ive been holding something back, a confession

[glitzyglamgirl]

See heres the thing, theres lots of discussions on here ive really wanted to take part in but havnt been able to without avoiding questions about my situation, but ive been here a couple of months now and think that I can safely discuss it without being judged unfairly.

I have two daughters, 11 and 14, but they dont live with me they live with thier dad. We split up when my youngest was just a baby and he basically made my life hell for 4 years - he wanted the girls and he would do anything to take them from me. It went to court and all he got was access, which I had never denied, and they basically said that they would not award him custody or whatever they call it now. He then abducted them and took them to Germany, and I eventually got them back after 4 months (at the court case I had told them he had been threatening to do this and got a prohibted steps order preventing him from taking them out the country, which then forced the German police to intervene and trace them).

So to cut out all the gory details, he then launched into a campaign to destroy me emotionally, and he succeeded. After 4 years of this I had a nervous breakdown and ended up being admitted for a month, during which time my bitch of a mother, who was supposed to be looking after the girls, handed them over to my ex. Social services got involved and they ended up staying with him, after my bitch of a mother also made a statement to say I was an unfit mother.

Once I was released I tried to get them back, but I was so drained and sick by it all I dint have the strength to fight him anymore. He was and still is a fantastic father, and they have always been happy with him, so I made a desicion to stop all the fighting, let them settle and not to have them be a part of this massive fight anymore. I gave up.

Now its been about 6 years since they settled with him and yes my life has changed dramatically, and now im emotionally healthy and no longer battling the depression, settled with someone who I love to the endsa of the earth, its time to try again. I still speak to my girls all the time and see them every holiday, my youngest is coming for xmas but the oldest wants to stay with her dad for xmas.

I just wanted to let everyone know so they dont wonder why I suddenly start talking about my girls when I have previously insinuated I have no children.

I hope you can understand why I have kept this to myself, not everyone understands why they arnt with me and it hurts to keep having to explain it.

Well now this has been explained I hope I can take part in more discussions especially in the ask a mum and early years sections, and that im not judged too harshly.

Thanks xxx

 

[budge]

i totally understand and no one should judge you or have anything bad to say.

You seem to have gone through an awful lot but i bet you're a stronger person for it

budge. x

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Thanks Budge, that means a lot to me

And hell yeah im a stronger person for it, no-ones ever gonna get to me like that again or mess with my family!

 

[Amanda]

Oh hunnie, what an awful time you have had.

I can understand why you have kept this to yourself. Some people think that a Mum should have the kids after a breakup - no matter what else is happening in your life. But that is not always the best thing for the children. In your case it sounds like both of your girls are happy, and you are still in their lives, so it has worked out for the best in the end. Please don't say that you 'gave up', because you didn't. It sounds like you were completely exhausted emotionally and physically by it all, and you have made the best decision for you, your girls, and their father.

I know someone who's ex abducted her daughter when she was 4 and took her to Pakistan. That was 11 years ago, and about 2 years ago, she managed to trace them and got her daughter back. But she was like a stranger to her and hated it in England. So she took the heartbreaking decision to let her go back to live with her father. She now sees her regularly during holidays and speaks to her daily via email and Skype, so she can see that she has done the best for them all.

I am so pleased that you now feel you can share this with us all, and I hope people won't judge you unfairly.

Big hugs chick.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Thanks Amanda, your reply has almost brought tears to my eyes (not a good look in the office LOL), I think sometimes in life we have to make these kinds of heartbreaking desicions, and it can be the hardest thing in the world, but when we look back and realise it was the right desicion it makes all the heartache worthwhile. It doesnt stop the what-if questions and the guilt and regret, but it makes it easier to bare.

 

[x-kirsty-x]

I cant imagine what it must of been like for you. I admire the fact that you've decided to tell us about it and Im glad things have worked out for the best.

Heres hoping you get your BFP soon - you deserve it so much

 

[Jo]

Aww hunny, you have been through so much
I am sure no one will wil judge you, you have done the best for your girls and that is all anyone can do
They are happy with dad and you have contact so that is a good thing
We all have to make descions which break our hearts at some point but we know in the long run it was the best thing to do

 

[oldermum]

Aw hunny

I'm not good at writing but just wanted to say that i certainly feel for you and so glad the you have found your ray of sunshine through all the crap.



