of the world...lol)

today im planning on staying out as its supposed to be hot today so we shall see if not im just going to go a big long walk they say thats good for when your feeling down is it true?

anyway im off bb all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

p.s i took your advice you gave to someone else lisa....lol ive booked a girl to come out saturday morning to get all my hair done maybe it will brighten me up im going for a total different look so will put a pic up now i know how to do it....lol