Peeps like yourself deserve all the happiness they can find.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I cant imagine what it must of been like for you. I admire the fact that you've decided to tell us about it and Im glad things have worked out for the best.

Heres hoping you get your BFP soon - you deserve it so much

Thanks

I want this so so much, I lost my family and its created such a void, now ive finally met someone who is my twin flame and the love of my life and he wants the same things as me, I just hope its not too late. But then theres a small part of me that thinks it would be some kind of poetic justice if I can never concieve again

edit - got caught mid-reply by a phone call (bloody customers lol) so dont want you to think ive ignored replies since kirstys, thansk everyone your all fab

 

[Jo]

I want this so so much, I lost my family and its created such a void, now ive finally met someone who is my twin flame and the love of my life and he wants the same things as me, I just hope its not too late. But then theres a small part of me that thinks it would be some kind of poetic justice if I can never concieve again

Oh huny please don't say that!!!!
What makes you think that??
You have 2 happy well adjusted daughters, ok they don't live with you, but if it wasn't for you holding your hands up and saying enough is enough and letting them live with dad they wouldn't be the girls they are today
And that goes to show you are a great mum regardless of distance as you put your your girls welfare above your own happiness and that speaks volumes in my book

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I want this so so much, I lost my family and its created such a void, now ive finally met someone who is my twin flame and the love of my life and he wants the same things as me, I just hope its not too late. But then theres a small part of me that thinks it would be some kind of poetic justice if I can never concieve again

Oh huny please don't say that!!!!
What makes you think that??
You have 2 happy well adjusted daughters, ok they don't live with you, but if it wasn't for you holding your hands up and saying enough is enough and letting them live with dad they wouldn't be the girls they are today
And that goes to show you are a great mum regardless of distance as you put your your girls welfare above your own happiness and that speaks volumes in my book

Yeha i know I should think like that, but regardless of how happy they are I still wake up every single morning missing them, and go to bed every single night missing them. I can forget about during the day but those times are the hardest. With that comes the feeling that they should be with me, wich in turn leads to me feeling wrong, and as im a great beleiver in karma and fate, well it just makes me wonder sometimes.

But I also know that we will have a baby, its a deep rooted feeling thats deeper than the negative emotions, and that makes me smile

 

[Vicki83]

You're saying you're a great believer in karma and fate as if you have done something wrong hun, when you so haven't.

I think you sound like an extremely brave woman who has gone through a hard time, you've done not a thing wrong.

 

[claire81]

I'm glad you thought you could share this, what a hell you have been through. its great that you still get to see your kids, and i'm glad you get to spend xmas with your little one. And well done for being able to come out and share something so deep and meaningful to you

 

[Emmylou]

Hey babes, just wanted to say that you have put the meaning into the saying: If you love someone let them go

It must have been the hardest decision of your lifetime, and one that I could ever imagine being faced with - but who knows what is round the corner for any of us.

I wish you all the best for TTC and hope you get your bfp soon

 

[Jaidy]

Hi babe lets have a hug!

I think your extremely brave and courageous and we wont judge you at all!!!

Keep strong and I hope you get the best xmas pressie this year, a BFP!

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Thank you so much for all your kind words, im feeling really emotional now, in a good way, its so good to know there are people out there with the open-mindedness to except and understand my situation.

In the past when ive told people I have 2 daughters who dont live with me they have automatically jumped to the conclusion that I must have been a bad mother - and I know thats not the case, but no-one ever really wants to hear my reasons once they have jumped to conclusions. Its so good to know there are people who will listen and not judge xxx

Thank you x a million

 

[Vicki83]

Well those people that jump to conclusions aren't worth worrying about in my opinion hun, fook them!

 

[Jaidy]

People that judge without knowing the full story are just ignorant

Anyone that is worth anything will always listen to you and take you for what you are, not your circumstances.

I was so worried posting on here about my phobias/panic attacks, worried that people would 'judge' me but no one did, they are a fab bunch on here.

We will support you all the way through

 

[Emmylou]

People that judge without knowing the full story are just ignorant

Anyone that is worth anything will always listen to you and take you for what you are, not your circumstances.

I was so worried posting on here about my phobias/panic attacks, worried that people would 'judge' me but no one did, they are a fab bunch on here.

We will support you all the way through

Here Here! I second that

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Thank you, it really means so much to me, and im wondering why I didnt just come out with it when I first joined now!